Unshakable Togetherness: Discover your #1 Stress Relief blocker and Become a better leader in your corporate role by becoming a better partner at home, with Special Guest Uwe Dockhorn

Hey there, parents. Welcome to the No Problem Parenting Podcast, where we choose to deal with and overcome the behavior problems in our home by putting those problems in their place so that they don't cause even more problems. I'm Jackie Finneman, parenting coach and strategist, and I've helped hundreds of families over the course of 30 years and with over 50,000 hours of experience addressing behavior problems head-on and nipping them in the bud. I teach and support parents in the day-to-day ups and downs of parenting on how and how not to respond to your kiddo's behavior so that you can be the confident leader your kids crave you to be.

And if after listening to this episode, you'd like to strategize on how to get your family back on track, go to NoProblemParents.com and book a strategy session with me. All right, welcome back parents to the No Problem Parenting podcast, where we choose to deal with and overcome the emotional and behavioral challenges within our home. And I brought on another special guest today, Mr. Uwe Dakhorn.

Let me tell you a little bit about Uwe. Uwe is the CEO at Liberating Lifestyles and the founder of the AIM Experience, a three-step transformational experience for in-demand professionals and their spouses or life partners. Uwe believes in cultivating the internal certainty and clarity that improve your outcomes financially in business and emotionally in relationships. What motivates him daily is to see that working out with his clients in delivering more than 17,000 live sessions on the AIM experience worldwide in the last 15 years. Uwe has worked with high achievers and their VIPs, very important partners in almost every industry, role, and lifestyle, helping them achieve lasting results in eight hours or less. This is so intriguing. Welcome to the show, Uwe.

Well, it's really a pleasure being here with you, Jackie. Thanks for having me. I'm really excited about being here. And you are coming all the way today from Germany. Well, behind Zoom.

Yes, right. We're all kind of like stuck to some extent in our studios. Yes. So, but through us with a digital lines from Germany. But as I already told you, I speak 98% of my time English.

Hopefully you can understand me. Sometimes I have difficulties in German, but I won't bother you with that problem. Well, I just love that. You know, I've been doing Zoom sessions with my clients for six years now, but since COVID, it's really become a norm for many families. And I absolutely love the connections I'm able to make worldwide with a variety of services and service providers. And so I'm just really thankful that you and I were able to be connected. And I'm happy to have this discussion with you today. We're going to talk about mental health and personal development in relationships. And really, I want to highlight your Unshakeable Togetherness program. But why don't we start by having you just tell us a little bit about your story and why you do what you do today. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for highlighting that. So yeah, I think it's really connected to what I do. And let's dive a little deeper. And you know, I'm German,

so I'm just kind of like, also always going a little deeper with my clients. So I want to invite you also into my backstory. And it really started six days before Christmas in 2016. and when my mother died.

And, you know, I always cherished that I was there for her, holding her hands when she left. So I loved my family and it was my safe haven. Although they gave me their love and protection as a young boy, I was sexually abused and told no one. And after I lost two very important family members, my uncle when I was 16 and my father when I was 23. Something just broke inside of me.

And I started to believe that, you know, the remaining members of my family had given up on me, distanced myself from them, even my mother, you know, because I felt I couldn't risk opening up to them. So I became isolated, separated from friends, lost my job, was overwhelmed physically and emotionally exhausted. In fact, there was no reason for being in this world. I wasn't sad or angry.

The truth is, I didn't feel anything at all. That's when I found myself on the edge of a bridge on a cold winter night. I could see my breath as I slowly leaned forward and I let go. but at that moment something happened for the very first time since my father had died i felt something inside him and it drew me back from jumping it literally saved my life that night i learned an important lesson i learned that transformation requires more than letting go of the status quo. Without the other half of the equation, letting go just leaves you in free fall. If all I had done, you know, on that bridge was let go, then I would not be here talking to you today. So you're probably wondering, what is the other half? Well,

the second half of the equation is to feel, perceive, and let in what is already there. Letting go and letting in, it's a two-part mechanism. And they're only complete as a pair. On that bridge, all those years ago, I let in a small spark that grew into a powerful flame.

and I made myself a promise that I'm still keeping today to make it my life's mission to help others learn this secret because letting go and letting in is crucial for your well-being and your family's happiness letting in energy positive thoughts and a sense of certainty letting go of self-doubt fear negativity and stress and it really is that simple and the more you do it, the more it happens. It's like a switch that you can consciously flip to strengthen and re-energize your relationship with your partner every single day. You're letting go and letting in switch is also your own anti-burnout system. And it even can divorce-proof your marriage and help you to become a better leader so that's why i do what i do and you know we demonstrate the aim experience on our monthly life demonstrations and there's there's lots to learn and lots of interaction and we always share kind of like how i help my clients that you know because we know each other from you being on my podcast we had several conversations already So that's just kind of like the gist of why I do what I do.

And it's connected to liberating lifestyles I enable my clients to achieve. It was really that moment that showed me the importance of how important family life is. And that just strengthened my kind of like my mission in life, not only helping executives and their VIPs in their own life, but also to, you know, to hold on to that and make it worthwhile to fight for their family life as long as they have one. I love this.

So let's talk a little bit about the secret formula of a liberating lifestyle. And you really do have a different approach as far as when you are working with couples who are, you know, maybe they own their own business or their CEOs or VIPs in their company. And, you know, things might be going really well at work, not so well at home, or maybe not so well in both places. and the person is just feeling like, you know, there's no hope or that there's just that they can't do anything right. And there's a disconnect at work and a disconnect at home. So tell us about that secret formula of a liberating lifestyle and then also how you coach these couples.

Yeah, thank you for giving me the opportunity. And it's essentially also combined with why it is different what I do. That's part of the secret of the liberating lifestyle. So let me just set the context here for us for a moment. So I think we can all agree that the world has changed since COVID hit us all, right? So and from the perspective of the breadwinner in these high achiever families, the executive, the medical professional, and the business owner, I must say that in traditional leadership training, the focus is always on work-related issues solely, but that is outdated.

So let me just post something here. To become a better leader, you first have to become a better partner at home. Here's why. You know, I started out, gosh, now 15 years and more than 17,000 sessions ago with executives, business owners, but also medical professionals and more and more with their VIPs, as I call them, the very important partners at home.

And what I realized is that this traditional leadership training is outdated. So I identified a missing link. Let me explain. Typically, what happens in high achiever families is that from the perspective of the VIP, too often they feel they're down here in their relationship while, you know, kind of like, but if I haven't held my hand here and you see kind of like there's a lower level.

And then while the breadwinner is up here on a higher level and they resent that the VIPs, they feel abandoned. They ask themselves, what about me? What's the next step in my career? Why don't you spend more time with me and the kids, et cetera? And the anguishing arguments start. And at one point, the big D is looming at the horizon. And if they decide to go that pathway of a divorce essentially it means to live an independent life outside of marriage and this is this was you know a typical result before COVID hit us so this is where I come into the picture because what I do differently because I'm not a family counselor I'm not a family therapist I coach both partners at the same time but separately so they can regain their independence within their relationship and start to level up to each other.

And we do this, as you know, in regular evaluation sessions, which we call falling back in love sessions. So, and there are lots of goosebumps moments to experience there. And, you know, you've been on my podcast, you've answered the question about the goosebumps moment. They're so important.

And in these falling back in love sessions, they realize, oh gosh, this is why I trigger you with my sticky family pattern and vice versa. And because they have dealt with it on their own first, separately, they are now ready to discover their truest, deepest connection with each other. And therefore, they can upgrade their relationship to an interdependent one and enjoy more free time, more intimacy, adventures, and unshakable togetherness.

And therefore, you also get better results at work because there's a close connection between your family life and your life as a leader in a leadership position. This is the missing link. Typically, what happens in most leadership training is that you focus on the leader and their work-related issues. And somehow you should manage also to keep a so-called work-life balance.

And here's why, from my experience, this is wrong. You see, I flipped the script because in order to become a better leader, you first have to become a better partner at home. And therefore, you can gain the motivation at home so you can spend it at work and then repeat. And this helps you to get to the top of your performance at work, being fully committed without stress or guilt.

You increase employee engagement and enable better decision-making skills for challenging and critical leadership situations because you have that internal certainty that you carry inside because of being a better partner at home. and this is so important because that is the difference that you know is mostly lost in typical leadership training from the perspective of the of the breadwinner but from the VIP's perspective of course they just not only want to provide emotionally to the family they want to provide financially they want to contribute they they want to be acknowledged and so all the things all the dots are coming together and and fall into place if you just make that identify that missing link that you have to focus on the family and the life partner first and then the business part yeah this is so great and it's it's so interesting I personally I just do better in my every day at work at home with uh community friends family extended family when my husband and I are on the same page, getting along, just feeling naturally connected and, and, uh,

and invested in each other and things are just going well. I just do better when I know he's okay. And, you know, then, then I feel okay. I just energetically, emotionally, I just feel better and do better when he and I are feeling good about each other. And so I love your approach.

I love that you meet with the husband and wife separately, individually. Yeah. So, of course, at the beginning, of course, we have a situation in the session where we kind of like gather together. So they're kind of like aware.

And that's just one question I ask them. So do you want to stay together? So because essentially that is the foundation. so I can't help honestly if you decided if one partner decided to no I don't want to stay together then this getting deeper connected together won't work necessarily if you made that decision if you're on the verge of thinking about it of course there is there's time to see that because many clients come to me because they see that on the horizon showing up and see kind of like that big D, as I call it, on the horizon. But, you know, there's time before that to really get into the nitty gritty of divorce that can be avoided, definitely, and divorce proof your marriage. Yeah, my husband and I have been together over 30 years, 26 married, going on 27. And, you know, we've had as many relationships have over the years, the ups and downs, the highs and lows and all those things. And we've often said that we're too lazy and too cheap to get a divorce, but there's a better way than just trying to ride it out. There's, you know, you can go for months or years being in conflict with each other and not necessarily frustrating conflict. It could just be this, you know, disconnect and reaching out to somebody, especially if therapy hasn't worked for you. Uwe, I really highly recommend people reach out to you and take a look at your approach because your approach is really founded on principles of time, freedom, autonomy, equality,

and inner certainty. And I just think that it's a very authentic approach and you're really getting to know the individuals in the marriage as well as helping them reconnect in their relationship. I think because my approach is serving the family kind of like so they can create a safe haven for themselves where the certainty can nourish and flourish in that regard. So it really comes to, you know, you don't wake up.

Our family has this kind of problem. I think sometimes it's communication. you can say it's like I don't like how we talk with each other how we are with each other and kind of like being more respectful being more eye to eye in your relationship you know just extends not only to the to to your loved one to your to your partner to your life partner or your spouse it also extends to your children and relatives to some extent and if you you know these these levels of dependence independence and interdependence you can't jump from dependence land as i always say into interdependence land and being eye to eye with each other you first have to establish your own independence in that context but definitely you know you want to have a peaceful supporting family life and whatever stands in the way of your family life is kind of like the entry point so because I see I was coming from that differentiated perspective of like so what's your perspective talking to one partner to the VIP then talking to the other so you might not have overlapping kind of like seeing the same thing so that's why we have to establish what is your take on that what's your personal development issue here within that relationship first so we can identify that because then communication is much much easier and we don't have to make communication a topic or peace in your in your in your in your family life a topic because you just find the connection with each other and because you understand each other

much better it just becomes obsolete to some extent so the issues in families typically are based on fear of the feeling overseeing but that always kind of like drives the dynamic how much is it that you experience for yourself as one partner as one member of the family in your own backstory As I mentioned, there are many, you know, things that I kind of like believed falsely to some extent. I cannot feel, I cannot talk because of my story that I had to come over to open up and to have relationships in my life to get to that other level.

And then you just kind of like work on an upgraded level, I would say, than it was before. You know, when mom and dad are doing well, the whole family just does better. Even if one of the children is struggling, you know, it just makes it so much easier to deal with and overcome the challenges that your child is going through when mom and dad are a united front. Absolutely. I totally agree.

And so this is also because I saw it in person also in these days that my uncle, you know, become divorced from my aunt. And so and this moment when kind of like the whole family, we were on vacation and we just experienced the drama as kids. So it was kind of like really an extraordinary incident. And so that just, you know, to some extent scarred me also.

and you know you don't want to have that for you for your kids you don't want to have that experience and therefore if you can automatically i have so many feedbacks from my clients they tell me look um of course the kids if they are two three years old a little bit older they just suck in everything like a sponge and uh if you are living and interdependent on an interdependent level a caring for each other cherishing with it you know your partner with each other your kids can embrace that atmosphere much much easier than if they kind of like see you struggle and you're not talking with each other so you know we all have kind of like our scars from our parents so it's really about avoiding to scar your kids in the future that's one of the of the benefits of of working on that level. Definitely. Right. No, I absolutely love that. You have a free resource,

a free quiz that you give out maybe before you start working. Why don't you tell us about your freebie? Absolutely. Essentially it's a, it's, it's in the form of a quiz, but essentially it's an assessment to discover what's your number one hidden stress relief blocker at work and in your family life. So you can start to become a better partner for your loved ones and therefore better leader achieving success with higher standards. And just go to quiz.uvedaghorn.com. That's quiz.uvedaghorn.com.

It just forwards you to that assessment, or you go to my website, www.uvedaghorn.com, and you can find also a prompt to that assessment. And then, you know, at the end of the assessment, You're going to have a recorded video. You have also a PDF file, a report about that.

And combined with an invitation to a follow up live demonstration, really live demonstration. So not kind of like something recorded that I run monthly and where I showcase how I help my clients. So that's kind of like the pathway to go. Yeah, sometimes people give freebies away and it's just a quick PDF or it's a quick little download with some information on it.

But what I love about this quiz, what's your number one hidden stress relief blocker? I love that. Number one, you're going to take a quiz. Each you and your partner will take the quiz and it'll send you an email with the results and what the results mean.

and then also that video you were talking about that describes what the results mean right well essentially it's all about the unshakable togetherness factor and that is the hidden stress relief blocker i just gave it away but anyway so there's so many things around that if you are kind of like you know it depends because we have these uh three levels i mentioned earlier so either way you land by taking the assessment you land in the danger zone dependence or in the awakening zone independence or in the liberating zone interdependence so and that those are different levels this gives gives me insights kind of like where where you're at at your personal development within the relationship and what is kind of like the what blocks the stress relief and it ties into what I mentioned earlier definitely to go into kind of like if you or, you know, when you reach out to your spouse in a way that you don't, you know, coming back to the communication we talked earlier a little bit about, and you don't feel comfortable, you feel guilty.

So there are different levels of being in that kind of zone. And you can only overcome it when you are aware of that you can let go and let in. And it's not that you have to understand it just by I'm telling you this and then, yay, I can do that. You really have to practice it.

And this is what I help clients with essentially, but also to prepare them through that assessment on their pathway to be more conscious about where they're at, at what level in their personal development. Parents, if you are an executive and you're struggling both at work and in your relationship, you want to improve the relationship with your VIP, very important partner, and you want to really, you know, get a deeper understanding of what you and your partner need for your relationship in order to thrive, I highly recommend you reach out to Uwe. I'm going to have all of your links in the show notes. Uwe, I really appreciate our conversation. I look forward to staying connected with you and partnering with you in other ways. Thank you so much for being on the show today. Thank you. It was really a pleasure being here with you today. Thank you, Jack.

All right, parents, thanks for listening in today. And hey, real quick before we go, are you ready to become a No Problem Parent? There are three ways that you can get started. Choose the best fit for your learning style, your schedule, and your budget.

Option one for the do-it-yourself parents, purchase the Becoming a No Problem Parenting on-demand program. In just a few simple modules, I'm going to lay out for you the foundations for solving behavior issues in your family and with your kiddos. You can literally transform your child's behavior after watching just the first lesson. Binge watch the videos in just an hour and a half or complete the program lesson by lesson in four weeks. This program comes with a personalized strategy session with me and a downloadable workbook. Option two for parents who like to learn live from the comfort of your home, but with the support of other rockstar parents, you're going to want to join my eight week mastermind on your VEDA. Your VEDA, U-R-V-E-D-A,

Your VEDA is the next generation personal development platform providing live and interactive masterminds and masterclasses. And I am proud to be one of Your VEDA's partnering presenters. For just $100 a month, your Your VEDA membership gives you exclusive access to not only the No Problem Parenting Masterclass, it includes access for you and all members of your family to all of the masterminds on this learning development platform. Topics such as business, education, health and well-being, spirituality, relationships, sports, and even other parenting experts. They're all sharing their best resources. And not only do you get access for just $100 a month, you can make extra income when your friends and family join too. Be sure to reach out to me for more information on that. Option three, work with me one-on-one. There are three parent coaching packages for you to choose from, but I got to tell you parents, one-on-one coaching sessions are limited and they require a 30 minute consultation with me before you commit to coaching. I want to make sure that you're ready to shift your mindset and that your family is a good fit for no problem parent coaching. No worries. If it's not a good fit, I'll suggest resources and next steps for you and your family. So head on over to no problem parents.com to get started or to check out the no problem parenting mastermind on your VEDA's personal development

platform, go to yourveda.org. You know, parents, the most common response I get from parents that have worked with me is, we wish we would have known of you sooner, Jackie. So don't wait.

Go to noproblemparents.com and get started today.