You are the Expert of Your Child: I believe in you!

Hey there, No Problem Parents. It is day two of volume two book launch. No Problem Parenting, resources and stories that create confidence and connection. We've already hit bestseller and new releases. And today we are promoting the Kindle link. You can grab the book for just $1.99 on Kindle. You don't have to have a Kindle subscription. You simply just need to download the Kindle app on your computer, phone or tablet and purchase the book for just $1.99.

And then you can start reading it right away. And I thought it would be kind of fun to just come on and share a little bit about my chapter. So the book includes 20 of us authors. I am the producer of the book and Action Taker Publishing is the publisher. And then there are 19 other authors besides myself who have contributed and sharing their resources and stories that are going to help you create confidence and connection with your kid. There's just a variety of topics from advocacy to anger, to connection and relationship, how to have healthy conversations with your kids, how to get them to talk to you, just all the things. And once again, I'm just humbled and honored to have so many guests on my podcast, the No Problem Parenting podcast, that have now become authors in my book. So a total of 40 other authors besides myself and a Business Spotlight ad in the second book as well. So guys, I'm just here to share a little bit of my chapter and give you a little teaser for the book. So my chapter is called You Are the Expert of Your Child, I Believe in You.

grab a cool beverage. If you're in Minnesota, we are in a heat wave, believe it or not. And so just grab a beverage, sit back, put your earbuds in and listen to a little bit of my story. So for as long as I can remember, I've had a passion for helping families and children.

I knew early on that it was my calling, but the real turning point for me when I realized that my passion might very well become my career started in 1993 when I met Elizabeth. She was 10 at the time and her family. I'd been working as a paraprofessional for children with special needs in our local school district while attending college. A parent of a kindergartner with Down Syndrome had asked if I'd be willing to provide additional after-school care for her daughter.

I agreed and was hired part-time by a non-profit agency and became a personal care attendant or PCA. Several months into the PCA job, my supervisor asked if I'd be able to take on another client, a 10-year-old who was diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder, or RAD. Aside from having a full plate, I was a full-time student, a full-time paraprofessional with the school, a part-time PCA, and a waitress on the weekends. I knew nothing of mental health, especially not RAD, so I declined. Well, my supervisor was persistent, and a part of me wondered if she knew something about my skill level that I didn't. So I went to the public library and looked up the diagnosis of Rad on microfiche, no Google back then, my first thought was, what the heck? I am so not qualified to support this family. Why would my supervisor even suggest me? I discovered that on the severe end of attachment disorder, there are kids like Charles Manson. He was in 25 foster care homes by the age of 10. Could that even be true? And if so, I wondered how could he possibly develop a conscience that allowed him to believe that adults were trustworthy and loving? Now,

I heard of the horrific acts of Charles as an adult, and I could only fearfully imagine what a young Charles must have been like. I was intrigued, curious, and admittedly freaked out. What if the child they wanted me to care for was as unattached and disconnected as Charles? Again, I declined the request to work with the family.

It was my supervisor's fourth phone call, my avid learner attitude, my curiosity and Mrs. Overdue-it desire to help others that eventually caused me to say, okay, I'll give it a try. I spoke with the child's stepmother. I heard the desperation in her voice and I became determined to gain the knowledge and skills to help them.

A few days later, I arrived at the family's house. I walked onto the wooden porch and knocked on the door. The stepmom answered and said, here she is. Dad and I are going outside for a break.

She's all yours. And I thought, wow, no wonder this kid has problems. These parents are strict and intense. I looked at the beautiful young girl smiling brightly with rosy red cheeks and a sweaty forehead.

And I thought she must have just come in from running around in the backyard. I would later learn that Elizabeth had been having a tantrum for the past two hours. but when she heard my footsteps on the wooden porch she stopped screaming pulled herself together and turned on a smile. Well her mom and dad were exhausted and drained from the tantrum and counting down the minutes until I arrived. Their intense greeting was out of desperation for a much-needed break. You see Elizabeth was a beautiful girl. Her illness wasn't visible on the outside. Her teachers described her as somewhat quiet and very polite. She was a straight-A student and her parents agreed she could be charming and she could turn rage on and off just as fast as the light switch on your wall. Her early life trauma experiences, neglect and breaking attachment from her birth mother caused her to protect herself, believing that she had to be in control of everything and that even loving people would hurt her. Although her birth father was given twice a month weekend visitation and gained full custody on her first birthday, the damage was done and love was not going to be enough for this little girl. Because of her charm and brilliance, no one believed her parents when they said she could be dangerous. Now, the first few times I met Elizabeth,

I had difficulty believing it was true too. She was very polite and we had good quiet conversations. I often caught myself wondering more about her seemingly strict parents' behavior than hers. Still, while I couldn't see what her parents saw, I listened to every word they said, every experience they shared and everything they had tried to help their daughter. And then, after just two months time, 30 hours a week in the family's home, Elizabeth's true colors came through. I began to see what her parents had been experiencing for years. She was very troubled, angry, deceptive, and yes, she was at times dangerous. Elizabeth trusted no one, including me.

Now, despite having several diagnostic assessments that didn't include the RAD diagnosis, seven out of the 13 assessments found that's in fact what she had. She was suffering from reactive attachment disorder, yet the parents' cries for help were questioned and even judged. I was confused by the professionals' responses, downplaying the child's behaviors and blaming the parents, and I didn't understand why the parents weren't being heard.

Many of the professionals averted the diagnosis altogether. No one wanted to or knew how to help this child and her family. My determination to help the family pushed me to read every book, listen to experts present on attachment, and ask questions of my college professors to better understand Rad. I was so intrigued and motivated to learn, and for the first time in my life, I was excited about college.

Never had I been so eager to get to class. See, I wasn't a great student, traditionally speaking, and I had to work super hard to get through my courses. But this diagnosis and my experience with the family fired me up and made me excited to learn more. Unfortunately, my college professors were not as excited and were of little help.

A few weeks into a 400-level psychology class during my sophomore year, a professor scolded me for asking a question about what happens when a child doesn't attach. In a room of about 100 fellow students, he embarrassed and belittled me. And that was the day I decided my investment in education was better spent shadowing therapists and therapeutic parents in states who are supporting these kids and families with success.

I didn't need a degree and I really had no desire to be a therapist. I just wanted to help families with their real life day in and day out challenges in their home. I left college and my full-time professional job at the school and began working full-time with Elizabeth's family, determined to find the best therapeutic treatment for them, which we did a long year later. I acquired so much knowledge that year, but nothing taught me more than my regular meetings with Elizabeth and her parents.

What they needed most was to be heard, acknowledged, accepted, validated, and supported. They were hardworking, dedicated, smart, fun, generous, and very loving people. Elizabeth's parents wanted to learn. They longed for their child to be okay.

As a blended family, they were raising several children, had the typical ups and downs that all parents experience, and were managing fine with the other kiddos. it breaks my heart that Elizabeth and her family had to wait so long to be understood and get the support they needed I'm going to end it right there I want to encourage you to go get that kindle version for $1.99 so you can hear the rest of the story and I'll give you a little bit of a teaser about that this family became lifelong friends of mine this 10 year old girl is now one of the most successful, healthy, loving women that I know with a beautiful family. And I end my chapter with talking about how I believe in you. You are the expert of your child. And so I encourage you to go get the book, finish reading this chapter and all the chapters from the other 20 authors in the book that are here to help you become that confident leader that your kids crave you to be. And thank you everybody so much for all your support. I am a bit jet-lagged from the last 24 hours. I've already done two podcast recordings this morning,

met with a writer who's going to be doing an article on no problem parenting on the book and on the podcast. And in a couple of hours, I get to meet with one of my one-on-one coaching clients. So I'm just energized. I thought I'd pop on real quick and share this with you.

Thank you all so much for the support that you have. Please purchase that $1.99 Kindle version. Download, follow, leave us a review.

All of this I ask so that we can help more families. All right, parents, that's it for today. Make sure you head over to the website, noproblemparents.com.

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