Prepare for a Successful College Transition with Special Guest Dale Troy

Hey, welcome back. No problem, parents. Hey, before we get into today's episode, I want to thank a couple of our sponsors. Thanks to Dr. JJ Kelly of Unorthodox Inc. Dr. JJ says happy people act right and global healing is achieved by teaching people the skills to like themselves. Her Get Real program was created to do just that.

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Sheer Dynamics Salon is much more than a salon. It's a Lonza healing center. Their highly trained stylists, along with their amazing Lonza hair care products, will exceed your expectations. In addition to meeting your hair care needs, Linda is also very passionate about supporting the Central Minnesota Sexual Assault Center and is a sponsor of The Walk, which is held every year in April.

There's been an alarming increase of reports and concerns about sexual violence in our Central Minnesota community, and Linda and Shear Dynamics are here to help. Are you a talented stylist, barber, esthetician, or massage therapist, and you're looking for an opportunity to showcase your skill and grow your clientele? Well, look no further. Sheer Dynamics Upscale Salon and Spa is now offering booth rental.

They have a fantastic location right behind Crossroads on 3rd Street in Waypark, Minnesota. They have large custom stations and a fun environment. Enjoy the freedom of being your own boss. They're currently offering an $800 signing bonus. If you're interested or know someone who might be a great fit, don't hesitate to reach out. Call or text 320-492-7083 or go to Sheardynamicsmn.com. There's a link in the show notes for those. Thank you so much, Linda Wander and Sheardynamics for sponsoring the No Problem Parenting Podcast. Welcome to the No Problem Parenting Podcast. Hey there, parents. Did you know there's a way to transform your kid's behavior?

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If you feel like no matter how nice you are or how strict you are, your kiddos are still struggling, it's time to get off the struggle bus and become the confident leader your kids crave you to be. Join me on this journey of behavioral strategies and resources so that you can feel empowered as a parent again and turn your everyday parenting problems into no problem. all right no problem parents august is all about back to school school planning and today is august 1st and we are hosting our college planning event prepare your student and your wallet for success we're going to talk all things preparing for admission exploring financial aid and scholarships understanding student loans and choosing the right college this is a free event but if you're just hearing of it now and you didn't get registered through eventbrite no worries we're going to stream it to Facebook. So just follow us at No Problem Parents and you'll find the event there.

You can watch it when you are able. All right, let's get into today's episode with our first college success coach, Ms. Dale Troy. She is a college success coach and certified health coach.

Parents hire her to help their children with the transition to college as well as provide guidance to college students who are having challenges. Dale's experience in helping college students started with her own three daughters. All three of her daughters graduated from Yale, and she is a college graduate of Yale and Yale Law School. The freshman dropout rate, you guys, is currently 30%, and Dale's College Success Formula program protects parents' college investment by setting their children up for success from the start of freshman year. I love this so much. The program helps all college students implement the habits and skills they need for academic and social success as well as physical and emotional health. Dale's mission is to give students confidence,

we're all about that at No Problem Parenting, in their ability to handle college by teaching strategies that will empower them and enable them to thrive. And we're going to get into all of this, all the ins and outs of college today. Welcome to the show, Dale. Thank you for having me. Looking forward to our conversation.

So it's so cool when I meet people who do what they do because of their own personal experiences and kind of going, you know, I wish I would have had this knowledge and this support and this help when I was bringing my kiddos, you know, through this experience. And so I love that that is part of your story. Tell us a little bit more about how you, when you decided to kind of make this your full-time biz. Sure.

The backstory is that I did become a lawyer and started as a lawyer, but that was really not for me. I'm really more of a people person. So I knew that I wasn't going to stay there, but I became a headhunter for lawyers. So I was a coach.

I was coaching lawyers. So I'm kind of a natural coach in the sense that I like working with people and I like helping them improve themselves. and what happened when my kids were in college is other parents started asking me if I could help their kids and because they knew I was a health coach and they saw from afar that my kids looked like they were doing well, they were being successful in college. So I thought, sure, I'll give it a try and this was before Zoom and I started having these phone conversations with kids in college who were struggling with what I thought were simple things like, what should I eat because I'm feeling so tired? And why am I not getting enough sleep? I don't know how to organize my time. And I keep not waking up in time and I'm missing my classes and all kind of basic things. And I was able quickly to get them back on track and make them feel better health health-wise and get their academics more in order. And I realized that there wasn't that resource on campus that was doing specifically what I was doing. You know, these weren't kids that they didn't need to go to the health center. And there wasn't the kind of individual support and with the structure and health habits that I could provide. So I just decided, you know,

I wanted to do something more than what I was doing. I was a health coach at the time, but I wanted to, I mean, I really thought like impacting kids who needed, really needed me was, was really felt right for me. And I really related to that because of my kids going through college and having their own issues. So I just decided to create my own program. And that was about five years ago now. That is so awesome because college is really, I mean, do they have programs that help students with that college transition? Maybe some do, some don't. You know, they're more and more, they're trying to, they have freshman orientation programs, but honestly, the kinds of things that I teach them, you can't teach, they can't learn it that quickly. You know, there's so much when they first arrive on campus, to teach somebody time management in two hours is really not going to work that well. So I, my belief is that they need to have a lot of these skills before they get to campus or, you know, teaching them what healthy eating is. I mean, yes, you can teach them, but if you're teaching them during the freshman year, they're already kind of behind the eight ball. They're, you know, they, they need it, they need it before they get there.

I agree. And sometimes it's overwhelming when your kiddo is in high school, you're thinking about college and maybe you're, you know, preparing for, you know, the tests like that's on your radar. We don't think about preparing them for the move. Even if they're living and going to college in their hometown, things are different.

And so let's talk a little bit about how to make sure that your child has a successful transition. And that really starts, you say, as early as middle school. So what kinds of things can we do during that middle school and high school time to start helping our kids prepare for living on a college campus? Sure. I think the first thing to think about is just the broad term responsibility.

passing more responsibility to your kids gradually as they're able to do more things for themselves. But I think I include myself, but I think parents today are just very involved and hyper focused on all the little details that are happening in their kids' lives and not letting their kids take on, become more independent. So I think pulling away as possible. An example might be letting your child make their own doctor appointments, you know, having phone calls with adults, letting your child go talk to their teacher about a problem rather than you sending an email and saying, you know, I need to have a conference. Let, you know, let your child deal with the issue, things like that. Even small things, for instance, not waking them up in the morning, having them be responsible for getting up with an alarm and starting to pull back on the homework issue, not being so involved with, have you done your, have you done your math? Have you done your English? Can I check this or let me test you, you know, let, let them take more ownership of it. Yeah. I think that's super important. I often say that, you know, as parents, we're so excited when our kids can buckle their own car seat and, you know, get dressed themselves and tie their shoes and, you know, grab a snack on their own, all those kinds of things. And then when our kiddos get into those tween and teen years, when they, we really want them to be

more independent, we tend to pull the reins back in and caution them over everything or, or give more advice than letting them actually experience the things themselves. So what are the habits and the skills that you teach students in your college success formula program? Well, I have four pillars, I call them. The first is academic skills, then what I call social connections. The third is physical health, and the fourth is managing stress.

So the academic skills includes things like using a planner, organization, asking for help when they needed, being a self-advocate, study skills, how to, you know, why college studying is not the same as high school studying and how to study for a test, good note-taking, really very basic stuff that they don't necessarily know. Is it like a program where they meet with you regularly? Is this an online thing? Like describe how that looks and how that's mapped out. I do the program one-on-one as well as in a group setting. So I've condensed the group version to be just four sessions. And the way I've been able to do it is that I've created animated videos on these topics. So they have, they get the animated videos, they have a workbook that goes along with it, and we're meeting on Zoom as well for four sessions. So it's really,

and this is like the perfect program for somebody who is, has not gotten to college yet. So they're getting like a really good overview and they have some time to practice during the summer on some of these skills that they're learning. So is it like, is it once they've graduated? The way I set it up is basically once they've graduated and they know where they're going to college, because that way we can actually fill it.

I send them a planner actually can help them create their first week, their first schedule for the, you know, their first week schedule using their actual classes, which is, you know, life changing for them. So they would already have their class schedule and then they would start this program. No, they don't have to have their class schedule, but many of them do. But I guess if somebody was in my program and they didn't have their class schedule yet, I would I would meet them again once they had their.

I want them I want them to start college with at least a week written down in the planner. how to maximize their time and still also have time for socializing and meeting new people and getting enough sleep and all those things. So I, you know, unfortunately, because college is, there's no structure, honestly. You have to create your own structure. A lot of kids just end up wasting time. They look at their schedule and think, I only have two classes today, so I'll I'll take a nap. I'll watch a Netflix. I'll go watch somebody play basketball.

And that's fine. But you have to get other things done and you have to make time for your studying and everything else. And often that and that means that they're staying away too late to get their academic work done because they've wasted a lot of their free time. Well, and this is really good because it is so unstructured.

And when, especially when you move from home and you're on a campus, you have to figure out that structure kind of for yourself and, or you're looking for the college to be doing it for you. But I love that you say, yeah, you have your classes, but there's so much more to it. And then, you know, kids kind of flounder. And I think sometimes that can make them, their self-esteem lower.

They're not sure, like, what do I do next? How, how does this work? And so step two of no problem parenting is to prepare for the worst in quotes, or, you know, just to be prepared is basically what it's about. When we're prepared, we can feel confident.

And when you're already feeling on a college campus, like a fish out of water, you're like, I don't know what I'm doing. This is so cool that you can bring them through these pillars. You can set up their schedule as one thing, but then also talk about the social aspect of it, that that can be a little bit structured as well. And the health and then the stress part. So let's move into the social piece? Sure. Yeah. So the social piece includes, well, number one, how to make friends.

And I really emphasize that freshman year, like immediately everyone's looking for a friend. That's their number one goal. So, you know, there are a lot of kids who are introverted or just, you know, don't come across as being very self-assured and they have to kind of step out of that, into something that might be a little uncomfortable in order to take part in, whether it's dorm activities or orientation programs. Somebody on the hall says, oh, you know, I'm going to lunch. Anybody want to come with me? You know, go, don't sit in your room and worry about who am I going to go with later. So just being present, being very involved, joining some kind of club, at least one. So you have some immediate connections. I mean,

that's really important for them to understand that it's up to them. It's up to them to figure out who their friends are and put themselves out there. And I also have them go into the portal and look at what the activities are, figure out what interests you before you even get to campus, because then at least you have some goals in mind. We talk a lot about goal setting.

you know, you feel like, oh, yeah, I'm going to be joining a robotics club. And immediately when during that activity fair, you can go talk to them and sign up. So you have something, some kind of structure for yourself. So one thing is friends.

The next is also understanding that all the other people around you, adults, can play a part in making you feel comfortable on the campus, whether that's your academic advisor, people in the tutoring center, maybe it's the librarian, your residential assistant who lives in the dorm. There's so many people who are there to support kids, but a lot of times they're not using them or they're not trying to get to know those people. And if they did, they would start to feel more comfortable on their campus. I mean, it could even be a clergy member. I mean, it could be anyone who you can connect with and realize that you do have someone else to talk to. You don't have to be calling your parents.

Yeah. Again, very cool because it's not just about your peer social interaction. It's really how to approach and connect and seek resources from the adults that are on campus as well. And I think sometimes you're right. The kids rely on their parents. They're calling home and mom and They're like, we don't know what to do. Or they start making the calls to the administrators on campus, which is what we do not want to have happen.

We want the kids to be doing that. Right. Yeah. And the colleges don't want that happening either.

And and a lot of times they're not going to even talk to parents. That's not going to work very well. Exactly. Yeah. It's not very uplifting for the kiddo when mommy and daddy are calling.

Yeah, the other important part in that pillar is living with a roommate. A lot of people haven't lived with a roommate. A lot of kids haven't lived with a roommate before, right? And it's very common now to have roommate contracts.

So we talk about what kinds of things you want to talk to your roommate about. So it's a lot about communication and starting from the beginning, knowing what kind of rules you want to have in your dorm. So because that needs to feel like a comfortable space, that's the only place you have to go to. But it's not your own as a freshman.

Generally, you don't have a single. So knowing what kinds of conversations to have and how to do that. And some boundaries so that you and your roommate have that reciprocal kind of relationship as far as, you know, what what is acceptable and what's not. Who's a night owl and, you know, where the lights out and who's invited in and all of that.

Yeah. That's really important. Yeah, exactly. And are we going to share food and is anybody studying in the room and all those kinds of things? Can we have music? So many issues.

Do you like cold or hot? Are you going to wake up early in the morning and make noise? So all of that is good. And then to name it and put it all out there right in the beginning helps things again, wouldn't necessarily think about. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And it's think about it ahead of time. I mean, I'm a very proactive person, but I really think that, you know, there's, there's so much that's new when you get there. And if you have some of these things already dialed in and you know what you want to do, it's just going to make it feel more comfortable for you. Right. Oh, I can see how this would be such your mind at ease a lot more and, and really may help you feel empowered about the experience too. And then the next pillar is health.

yeah so yeah we're not just eating ramen noodles right yeah well I so I there are four areas of health that I discuss uh which are healthy eating and how to do that in the dining hall and I really mainly talk about colors putting colors on your plate so the colors are fruits and vegetables when I'm working one-on-one with someone I often have them send me like when they're in college I will have them send me a picture of their plate.

And it's amazing to see that not everyone even understands really what a vegetable is or what, you know, especially some boys that I've worked with. I'm not sure if this is a vegetable or not, you know, that kind of thing. It's interesting. So that drinking water, I give them a rule of thumb for how much water they need to be drinking, which is you take your body weight, divide it by two.

and that's the number of ounces of water you should be drinking every day. I don't know if that's a common knowledge or not. And then exercise, we talked about how to get exercise, how to, and we, we schedule that in, into the planner and exercise can be just walking around campus. It's just basically moving your body. They don't have to go lift weights. We also often look on the portal to see what kind of classes the gym might offer. That's often, you know, something that they hadn't thought about.

And then the last one is sleep, which is probably one of the most important ones. Now, how to get enough sleep, why it's so important in terms of your physical health, as well as your mental health and your academic performance. You're gonna do a whole lot better when you're in a class taking notes and you've had enough sleep and you really can focus on what's going on in the classroom on a daily basis and not just when you're taking a test.

So those are the four. This is so thorough. and again things you wouldn't always think about prepare for one of the things that comes to mind is when it when it is so overwhelming even if you are prepared maybe the roommate is not a good fit and you find that out a few weeks in maybe the classes you signed up for are much harder than you thought they would be or managing that schedule is just your classes are super far apart on the campus and you're having a hard time getting from one to the next or you know whatever it is. I have heard this quite often that kids don't often ask for help until it gets really bad and they feel really underwater. Yeah. I approach it to some extent in the academic skills part because I want them to be going to office hours and going to tutors in terms of the academics and that's asking for help. But yes, the managing stress part, it starts really with knowing that you have control, you have more control than you realize over your stress.

And it really has to do with your daily habits and having some kinds of tools that you know are going to make you feel less stressed and using them when you're, when you're starting to notice that my heart is racing or I'm just, I can't focus anymore, whatever it is, symptom that you have, maybe even get a stomach ache because you're just feeling so anxious. And so I introduced them to various different stress reducing tools.

The number one favorite is simple deep breathing, like a slow deep breathing. And I have a certain method that I teach it as. And the reason that that's so good for college students is that it can be done anytime. It doesn't take very long.

It solves the issue very quickly. And they really like it. I recently had this one boy is working with who is about to take his final. And I said, you know, don't forget to do your deep breathing. If you're feeling anxious, when you get into the room, he said, I'm not forgetting about it. I'm doing it all the time. Now. I just love it. It's just making me feel so much calmer on a daily basis and he's doing it throughout the day.

So that, that makes me feel really good. Uh, but there are other things that, you know, I talk about walking and walking around the campus and just being exposed to nature. Using a gratitude journal is good for some people. Using affirmations works for other people or, you know, some kind of combination of things. So there, there's gotta be something that they know they can go to. I want them to have, know that I will, they will feel relieved if they do this thing. And I'd rather than, okay, I'll just go out tonight to a frat and go to a party and that will make me feel better.

You know, I want to have something, some, some healthy way to deal with the stress. Right. I love that you say they have more control than they realize. Your program is just super empowering and can help a nervous or even excited college kid go. They're super excited. They're all in, they're ready for it to happen and it doesn't go the way they thought it would. And then that can easily derail the empowerment track.

And so kids can feel really defeated. So I think your program really sets them up for success. Your website is crushcollegestress.com.

So I encourage you parents to go check out Dale's information. We have a freebie, the parent's guide to college, six keys to ensure your child graduates on time. Well, that's an important thing too that we really haven't even mentioned here, But all of these tips that you're giving us and these pillars will really help your child be more successful so that they do graduate on time. Unfortunately, the time to graduate has been increasing.

It's very common for students to take five or six years now to graduate, which clearly is not good for their self-confidence. And it's obviously going to cost you more money if that happens. And I don't think it needs to be, as you said. And if they start strong as a freshman, they're set up for success.

They're much more likely to be able to graduate in four years. And I want to go back to the asking for help piece because that you mentioned, which that is really so important. Because as you said, a lot of kids will just wait till the end of the semester and then they'll realize that, oh, I haven't been doing well on these quizzes. that maybe I need to get some help.

And you can't condense 10 or 12 weeks into a couple of sessions of help. So it's really important to throughout the semester to make sure that you're understanding what you need and going to the professor or going to a tutor. And then on the emotional side, going to the health center, they do have help there for mental health. And I also caution parents whose kids are already using a therapist, which is very common now, to make sure that they either can continue using the one they have or find someone on campus in the town.

It may not necessarily be associated with the college because the colleges are overwhelmed with the number of kids wanting that kind of help. And I wouldn't count on it. I wouldn't count on having your child be able to see somebody as often as maybe they would like or had been used to in the past. So really making sure that that's in place before they get there.

Yeah, that's really important too. And with Zoom now, it makes it so much easier to be able to stay consistent with the person that you've been maybe relying on or that you already trust and knows you and can support you. So yeah, I just think in general though, having a program, I mean, I know I would have lasted a lot longer in college had I had something like this. When I remember back in the day when I was in college, they didn't have an advisor in my field. And the, you know, the advisor that I had was like, I don't know how to help you. And then there was just nothing else, you know? So, so having somebody that can really help navigate and prepare you. So your program is, is genius. I'm so glad you started this. I of course know lots of kids starting college because our son just graduated this year. And so, you know, I'm surrounded by people who need this service just in my personal life, but it is, it is really just genius. And it's such a great offering that you have. So people can go to crushcollegestress.com to your website. You also have are on Instagram and Facebook and have some tips and tools and things on there for parents and you also have a support community for parents. So why don't you tell us a little bit more about that? I decided that, you know, I really want to be a resource for parents. So,

and the way I get to them to feel comfortable with me so that I can actually work with their kids is I created a Facebook group and it's called College Parent Support Community. And we actually talk about things way beyond what I do. We talk about everything related to college admissions, as well as what's happening when they get to college. And I bring in other experts to talk about other topics, whether it's test prep or writing an essay, you know, all sorts of things.

And I've been really enjoying that because, you know, I feel like I'm giving them so much value that they can, you know, really share with their kids. And not everybody wants to work with me either. So that's fine. You know, I can't work with everyone.

So I offer a lot of free resources. My recent one that I gave out was called the College Communication Plan, telling parents how to maintain communication with their kids and what things they should discuss ahead of time. So there's always something valuable for parents to learn in my group, and I'd love for more people to join. We're going to put that link in the show notes as well so they can go join that community.

I think it's really fun to have groups like that where parents are even sharing their experiences or asking the questions. And sometimes we don't even know we'd have the same question until someone else asks it. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, it's nice to know for the students and for the parents that they're not alone, that everyone's experiencing the same thing.

And yeah, there's a lot of my I have to say I've kept my community advertising free. It's very it's it's just full of a lot of value, a lot of good feedback from it. Well, I am very thankful that you took the time out to share with us today. and let's improve that freshman dropout rate than 30%.

I mean, what? What? Oh, that's such a bummer. Let's get those kiddos empowered and feeling super confident and owning, you know, the power and the control that they have in their college journey.

So, and do that by heading over to Dale's website and get your students signed up and prepared. I just, I think it's a much needed resource and super valuable. So I appreciate you so much for being on the show today. Thank you so much.

I really enjoyed it. All right, parents, that's it for today. Make sure you head over to the website, noproblemparents.com.

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