Who’s to Blame? Begin with Extreme Ownership and Personal Responsibility ~ Special Guest: Realtor Jadde Rowe

Hey, welcome back, No Problem Parents. In today's episode, we're gonna talk all things who's to blame. This episode is about extreme ownership and personal responsibility. And who better to sponsor this podcast episode than the Dr. J.J. Kelly of Unorthodox Inc.

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All right, welcome back, No Problem Parents. Today, I have a really super fun and special guest on who's actually a realtor. And you might wonder, why am I interviewing a realtor on the No Problem Parenting podcast? Well, because he, I think, literally put out my favorite post of this entire year, this year, talking about blame and responsibility and accountability.

And he's a friend of mine, a cousin, actually, distant cousin. And so I saw that post and I went, hey, Jade, I got to have you on the show. So let me introduce you to Jade Rowe. Jade is a 28-year-old full-time real estate agent and real estate investor in the Twin Cities area. Grew up in Minnesota in real estate and always wanted to pursue a business on his own. He graduated from college in 2017 with honors and an economics degree. He's engaged and soon to be married this year and lives in Plymouth, Minnesota. And he has his own signature program for those homeowners out there who have maybe bought a home and now you're growing a family and you need to expand that house. You need a bigger house. Jade is absolutely there for you. So welcome to the show,

Jade. Thank you so much for that awesome intro, Jackie. I really appreciate it. I'm super excited to be here. Well, I'm excited to have you. I loved the post. The very first line was who's to blame.

And I was like, Oh, what's this one about? You know, that keeps my curiosity. And so just tell us a little bit about what inspired you to make that post. Yeah. So I have to probably give all of my credit for kind of this mindset shift that I had back in 2020, I would say, coming out of college, got my first job at a big corporate job and, you know, working, doing my thing, but, you know, things go wrong. And at that time, like just fresh out of college is kind of a newer person working, newer adult, I should say, you know, I'm always like not wanting to point fingers at myself, right? I was trying to figure out like, Oh, something went wrong. Like, where did, where did it go wrong? Cause I couldn't have made mistakes. I mean, I didn't,

I didn't do anything wrong. Like you're young, you're new. You're like, I'm like, yeah, I didn't do anything wrong. So like who else screwed this up? Right. Um, and then in 2020, I think I read a book called extreme ownership by Jocko Willick. Um, um, I've read both of his books, the dichotomy of leadership and extreme ownership, but extreme ownership really kind of shook me into the core of just this guy he's a navy seal um and he's having to make decisions out in the battlefield within seconds that affect his entire you know kind of people that he's that he's leading this mission and it could affect their life they could die on this mission um and he goes through this book about just like every decision that's made out there since i'm the leader i'm the one who needs to own that like it doesn't matter if we get into friendly fire, that's my fault. If we get into some sort of situation, it's my fault. I'm the leader. How could have I communicated better? Who could have I informed better? Who could have I double checked with? And he talks about going to these meetings with these, you know, colonels and people that are above him saying, what the heck happened? Like, who's to blame on this? Like,

what's going on? And he goes, I take full responsibility. And he's like, I'm the one, I'm the leader. It's my team. So like that was like, man, like here I am.

I was kind of transitioning out of my corporate job into real estate. But here I am, like with these just kind of small decisions, like small things going on in my life that I'm trying to like point fingers at versus this guy's making decisions that affect, you know, hundreds or 50 guys lives, you know, and their families, their wives and that whole bit. So that was like, OK, like, how can I start to kind of just develop this?

So, you know, over the course of 2020 to 2023, I really implemented that into my life fully of just like taking extreme ownership at all times of, you know, whether it's my relationship with my fiance, whether it's not for my relationship with my friends, my family, my health, my business. Like, there's always something that you did wrong, whether you like it or not. There's always something of like, hey, yep, I should have communicated that better.

Or, you know what, I should double check on that. Like immediately I always go, well, that was definitely that person's fault. But it's like, well, no, there has to be something that you missed or didn't do as well. And if you have that mindset, it can also just keep tensions just like better with people.

Like I just had a situation yesterday in my career where all fingers were pointing to this one person's fault. And I just owned up and said, hey, like this was my fault. I took ownership of it. And he, this person who everyone thought was going to blame immediately was like, well, no, like, hey, like, no, this was my fault. I missed it. So like, you know, he immediately thought when I called him, he was gonna, I was gonna ream him out. I was gonna be like, this is all your fault. When I said, hey, hey, man, this was actually my fault. I should have, you know, communicated this better. You should have known about this. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed. That's a big thing that people do is they assume that, oh, assume that person's taking care of it or assume that person's talking about it.

um but no I said hey I own this it's my fault let's figure it out now and that just immediately relieved all the tension he was like oh like no man like I should have you know he wasn't taking blame himself but I think if I would have come in there and reamed him out he would have been like all defenses up oh for sure resistance creates resistance right so that's that's kind of where that that post and a long winded that's where that post came in uh into play I just wanted to share that with people because I feel like you know I don't have kids yet but eventually we'll had kids and, you know, within the culture and society and everything, like everyone's wanting to blame somebody else for their own stuff or what's going on in their life versus like just taking ownership of what you got going on. And you know, what everybody has issues, everybody has problems, everybody has things that they're not good at and that's okay to just take ownership of it. Right. I love how you say that too. Like when you take ownership, even if you know that somebody else dropped a ball in one way, shape or form, cause not everything is always our fault per se, right? Like there is ownership that other people need to take too, but it's the approach of first addressing what you could have done different or how you could have handled something different. And then that does ease the defense from the other people. And then look at what

happened. Like this person stepped up to the plate that had said, because he wasn't in this defense mode and this resistant kind of mode, he was like, okay, wait now, wait, you're taking ownership of that, but actually, dude, Hey, I, I had some, I have a piece in this that I need to take a better conversation, a way better conversation. We figured it out. Yeah. That's step three, no problem.

Parenting changed the conversation. So, um, I love that you say in the post too, that your parents raised you with this mindset. So what are some of the things that you can think of or that, you know, as an adult now that, that your parents kind of like how they instilled this in you? I just remember both my mom and dad of like I was never like the star athlete I was never the star maybe student I mean I was good like good at academics but I wasn't that like star person and I failed at a lot of things whether it was you know football I was not very good at football not very good at basketball I tried out for the golf team like four years in a row in high school and missed it every single year I tried out for these different volunteer things and like I just kept getting these like you know hey like you failed you failed you failed you failed you didn't make it you didn't make the cut um and i remember them just keep telling me like hey like you can you can do better you can take ownership of this or you can sit in you know fear and like just sit in the corner not doing anything like you can have your moment 24 hours 48 hours to feel bad at yourself feel sorry for yourself like that's okay like feel those emotions but then don't just sit in that like 48 hour stall and just keep that going like let's what can you do to get better can you spend more time at the range next year to get a better chance of going golfing can you maybe

spend more time at the gym or eating better to get stronger for football can you study more can you you know better your communication there's always things you can do better and I think that slowly like looking back was like oh that that kind of instilled that like there's always something I can improve on and take ownership over like you're right I didn't make that golf team because my wedges were not where they should be or you're right I kind of botched that interview and that's why I didn't make this you know volunteer part in high school because I didn't communicate like I probably should have right versus being like well they they they were this or they were that or there was this you know politics within the sports like no which that absolutely oh yeah for Like there's, you know, I think my parents just said, take 48 hours, take some time to like, yep, you missed it, you failed. And we're not saying don't worry about that. But also, you don't want to just sit down and be sorry for yourself forever. Like you all you have to figure out what can you do better for next year or next time or next opportunity.

Right. And how are you going to handle that? Yeah. Politics and sports is huge. It's very common for most families, unless you are actually making this the team and getting played and not just making it, but getting played.

You know, those parents never think there's any politics, right? Because their kid made it. And we only we only address the political side of the sports things or whatever activity it is when our kid doesn't make it right. And I know I have a mama bear that that has come out plenty of times when that kind of stuff has happened.

But even I had to learn that lesson of, well, is that what I want my kid to see for the rest of his life? Is that, oh, it's a political thing. You didn't make the team or you didn't get the starting spot. Just move on to something else and throw your throw your dream of playing that sport out the window.

No, it's putting it back on the kid then and saying, you know, how bad do you want it? I noticed it extremely prevalent within now that I'm older and just have this kind of mindset and view in the world just as an older adult. My brother, who is also a goalie in the cities for Maple Grove and Champlain, I've noticed it where he was always the underdog. He's going into his junior year now and will hopefully make varsity, but he was shorter than everybody.

He was smaller than everybody. and everybody he'd show he'd show up and like you know in like most goalies once you get a little older like their shoulders are over the the cross the net he'd be below it you know he'd be down there and everybody's labeling him out right um but he was quicker he was more agile he was you know had just better like hand-eye coordination than these guys um and that helped him but there was still failures along the way and there was games that he was let down and you know maybe positions he didn't make the double 18 one time we really thought it's like hey that's that's okay and i'd rather like i'd rather experience have him experience almost those failures at that young age to like understand like oh yeah you can fail now what can i do better can i throw the the tennis ball more in front of the wall like strengthen my hand-eye coordination can i work on my strength can i get more flexible like versus the kid that just always gets it done and like oh yeah i just have the skill I'd rather have you know someone who has a lot more work ethic than someone who just you know thinks that they have the talent and don't put any effort into it so I've seen it extremely probably my my brother like my mom telling him like hey like you can take 48 hours exact same thing like take some time to feel bad for yourself but now you gotta you gotta show up and how like you said how bad do you want it what are you willing to do to improve because your

height is not something you can, you can eat more, but your height is kind of out of your control. Like that is literally out of your control and you're going to show up and immediately look like the underdog, but there's things that you can still be better at. I agree that that's that trial and error. I always say to parents, you want your kids to make as many mistakes as possible while they're in the comfort of your home so that you can help them. You're there to support them and empower them and build them back up. And as same as, as many times that the door closes in their face and better to have that happen at home. You know, a lot of times there's, there's students that excel in high school and they're straight A students and they're comfortable and they, you know, they, they, they know the drill and they go off to college and it gets super hard and they bomb out because everything was just so easy for them all along the way.

I experienced that a little bit. I can't, I graduated high school with like a 3.8 or 3.9 GPA.

and then my second semester in college my freshman year I had like the worst semester of my life or and I was like really like holy smokes like now I it's I can't I can't have this again like I need to like step up to the plate now um so because I was I was definitely riding that like high school high got through my first couple easy classes in college and then it was like hit me in space And you're like, whoa, okay, like let's step up here and put in some work.

Yeah. But at least you had that, that mindset too, that you had learned, you know, from a young age and we're learning and we're all still learning. Right. But just that grit and that determination and that you can shift your mindset into, okay, what's my ownership in this and what do I need to do so that you didn't, you didn't cave.

And I know this happens for a lot of college kids. If life is too easy at home and I encourage parents don't make life easier on your kids, You know, don't be drill sergeants, but don't always rescue them from their problems and make them feel better. And coming from this place of sadness and worry and because you're robbing them of the opportunity to build up that resilience and that grit. I have a quick funny story on that that I used.

I remember in my interviews when I was trying to get a job, it was when I was 16. I was looking for like my first job that wasn't like with my parents or cutting grass or something like that. um there was this little power sports shop like small engine shop so like dirt bikes snowmobiles and that kind of thing in the cities and they just opened up and i'm like all in i'm like i want to go work for them like that's what i want to do my parents were encouraging me to get to do get a job right because i had some extra time and i'm gonna go work at that place like that's what i mean and so they're like okay well like you should do a resume and then you should do like a little cover letter and then see what happens so i go in there they drop me off and i go in there and i uh you give them my resume, give them my cover letter. Guy's like, well, go talk to the manager. You know, so I go talk to the manager. He looks it over, talks to me quick and he goes, all right,

you're hired. Come back on Monday. This is like a Thursday. And I walk out, tell my parents, you know, they're excited. Yeah. Yeah. They don't ask me these questions. They're like, when are you going to work? I'm like, I don't know. What are you going to do? I don't know when, how much are you going to pay? I have no idea. I'm going to show up on Monday. He told me, but then it was funny though, because like, I think it was like two or three days later, or maybe that first week of work or something, they were like, just so you know, Jay, when you walked in there, your mom and I, this is my stepdad talking to like, we didn't think you're gonna get that job.

There's no way we thought you're going to get a job because like, this is a brand new small engine shop. They probably don't need anybody. Like there is no way that we thought you were going to get a job. They're not, they're not like pay hiring.

Like there was nothing out there of like, we just wanted you to go in there and fail. That's what we wanted you to do. We wanted you to go at least put yourself out there. Yeah. And you didn't. But at least you put yourself out there. That's how it was.

I was like, really? You thought I was going to fail? Like, yes, we thought you were going to fail. We thought 100 percent you were going to get denied. But we wanted you to feel that.

I love that. That's such awesome parenting, too, because, I mean, it worked out that you got the job. So that was really cool. But there is a point to that, that they were trying to do this in a way that if and when you did, they were prepared, number one, to support you and walk you through that.

But they wanted that to be a good learning lesson for you. Right. Yeah. a learning opportunity. And you were like, well, so sad. I got the job because I'm that awesome.

We did the same thing with our kid. You know, we're like, okay, if you want to, you know, no more tears about not getting the starting spot for your hockey team in high school. Like if you want it that bad, what do you, you know, what are you going to do to get it? And he started emailing coaches and he started approaching and not waiting for somebody to find him. He went and found it. And my husband and I were like, okay, we're going to support you 110%.

But inside we're thinking there's no way he's going to find something his senior year as a goalie and a team and whatever. And lo and behold, he did. And it was just like then we were like, oh, crap. Now, wait, now we have to shift school like there's a little bit more work on our plate.

But I mean, he he made it happen. And so I think sometimes as parents, you know, we don't we don't think things are going to happen if a kid wants it bad enough. And then they're persistent enough. There's it's amazing what they can do when we get out of the way.

yeah yeah absolutely okay so jade you have i love this you have kind of like three points or three questions that people can ask themselves the next time they're facing some sort of you know adversity they've made a mistake they've done something wrong they failed in some way shape or form um to take ownership let's just run through those quick before we wrap up today yeah so i mean the first one is just like you know how can you take personal responsibility for all those circumstances you face. So that kind of goes into my number two of like, okay, how can I take personal responsibility? Number two is like, okay, something goes wrong, something's happening, like, instead of pointing a finger like, oh, it's obviously this person, let's look at what you could have potentially done better in that situation. Or what part of this can you take ownership in? So figure that out first before you go and, you know, ask somebody or confront somebody or talk to somebody. And then the third one is, you know, who's going to be,

who's kind of just your biggest encourager and critic in your life. And that really should be you in your own mindset, in your own, in your own mind of, you know, I don't need anybody, everybody's approval. I really do need my own approval. And, you know, if I'm taking ownership over my own actions and what I could have done better, that's going to make me in a lot better mental state. So really it's going to be how can you take personal responsibility over everything first point of, you know, something went wrong, shifted to who's to blame versus how can I take ownership? And two or three is going to be just always, you know, make sure that you are encouraging yourself as well along the way. You are your biggest encourager as well as your biggest critic,

right? Those negative, that negative mindset and all the shoulds and all those things that spiral in our heads. We need to flip that around and, and turn those to some positives and, and be our biggest encourager. I love that. And I like that number 2.2 about blame yourself first, because maybe you aren't totally to blame or maybe you really, you know, it was a lot of external, but first stop and think about pause and think about where, what's my part in this.

And that's just, that's absolute brilliant. I think that's good advice for, for all people, kids and adults. So I appreciate that. All right. Well, before we wrap up, I do want to talk about your business a little bit and you actually have sort of a signature method called rise up.

So can you tell us a little bit about what that is? Yeah. So when I got, um, I'm 28 years old. Um, and when I started in the business, I'm going on five years now. Um, all of my clients were first time home buyers because that's who I connected with. Right. They trusted me. I was, I was buying my first property at the time. Um, I've now moved three times. I've bought some rental property and moved around. But now a lot of my clients are turning into kind of those first time sellers and those, you know, families where they're having their first kid, they're having maybe their second kid, they're going to be expecting a kid. And that first house that we bought four or five years ago for them is not going to just not going to work. They need more space. The garage is full. Now we're thinking of school district. Now we're thinking of safety.

Now we're thinking of a lot more things than what we were thinking of when we got just got married you're buying your first home but that that process of buying your second home and selling your first home is a very unique um skill set and that's where i've developed kind of that signature rise up method of like hey how do you buy that second house and not be homeless that's the biggest question again well how do we buy this and have a second house and not be homeless or how can we use the equity that we've made because your house is appreciated you pay down the loan? How can we access that? How can we just do that process? So my RISA method takes you from where you're at right now, lays out all of the options. We figure out what option is the best one for you and your family based on your criteria, based on your timeline, based on your finances,

and then walks you through basically exactly how to do that. Because any sort of realtor can go and show you a home, could probably list your home, but to do both at the same time is a very unique skill set and I love that process and it's a little bit more challenging a little bit more demanding or maybe some more personal responsibility and ownership that I have to take and they have to take control over so I love that process and a lot of my clients now are kind of developing into those first time you know kind of upsizers we call them so that's why I developed that system now because I want to help more of those people that are you know they bought the first home now they want to get into that that next larger home where they can raise their family and or continue to grow the family.

That is so cool. It's a five-step method called the Rise Up Method. We're going to have a link in the show notes for people to go click on that. Take a look.

We'll also have a link to your website, your Facebook page, so people can reach out to you, Jade. I so appreciate you being on the show and being with me today. Thanks so much. Thank you, Jackie.

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