What is Stress Really? with Special Guest & Founder of Stress Awareness Month, Dr. Mort Orman

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All right, welcome back, No Problem Parents. Let me introduce you to Dr. Mort Orman. Dr. Moore is an internal medicine physician with 40 years of success as an anger elimination expert.

He is the creator of the Not Angry Anymore 10-Session Quick Anger Mastery Program, and he has led more than 100 anger and stress elimination workshops for doctors, nurses, lawyers, business owners, entrepreneurs, and other professionals, even the FBI. He's also been the official sponsor of National Stress Awareness Month in the U.S. every April since 1992.

Well, I'm telling you, I have your book. I've started it and I am so excited to have you with me. Thanks for being on the show, Dr. Mort.

Oh, it's my pleasure. My pleasure. You have just one of my books. I've written 23 plus books.

That was my first one that I wrote. So I have the 14-Day Stress Cure, which is a new approach for dealing with stress that can change your life. And let's talk about that for just a second, because it's interesting that you have the word stress in the title of the book. And yet you say stress is not a thing.

Well, it's not a thing the way we think it's a thing. We've been told by the experts that stress is like a new disease or a new condition. and it's something you can suffer from. And so people walk around saying, I'm suffering from stress, I've got stress, or they'll go to their doctor and they'll say, can you give me something for stress?

It's like a disease. And it's actually not. It's just a word really, when you really dig deep into it. It's just a concept that didn't exist actually.

The word stress in the way we use it today didn't start being used until like the 1940s. Prior to that, nobody complained of having stress because the word, we didn't have the word to use. So it's really just a buzzword. It's a wastebasket term. And when we say we're stressed, well, what's really happening is we're having problems in our lives, apropos to your... No problem parenting, right.

Yeah. We'd like, and we have problems as parents and where we'd like to get to is where we don't have those problems. We'd like to have them solved. And that's really what, when we're dealing with stress, that's what we have problems that are bothering us or stirring up our physiology.

So the stress response is real. That's been studied and talked about and the hormones, all that kind of stuff. That's all real, but it's coming from problems we're having in life. So you can't really deal with stress per se. It's like dealing with trying to deal with a unicorn.

it's mythical you go try to grab it and it just dissolves it's not there what you have to do is you have to say okay i i say i'm stressed what that means is i'm having problems what are the problems i'm having and instead of lumping them all together and calling them stress which is what we've been taught to do you have to separate them apart say i'm having this problem this problem this problem if you are having multiple problems a lot of times we are or you might be having just one gigantic problem that just came up. Like COVID, for example, was a huge, out of the blue problem that was massive that just came up all of a sudden. And a lot of people were going along in life just fine until COVID hit. Now they have this huge, major problem they have to deal with. So it can be one big problem or lots of little problems, but they're problems.

So it could be you're getting angry. It could be you're feeling anxious. It could be you're having financial issues. It could be business issues. It could be you're having conflicts with your spouse or your kids. You're upset with the government, you know, and what's happening, you know, whatever, you know, it can be all kinds of different problems that we can say are stressing us. And it's really the problems that we need to deal with and focus on.

And the very first thing that I teach in No Problem Parenting in the course and both in my, both in the course and my one-on-one coaching is the definition of the word problem. And that is that it's a matter or situation that is unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome. So right in the definition of the word problem, it says, hey, you deal with it. It can be overcome. Let's tackle that. And that's what I do when I coach with my families too.

And I would say that's the same definite in my world, since I consider problems and stress the same thing. It's the same definition for stress. It's unwanted problems that are bothering us that could be harmful that we'd rather not have and we'd rather get rid of. Let's talk a little bit about your background and when you kind of moved into this, hey, I can help people eliminate anger. Yeah. So I'm an internal medicine doctor. So I went through college, medical school, medical training, all that kind of stuff. And I had a lot of issues or in my 20s and 30s, a lot of anger, a lot of anxiety as I was going through training and even after I opened my practice. And I was just very volatile and I was very easily triggered. And for example, I took up tennis in my late 20s. And I don't know if you ever saw John McEnroe play tennis. But I was like John McEnroe. If I missed a shot or lost a point, I would just start yelling at myself and screaming and stomping around and thrashing my racket and disturbing the people playing on either side of the end and I just couldn't control it and I would and it wasn't just limited to the tennis court obviously you know I would get angry all over the planet with my parents angry at my sister and with girlfriends that would come up all the time um and it and even my patients when I opened my practice in my first couple years I would get angry at patients if they

didn't stop smoking or if they didn't follow my advice didn't want to have a test that I recommend or something, explain to them and they go, no, I don't want to. So, I mean, I realized I had this problem and I tried all the traditional anger management stuff and the stress management stuff and it really didn't help. So I decided I made, fortunately, I made a decision that turned out to be a really great decision. I didn't really know for sure at the time, but I decided to do personal development work, you know, and take some time and invest some money and try to learn some things that I wasn't taught in medical school.

And lo and behold, there was a ton of stuff I discovered that I didn't understand and that wasn't covered in medical school about human beings, you know, and about emotions and about stress. All this kind of stuff. I was discovering that a lot of things that we're taught to believe in society and through education and even through experts turns out to not be true. and and that can be very disconcerting for some people but for me it was like very eye-opening because I consider myself a very well-educated person when you go through that whole thing you know you and in terms of being in terms of medicine and health I was you know top tier in terms of education but I had all these blind spots and and uh you know gaps in my understanding of people. And here I am treating people and not really understanding them and not really understanding myself in the process. So that's why I did the personal development work. And eventually, after a couple of years, I learned enough stuff that I was able to kind of put it together into a system that I could use where I could get at some of the internal causes,

because I learned about internal causes. So I wasn't just focused on what was going on outside of me as the cause of my problems, which again is what we're taught to do. I started saying, okay, there's those things outside of me that I may or may not be able to influence, but what about all the stuff going on inside of me that's getting triggered? What about all the thoughts that are getting triggered and the assumptions and the ways I've been conditioned to perceive and think about things and behave? I had really little insight into all that stuff.

And I started to recognize different patterns within myself that were causing problems in my life or were causing emotions in my life or were causing my relationships to fail with women, which they did repeatedly. And like each time, each time a romantic relationship would fail, I would do like a postmortem, you know, to identify the causes. So I would figure out the things that were wrong with that woman, the characteristics that in that woman that caused the relationship failure. So I would, I would vow to make sure I didn't pick the next woman that had those characteristics. But of course, the next relationship failed. Even as careful as I was to not select those characteristics again, didn't matter. Right, right. It was internal.

Yeah. And I was, I was a slow learner at that point. So it took me a lot of failed relationships before I kindly said, kind of said, I wonder if I have something to do with these failing. It was the common denominator.

Yeah. And then I started looking inside and I started, okay, what are my ideas about relationships? You know, what do I think is the success formula for succeeding in a relationship with a woman or with anybody else? You know, but and then I started looking and I started, okay, I have this idea that looking at my behavior in past relationships.

And so it must be coming from this idea that I had. And then I said, I looked at that idea and I went, that's not a success idea. That's a failure. I wouldn't want to be with somebody that treated me like that.

You know, so I had all these macho, you know, traditional relationship, male, female, man in control, woman, you know, puts up with the man, all that kind of crap. And I don't know where I got them from. My family wasn't like that. I must have got them from TV or from friends or books.

But I just, I didn't even know they were in me. But that was how I operated in relationships. I just operated on these automatic assumptions and patterns, thinking it was a success structure. And when I really saw it for what it really was, I realized this is guaranteed failure in a relationship.

And that's the point where I realized, again, I don't really understand relationships. I better find out and identify some people who do know some things about relationships so I can learn from them and start to find out what really does work and incorporate that into my being. you know so that you know I don't keep having these failures and I'm happy to say I was successful at doing that it took some time and studied with a bunch of people but my wife and I just celebrated our 38th wedding anniversary well congratulations I was able by doing that internal work I was able to turn that all around and stop doing the stupid things that were ruining my relationship yeah let's talk about a couple of those stupid things that are probably more common you know they're probably pretty common things that a lot of men and women uh do well you know but here's one thing somehow we've been given this fairy tale story that if you find a partner and you feel good about each other and you have the love and you have positive emotions and you personalities fit together and your interests fit together you know that that will somehow carry the relationship forward, you know, forever and ever in happiness.

Right. We all find out that that doesn't work most of the time. Occasionally there's some people that can pull it off, but we don't understand that we're programmed by living all the life we lived independently. You know, we're programmed to live independently and to think like an independent person, to want to satisfy our needs, to do what we want to do when we want to get our way because when we're by ourselves we're not in a relationship with another person we can do that okay so you bring two people together who have that same basic conditioning and they don't understand that if they're not smart about it they're going to destroy the relationship whether they no matter how much they they love the other person or excited about the other person or not they're just made their makeup is such that if they don't understand how they're going to destroy it and how they have destroyed previous relationships,

which a lot of us don't figure out like I didn't for a while. If you don't understand exactly how you're doing it, it's going to keep happening until you do, until you recognize you've been conditioned to have certain automatic ways of behaving, automatic ways of responding, maybe even what you say and how you communicate, you know, could be very pathological in the sense of having a good relationship, but it's just automatic.

It's just how we're conditioned. And if you don't understand that stuff and know how to short circuit it and see things in a different way so that you don't act that way, then you're likely going to fail. So people think relationships are designed to succeed. I think the truth is they're designed to fail unless you know that.

Interesting. Take steps to keep both of you, to take steps to keep you from destroying the relationship and also to keep your partner from destroying the relationship. And your partner has the same opportunity as well to say, okay, here's how I destroy relationships. You tell me how you destroy relationships, and I'll try to keep you from destroying this, and you try and keep me from destroying it.

And then we have a chance. That's intriguing to me. So let's say you're having that conversation with your spouse or your partner. Maybe you're just dating at this point or something.

What would be something that you would, you know, identify? Well, a big cause of stress problems in life and also in relationships is wanting to be right, having a strong need to be right, which a lot of us, most of us have. Okay. And in fact, biologically and evolutionary wise, we have to have that because we have to move in life, to function in life.

You've got to have certain beliefs or theories or strategies, and you've got to believe they're right in the moment anyway, so that you can respond. If you questioned and doubted everything, you know, you'd be paralyzed. Right. So we have this built-in biologic need to be right.

the problem is and and like for me as a doctor i mean i was trained for seven years to absolutely be right in everything i did you know there was there was no value in being wrong about anything in medicine you're taught that that's like the worst thing you can do is make the wrong diagnosis write the wrong prescription you know prescribe the wrong treatment right yeah so it's all about being right being right being right being right which is great when you're functioning as a physician, you know, or a brain surgeon. You want to be right. But when you go home and you're with your kids and your spouse, that's going to kill your relationship if you don't know how to turn that off. Same thing with perfectionism. In medicine, they teach you to be a perfectionist.

And you have to be a perfectionist. You know, if you have one decimal point is off on a prescription, that could be catastrophic for somebody. So, yeah, when you're functioning as a physician, you want to be in control, you want to be a perfectionist, you want to be right, all those things. When you go home and you expect your kids to function perfectly and your wife to function perfectly and you're in control and they will, you know, be subservient to your control, That just doesn't work in relationship land.

This is so good. And that's why a lot of doctors have a lot of stress and marital problems, because they don't understand that the very thing that makes them a good doctor is going to kill their relationships with their spouse and with their kids and with other people. I think this is true for people that are in really any leadership position. Obviously, it makes sense for a doctor.

but also when you're running a company, when you're the CFO, when you're the CEO, when you're, I mean, like you have to be right and you have to have it together in order to, for the company to succeed. So I think this is, this is, and as a mom or a dad who is running the household into it, like you have to be right a lot of the time to manage the schedule, to make sure the kids are, you know, up to date with their doctor visits and their schooling is, you know, all on track. So this is, I love this. And what's the right thing to do for the kids? What's the right way to discipline the kids? What's the right way to train the kids? What's the right way when the kid comes to you with a problem? What's the right way to, we're all, we're always in that right conversation,

but, and there's many places where it's, it's useful. Okay. It's funny. I remember knowing that, knowing how we get conditioned with, we bought, when my daughter was really young, She was like two or three. We got one of these little game things where you have to choose from a bunch of different squares.

What you know, what's the right choice or not? And every time you choose the correct, the machine has a little automated voice that goes, you are right. Oh, yeah. All right. And I'm watching my daughter play with this thing.

And I'm realizing is this is going to this is going to be a problem for her. But what do you do? It's everywhere. You can't get rid of it.

Oh my gosh, that's funny. Yeah, and it probably gives you dopamine or whatever the hormone is that's going to give you that good feeling. So what I'm gathering out of this is when it comes to anger in our marriages and that if both parties are feeling like they need to be right, sometimes it's about being heard. And even if you have a better idea or a different idea, it's about being able to present that idea to each other.

That's in communication and in relationship and partnership. But there's a deeper way in which being right plays a role in anger. We basically have not been educated properly about so that we can understand where our anger comes from. It always looks like it's coming from what's going on outside of us.

So if you're angry at your spouse, it's whatever they're doing or not doing or whatever. Or the same with your kids. It's their behaviors or lack of behaviors that is making you angry. And it looks like that external event, you see that, you feel the anger.

It looks like it's a direct cause-effect relationship. And there's nothing in between. But it turns out there's a lot in between going on inside of us where there's a whole cascade of very specific thoughts and perceptions that have to be there for us to feel angry. Okay?

And not only does that, and this is all happening in the background, mostly invisible. We don't feel it. We don't see it. But our bodies are generating these ways of perceiving, these filters.

We're looking at the outside world and the thing we don't like. Not only is it generating the way of looking at it, but it's stamping it as true and right. So it's not just we're looking at it in a certain way. We're looking at it in the right way.

So if somebody, if your kid's doing something, it looks like you're doing something wrong or your spouse is doing something that looks to you wrong. It's not, well, I have an opinion that it's wrong. No, it's wrong. It's absolutely wrong.

There's no question about it. There's no doubt about it. Because we are being right about our perception of wrongness in other people. Okay.

You can do the same thing for yourself. If you're angry at yourself, you're being right about the fact that whatever you judge yourself to have done wrong, okay, that you actually did do wrong. And a lot of times that's not really true, but it doesn't matter because we already have concluded that the way we see it is the way that it is. And that has so much to do with anger and other emotions, by the way.

It's not just anger, but same with anxiety, same with guilt, same with worry, same with frustration. There's a rightness underneath all of this. We're a conviction that we know the truth and that we're seeing the truth. And the truth is what's driving our anger as we see it.

Not the real truth, but the truth that we believe is true is driving our anger. And what's interesting is if you actually know the mechanism, the thoughts that produce anger, which is what I teach people how to know, which I didn't know back in my 20s and 30s, so I couldn't do anything about my John McEnroe-like volatile personality. But once I understood what was driving my anger within me, the specific three or four ways I have to be thinking in order to get angry, I could look at them once I knew that.

And I could say, is this true? Is this true? Is this true? Is this true?

And lo and behold, if I did that, I would often find out, well, wait a second, that automatic assumption isn't true. I know it looks true and it feels true, but when I really think about it, it's not true. So I'll just give you an example. My wife and I rarely, we've been married 38 years, we rarely get into fights.

We just, neither one of us comes from families where that was like what you're supposed to do in a marriage. Okay. So we rarely fight. But early in our marriage, we had a pattern where on a certain circumstance, we would get into a fight.

And it only happened when we went on a car trip somewhere for vacation and we drove, no problem, no problem during the vacation. but every time we came home we would start sniping at each other when we're riding back in the car and it was so it stuck out like a sore thumb so after it happened like two or three times I said to myself whoa something's going on here you know this this isn't right something's going on and I started asking myself what's what's going on and it turns out what it was is again my wife and I come from different families in my family when you we went on a car trip and we drove home, we got in the car and we drove directly home. You know, we maybe stopped for food or gas or whatever, but we drove straight home. No, you don't deviate. You just go right home.

In my wife's family, it was different. When they drove home from a vacation, one of them might say, oh, there's something over here I'd really like to see. It's only an hour, hour and a half, you know, off of our path. Let's go do that. And they would say, okay, we'll go do that. So what would happen is we'd start driving home and I'd usually be driving And my wife, my wife would say, oh, I'd like to go over here and do this and see this.

And it's only an hour. I go, no, we're not doing that. We're done. We're on our way home.

Vacation's over. The implication was, is like, I know the right way to drive home. And that's definitely not the right way. You know, so I communicate, even though I didn't say that to her in so many words, my tone suggested that she was wrong to have suggested that.

Okay. That I was right to refuse to do that. Okay. and I was all coming from I know the right way to drive home okay and and then because of my tone she would react to my tone and then get pissy with me and then I would feel like that was unjustified what is she getting pissy with me for I'm just pointing out what everybody knows is this is the right way to drive home so it would go back and forth and that but when I stopped and looked at it and I realized and I asked myself this the simple question is it am I really right and is she really wrong in truth yeah absolutely not and as soon as i asked that question it was like the jig is up you know it's like well i guess it's not that i'm really right it's just the way i'm used to doing it or it's my preference of how to do it it's not that hers is really wrong it's just and i'm playing i'm accusing her of being wrong that's the truth that is in my body that my body stamped as true. But the real truth is she's not wrong. And I'm not right. And from that point on,

it was like, okay, anytime you want to go somewhere off the beaten path, fine with me. My job is to make you happy. Right. Well, I love the understanding of that, though, too, because some people are like in their way, or they have their their mindset on a certain way.

And so technically, you're not wrong either. Yeah. But coming to that agreement or understanding before you go on a trip. Like if your expectation is we're going to, the trip ends on this day and we will be arriving at our front door at this time.

And, you know, you're not going to be able to be flexible with that. Just having that understanding ahead of time is key. Versus, hey, maybe we'll add on an extra day just in case, you know, we want to stop. I had all this, I had all these years, all this years of having worked on myself, many, many instances where I started to get angry and then I caught myself and I examined the thought processes behind it, which I knew and realizing that was wrong. I had something wrong in there. So I'd had all these instances of having discovered where I was angry and I thought I was right, that I was actually wrong. So when this one came up, it wasn't that hard for me to, you know, do this, you know, that what I just described is to look at what I did and admit it was wrong,

because I'd had hundreds and hundreds of previous instances where that had been the case. And until you get some experience like that, you know, it's hard for people just to automatically let go of their truth that they think and feel is true, you know. But that's where the anger comes from. Yeah, absolutely.

Anger is an emotion that we often don't want. So in that sense, it becomes a negative, like a problem. So there are times maybe where anger, you want anger if you're trying to manage your kids or you're managing your employees or make something happen in the world, you know, that's not happening. So there's times that anger is useful.

I even still use it today if I'm talking to a customer service rep. I want to get some something, you know, some compensation for something. So it's not that anger is bad, but 80 or 90 percent of the time, it's just causing problems. You know, you get angry at your kid. Yeah, you may get them to stop doing something, but now they're representing you and they're feeling threatened, you know, in their in their brains.

You know, you attack them and now they feel something's wrong with them. So you're kind of damaging your kids. You're damaging the relationship with your kids. You know, maybe five years down the line, they're not going to want to be around you anymore or talk to you anymore because all these little anger things have built up.

So same thing that happens in marriages. You know, people get angry with each other and they sit on it. And then, you know, 10 years later, one of them says, I want a divorce because they've been silently unhappy and angry for a long time. So it's very damaging to not understand our emotions, which unfortunately is true for most people today.

There are very few people who understand emotions. You know, it's so bad that even in the emotional intelligence movement, they don't understand emotions. Where that movement comes from is if you take large numbers of people and you look at people who are really good at dealing with their emotions and people who are really poor at dealing with their emotions, and you observe them and study them, The people who are really good at dealing with their emotions do much better in life.

They're more successful. They're more productive. They make more money. They have better relationships, all that stuff.

And you look at the people who are not so good, they have poorer outcomes. So that's where the movement got its impetus from. But if you ask, how good is that movement in taking a person who's in that category of not being good at dealing with their emotions and moving them into the category of being really masterful at dealing with their emotions, they don't have the ability to do that most of the time. They've got a lot of theories and stuff and talk about how good it is to have good emotional control, which is great. But how do you get somebody from negative mastery to positive mastery? And the whole movement is weak in that regard. That's basically what I, that's my whole mission in life is to move people who are not great at dealing with their emotions to being really masterful and terrific at dealing with their emotions. And you have to do it kind of the way we've been talking about. You have to understand the root causes of the emotion in terms of the thoughts and behaviors that are driving it. And they're very specific. They're general thoughts, but you've got to know exactly what they are. Specific to you. Yeah. Like,

for example, the first thought in the anger cascade is somebody did something bad and wrong. So you don't get angry if you're looking at somebody's behavior and it looks fine, normal good. Right. You're not going to get angry about that. You only get angry when something looks like it's bad or wrong or something people shouldn't be doing. Okay. So that's, that's part of the, of the, of the process of thinking that has to be there. And, and you have to know that where your anger is coming from is you're judging other people to be bad and wrong. Just like I was judging my wife to be wrong when she wanted to deviate from the straight path home. I judged her to be wrong and got angry with her. And she judged me to be wrong for getting angry with her.

Right. And I wonder about this. I share this with parents quite a bit too, when their child's misbehaving or, you know, having these negative behaviors and things. And a lot of times I think we take the other person's behavior personally. Yes. And that's what you're drumming up in my mind here is that it feels like if our child doesn't do what we ask them to do or doesn't or does something we ask them not to do that when they do it we have this like automatic trigger that says like they did it on purpose to hurt me or to make me mad and then we stamp that with truth and our bodies do we stamp that's a truth now okay when in fact most of the time they're probably not doing it on purpose to hurt us. They've got these immature brains that aren't like our brains,

but we imagine that their brains work like our brains, which is a mistake, by the way. Their brains work very differently until they're like 20 something. And we're assuming they've got a normal brain and that's so that therefore they must be doing it intentionally. No, their brains work differently than our brains. And we're falsely, we're accusing them of something that they actually didn't do. And that's causing our anger.

So it's actually an illusion that's driving our anger. It's a mistake in our perception. And we don't see that. We don't see the whole mechanism because it's inside of us.

Right. Unless you know what it is, you can't notice it. If we're always angry at our kids and we're always kind of flippant and demanding and controlling and, you know, sort of that drill sergeant mindset, you can send your kid off to their room and you can, you know, make them stay in their room for hours. well minutes I used to do this thing where you know you put your child in their room for one minute for each year of life so if they were four they'd have to stay in for four minutes that if they were 10 they'd have to stay in there for 10 whatever that to me it's like no when they've calmed and they've been able to pull it together get them out of that room or chair or wherever they're at if you're even using the technique at all because otherwise in my mind what you're doing is giving them extra time to think about how they're going to retaliate.

It becomes no longer about the problem, like getting them to stop the behavior that they were doing that you didn't approve of, or that was harmful or negative. It becomes more about how am I going to get back at you, mom and dad, because you've made me mad. They're not thinking about, I'm not going to do that again. One of the things we don't realize is that our actions have consequences.

So if we're angry frequently at our kids, we're going to be causing our kids to be angry back with us and to figure out ways to sabotage us, which is going to make us more angry. So we're going to throw more anger at them. It's going to make them even more angry and they're going to be more retaliating towards us consciously. And they might be doing something unconsciously.

Right. that they will mess up something, they will spill something, they will knock something over, you know, not intentionally, but it's just because they feel so beaten up by our anger towards them that they're part of them is wanting to retaliate, like you say, and get back at us now because we've hurt them. Now they want to hurt us in return. So we don't realize that's another way in which anger is so damaging in our relationships. It's not just, it's not just it can damage our health and it can damage our relationship with our kids, that can damage our kids or make our kids more angry, you know?

And we actually have this cycle where, you know, if kids grow up in a family where the parents express a lot of anger, they become parents who express a lot of anger. Their kids grow up to become parents who express a lot of anger. And you just have these generations of angry people who sometimes believe that the way to have a happy marriage is to have a lot of fighting and anger in the marriage, you know, because that's what they're used to.

but it's not necessary. It's just, you know, it's just what they grew up with. And they have this thought that if they're not fighting with their spouse, they don't, they're not in love, you know? Yeah. Isn't that interesting. And when you would, when you think of that logically, it's like, what?

We don't think about it logically. No. Right. So you have this program called not angry anymore.

It's 10 session quick anger mastery program. Tell us a little bit about that. It's amazing how quickly you can take a person from being an angry kind of person to teaching them about some truths about anger that they're not aware of and they've never been taught before. And in just 10 one-hour sessions, I can get people all the way over to the side of where they're hardly getting angry at all now.

And they've got a system for understanding their anger that they can use for the rest of their life so that they can diffuse a lot of the anger. They can prevent a lot of the anger. And eventually, as they do that, things that bothered them now won't be bothering them in the past. For the last 40 years of my life, I've rarely gotten angry.

And the same stuff happens that used to make me really upset, you know, and I don't get upset anymore. And so actually somebody asked me the other day, what do you do to do that? It's like, I don't do anything. I'm just a different person now.

I see the world differently. I see events differently. and the way I see them now, they don't make me angry. So I'm not doing, I did some stuff in the past to get there, but today if something happens and I don't get angry about it, I didn't do anything. I just didn't see it in the old way. And therefore the emotion of anger didn't get produced in my body. You know, there's a couple of things that I really love about your 10 session quick anger mastery program. And that is not only for the parent. What number one is for the parents so that they can see things differently and they can get themselves out of this jail cell of anger.

I mean, I just really feel like it holds us back when we're real flippant or, you know. And it's the same even if we're sitting on the anger, if we don't express it, it's still harmful if we're sitting on it. So yeah, absolutely. The problem is just getting angry frequently, which is not necessary most of the time.

Right. And so I love that you can do this in 10 sessions. And I also, I love that you have this way of making it not so personalized, like your, your partner or your child is attacking you. That is key.

That is so key and so beneficial to couples and also just individuals and definitely to parents. The other thing I like about this, um, not angry anymore program is that when you can do that as a parent, it is a game changer for your kids because you can then help your children learn the same thing that you've now learned and you're modeling that for them. And so I just think, Dr. Moore, this is just brilliant. I wish I would have known you years ago. The 14-Day Stress Cure, and I know that's different than your anger program, but it is literally you take it day by day. It's not a book you read right through. It's a day by day, and you can even take a couple days if you need to on each of the chapters.

Yeah, it's 14 chapters. That's why I called it. That's why I called it the 14-Day Stress Cure. And it's not like all your stress is going to be gone at the end of 14 chapters, But your whole understanding of stress will be permanently forever changed.

You will not look at stress the same way before you started reading the book. You'll have a whole new, deeper understanding that's much more accurate than what's currently being taught today. I'll tell you, I've only read the first two chapters and I already have a completely different take on stress. And I was so excited reading it because it was like you say, stress is problems.

And of course, like I mentioned at the beginning of this recording, problems are meant to be dealt with and overcome. So it's like, yeah, let's pull out the emotion from some of this stuff. Not that we don't want people to be emotional, but sometimes we go down that rabbit hole of emotion and then we start to feel either guilt, shame, resentment, you know, any of those things. And it's like, oh, my gosh, we don't have to put that much energy into it.

And that's another thing I say with no problem parenting is problems are meant to be dealt with and overcome. We only give at no problem parenting problems as much attention as they deserve. And that's it. Then we keep her moving. As we say in the Midwest, it's like we don't need to make this problem bigger than it needs to be.

And I really believe wholeheartedly that that's what you're doing with your books and your anchor program and all of it. So I'm just so thrilled that you're on the show with me today. And I look forward to partnering with you on other events and things to get the word out. Because I just truly believe in what you're doing.

It's already been helpful for me. You have a free PDF that people can download called The Anger Solution. They can just go to theangersolution.org.

I'll have that in the show notes. Tell us about that. Yeah, that's a very short PDF that talks a little bit more about anger. And some of the signs of having issues with anger.

And then it talks about my Not Angry Anymore 10-Session Anger Program and tells people how they can get in touch with me if they want to set up a time to talk about that, see if that's something they might want to do. And I also get on my – when they download the PDF, they get on my email list, and I discuss a topic each week related to stress or anger or something related. And I break it into three pieces, and I deliver it on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

And I've been doing that for 12 years now. so people just seem to enjoy getting those emails and reading them each week. You've really unlocked the key. I'd really like to see this get into the school systems.

Oh my gosh for sure this would literally be a game changer. Because unfortunately what we're doing is we're teaching people how to be angry and we really need to teach them the tools for how to get out of the anger that we've programmed them to have. I love everything that you're doing And I'm so thankful that you came on the show and were a guest today. So thank you so much for being here.

You are absolutely welcome. Thank you. All right, parents. Thanks for listening in today.

And hey, real quick, before we go, are you ready to become a No Problem Parent? There are three ways that you can get started. Choose the best fit for your learning style, your schedule, and your budget. Option one, for the do-it-yourself parents, purchase the Becoming a No Problem Parenting on-demand program.

In just a few simple modules, I'm going to lay out for you the foundations for solving behavior issues in your family and with your kiddos. You can literally transform your child's behavior after watching just the first lesson. Binge watch the videos in just an hour and a half or complete the program lesson by lesson in four weeks. This program comes with a personalized strategy session with me and a downloadable workbook.

Option two for parents who like to learn live from the comfort of your home, but with the support of other rock star parents, you're going to want to join my eight week mastermind on your beta. Your beta, U-R-V-E-D-A, your beta is the next generation personal development platform providing live and interactive masterminds and masterclasses. And I am proud to be one of your beta's partnering presenters. For just $100 a month, your Your Veda membership gives you exclusive access to not only the No Problem Parenting Masterclass, it includes access for you and all members of your family to all of the masterminds on this learning development platform.

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Option three, work with me one-on-one. There are three parent coaching packages for you to choose from. But I got to tell you parents, one-on-one coaching sessions are limited and they require a 30-minute consultation with me before you commit to coaching. I want to make sure that you're ready to shift your mindset and that your family is a good fit for No Problem Parent coaching.

No worries. If it's not a good fit, I'll suggest resources and next steps for you and your family. So head on over to NoProblemParents.com to get started or to check out the No Problem Parenting Mastermind on your VEDA's personal development platform.

Go to YourVEDA, U-R-V-E-D-A dot org. You know, parents, the most common response I get from parents that have worked with me is, we wish we would have known of you sooner, Jackie. So don't wait. Go to NoProblemParents.com and get started today.