From Loss to Legacy: A Mother’s Journey of Resilience and Hope with Erika Boike

Hey, welcome back, No Problem Parents. I am so glad you are with me here today. If you caught our last episode, number 285, you had the chance to listen to the incredible Ra Goddess. She shared her wisdom on finding your passion and calling and how you can turn it into something truly impactful that not only fulfills you, but also benefits others.

So check out episode 285. And in that same episode, we also shared the impactful work that Michelle Benyo is doing through her company, Good Grief Parenting. Michelle's mission is to support families navigating the grief of losing a child, and she's currently raising funds for Cure's search for children's cancer in memory of her son, David. There's still time to contribute to her efforts and make a difference in the fight against childhood cancer. So again, check out the show notes in episode 285. And today we're continuing that theme of making an impact with purpose from someone who's living it out in a deeply personal way. Erica Boyk is a mother who has turned her own heartbreaking experience into a mission that not only honors her son,

Charlie, but also supports her community. Her story is one of resilience, love, and the power of community. She's found a way to navigate unimaginable loss while creating a lasting legacy for her son that touches the lives of others. It's a story that reminds us all of the strength we have within us to make a difference, even in the face of adversity.

So whether you're looking to find your calling, as Ra Godis talked about, or you're seeking inspiration to turn a difficult situation into a force for good, you're in the right place. Stay tuned. Today's conversation is one you're not going to want to miss. Welcome to the No Problem Parenting Podcast.

I'm Jackie Finneman, your host and seasoned parent coach with over 30 years of experience working with kids and families. This podcast is your go-to resource for becoming the confident leader your kids crave you to be. We share practical strategies designed to empower you to handle challenges like toddler tantrums and teenage defiance with confident leadership. Go to NoProblemParents.com to learn more.

All right, parents, in today's heartfelt episode, I have the privilege of connecting with my friend, Erica Boyk, to discuss her family's journey through the profound loss of their beloved son, Charlie. Our families have stayed connected over the years through the friendship of our sons, Charlie and Andrew, who met at age seven and played hockey on the same hockey team as Squirts. Even though they attended different schools growing up, Charlie and Andrew maintained a distant yet meaningful relationship.

Charlie was a kind, thoughtful boy who was a friend to all. He had a contagious smile and he always greeted me with that smile and a hug, even in his teenage years. Charlie's mom, Erica, is a devoted wife, loving mother, and passionate advocate for resilience and community support. She lives in Minnesota with her husband, Jeff, and their two sons on Earth, while cherishing the memory of their angel son in heaven.

Erica's life is a beautiful testament to the strength of family bonds and the power of community. The Boyk family is well known in the St. Cloud hockey community. Jeff is a longtime volunteer hockey coach, having guided players from junior mites through bantams.

Erica works for the St. Cloud Norseman Junior Hockey Team as its Director of Housing and also serves as the Associate Director of Events and Catering at the College of St. Benedict. Tragically, Erica and Jeff's lives were changed forever when they lost their son Charlie in a solo car accident on very icy roads after leaving a hockey game.

This devastating loss has been an immense challenge, but Erica and her family have found meaningful ways to honor Charlie's memory and keep his spirit alive. In the wake of their loss, Jeff started the memorial fund Skate Free Charlie, which can be found at skatefreecharlie.org. The mission of the memorial fund is to carry on Charlie's legacy by focusing on local community outreach, contributing to organizations, and offering scholarships to students that reflect Charlie's values of honor, compassion, drive, heart, and courage.

The memorial site serves as a place where friends, family, and community members can connect, share stories, and support the fund's initiatives. including their passion project, the Zamboni Spirit Ride. Erica has become a beacon of resilience and hope for many, sharing her family's journey through grief and the ways they are learning to thrive despite their loss. She is dedicated to supporting other families who have experienced similar tragedies, providing guidance on navigating grief, and offering insights into long-term healing.

Through her work and the initiatives in Charlie's memory, Erica continues to inspire others with her strength, compassion, and unwavering commitment to her family and community. I am so honored to welcome you to the show today, Erica. Thank you for being here and for being willing to share your powerful story with my listeners. Jackie, thank you for allowing us this opportunity.

We're so pleased to be able to tell Charlie's story. And anytime I get a chance to talk about my kid, I'm going to take advantage of those opportunities because he was a pretty unique individual. absolutely he was and um and it's still uh for our family didn't get to see charlie as much as our kids were in different schools and youth you know they graduated from youth hockey and moved on to their high school hockey teams you know it's still surreal to us that he is not here yeah but anytime we think of charlie you just a smile comes on your face because that was charlie he didn't matter if he was having a bad day or what was going on uh he greeted you with a smile So let's start by sharing a little bit about Charlie and then the events leading up to his accident.

Yeah, Charlie, he was 17 when our life was altered. He was a junior at Tech High School here in St. Cloud. But to give you more background of who Charlie is, he was a very unique teenager.

You know, he had the ability, sometimes I would refer to him as quirky, because he just had some quirky traits to him. But he was the kind of kid who had a very old soul. He could go up to anybody and you know his first hand, Jackie. Even if he didn't know you, he would go up to you, shake your hand, look you straight in the eye and introduce himself.

Which is really kind of a rarity these days because a lot of teenagers got their heads down on their phone or they're texting their buddy that's sitting right next to them. So that was not Charlie. Charlie was a very generous person. He loved, he was an entrepreneur.

You know, he started Farmer Charlie's Produce with his grandpa and they would grow acres of produce and pumpkins and he would sell it through social media and to area farmer markets. He had a passion for animals. You know, we often refer to him as our dog whisperer because he was the only one that could teach our dogs any tricks to make our dogs worthwhile. Other than just a couch potato.

He also was very generous and giving. You know, he would always put others in front of himself. and I think that's one of the things I miss most is his kind heart that he showed with others but also that kid was so dang smart I mean this was a kid that really struggled through elementary school going into middle school and I remember when he left his elementary school he's like peace out I've been here longer than all of you teachers I'm moving on to high school and he didn't got into high school and something switched and he was inducted into the National honor society he was the kind of kid that just to give you an example he would have an a minus in a class and he would go to the teacher and ask him how he could change the a minus to an a plus i mean oh my god right right they'd be happy with the a minus but not charlie um he was very just and he was an athlete he probably he loved hockey he loved the st cloud state huskies um Um, I'm like, one of the things he liked most about being an athlete and playing hockey wasn't necessarily getting the game time, but it was the camaraderie outside of the,

in the locker room and on the bus trips. He was also the kid that if there was another teammate that lived across town, you can guarantee Charlie was going to go pick him up and make sure he got to practice at time. So he was always putting others before himself. What I remember most about Charlie is that kind, accepting, loving spirit that it didn't matter if he was an underdog in any activity or social group or whatever else.

He was going to make sure that the kid under him, the underdog under him, was accepted and felt welcome and brought in. And he just noticed people. And then I think in addition to that, that old soul that you talk about with him, being able to have conversations with adults and engage, initiate and engage in conversations. I mean, and the kid was just so smart, socially smart, just real life kind of smart beyond definitely beyond his years.

So everything that you you're mentioning about about Charlie, it just again, it brings a smile to my face and a tear to my heart because there's so much left for him to do. And his life was just cut way too short. Yeah, I know he's he was also the kind of kid that he was very direct, whether you wanted his feedback or not. He was going to give it to you and he was going to tell you the right way to do things.

And I have no doubt he's doing that up in heaven, making sure people are planting their vegetables in the right spots and planting them with enough water. And they're holding their dog on a, you know, not too long of a leash. And I know he's making sure he's making his path up in heaven, too. Absolutely.

So this is a devastating story and difficult to talk about. And I also think that too often we don't talk about the hard things because they're hard. and I'm just so grateful to you that you're willing to talk about some of these things for other parents who are feeling alone in being able to share their story or to even talk about their story for fear that it's going to make other people uncomfortable. Yeah. Right. And when we're grieving for others, it can be really hard to know what to say and what to do. We're going to talk about that in a little bit, but when you first heard or first learned about Charlie's accident, it may seem like a silly question. What were your immediate thoughts, your emotions?

yeah so the night of the accident um Jeff was home um I was actually up in Duluth which is about two and a half hours north of where we live I was up there with my son Louis we were up there for a hockey tournament and it was about 11 30 at night and I was staying in the room with my best friend and her son and we got a phone call from the front desk my friend answered the phone and they said that the local police department was there and needed to talk to me about a personal matter You know, first thought prospect is, okay, did somebody run into my car?

Something of that nature. Did my kid do something that I'm not aware of that I'm going to have to scold them for? So I got on the phone and they said they needed to come up and talk to me in person. It had to do with a personal family matter.

So when I hung up the phone, my heart instantly started pounding and I started shaking. And I looked at my friend, Jen, and I said, oh my gosh, I think there's something wrong with Jeff. I don't know what's going on. They need to come talk to me.

They want to tell me over the phone. And she's like, well, let's just see what they have to say. So they knock on the door. They pull me out into the hallway.

And they tell me that Charlie was involved in an accident and died at the seat. Jackie, it never crossed my mind that it was my child. I automatically assumed it was something with my husband. Because you don't expect to lose your children.

I think my screams probably woke up everybody in the hotel that night. when we got the head beams. And I remember calling my husband right away, just asking him, trying to find out what happened and this can't be real and what's going on. And my second reaction was I needed to get home, like right away.

I needed to get home to be there with my family, but the police were very adamant. Like you can't drive home. The roads are too icy. It's too foggy.

And of course I was in no condition to be able to drive. So out of that, as I'm grieving and just trying to deal with the cars that have been laid in front of me, I had to put that aside, though, because there I was in the room with my 14-year-old son, Louis, and he lost a brother. So I had to push those emotions down and be there for him and help him through this, too. And I remember that night, I just kind of held Louis the whole night as we were waiting for him to fall asleep.

and I remember just wanting to close my eyes and have a dream about him so I could see him so I could hear him but all that went through my head was was he scared did he struggle was he in pain and I wouldn't know those answers until I got home so I just kind of it was the longest night of my life and I remember as I was shaking in bed all night finally the crack of the light peek through the curtains and I went out to the hallway and I was like okay how am I going to get home I need to get home now I need to be with my family we need to figure out how this all happened thankfully the night before and I think Charlie had a hand in this honestly I do we had ran into some family friends that we hadn't seen in a long time and they were still in Duluth and I called them and they were still there and I told them what happened like we're coming to get you right now and they brought us home and I remember getting home and feeling because of course I was worried about Jeff I didn't know at the top what he was going through what my other son Drew was going through but I remember getting home and feeling so what so relieved to know that Jeff was not there by himself my whole entire family that lived in the cities which was an hour away from us drove up and spent the entire night with him to be there with him so we all try to maneuver and go through this news.

And I remember getting there, just hugging Jeff, trying to deal with this news. Shortly after that, our pastor came and just tried to help us through this process and understand that it wasn't anything that we did. God just needed Charlie, and it was Charlie's time to be there. So that's how we got the news and how we maneuvered that first few days.

And I remember that morning too, I didn't know this, but Charlie was, I had checked on his license to be a donor. And because he was under 17, they called us, they called my husband that Sunday morning right after the crash and asked, you know, what, they told us what they wanted to do. And I remember Jeff calling me and saying, well, what should we do? And I was like, well, find out what they want, first of all, and then let me know.

And I'm like, can't they wait? And my husband said, no, they can't because he's a donor and this has to happen right away. So he hung up the phone with me and I just knew, knowing who Charlie was, he called me back and told me what the donors want, what the donor organization want. I'm like, Jeff, that's what Charlie would have wanted.

We need to do what Charlie would have wanted us to do. This is just all so painful and shocking and you have to figure it out. There's no other way than to just figure it out. So again, a testament to the friends and family in your lives and your contributions to them.

And it's reciprocated, right? And so people just jumped in right away to come and be with you, to help you. Jeff was home alone. Your older son was off at college.

It's kind of ironic. He was in Duluth that night. There's a fun Christmas thing that he was looking at and he drove home afterwards. so he made it home and just in time to get the news if I would have known that the roads would have been so bad when he was driving home I would have been like you should have just stayed with me yeah right and they were incredibly icy that evening um Charlie was leaving a hockey game he just they just finished a hockey game he brought a friend home and he was on his way and Jeff had said hey Charlie the roads are icy be careful and he's like yeah yeah dad I got this you know? Um, I remember talking with you guys about that and there really is no evidence at the scene that anything was wrong. He wasn't speeding. There was no, there were no deer tracks. There was nothing. Um, and so somehow his car slid and rolled and, and he passed away instantly. Yep. He died on impact. Um, thankfully, ironically, our neighbors actually found him because when he was, he was about a mile from our house and he was discovered, his car was discovered in a cornfield, but it was on all four wheels and the lights were on. So it just looked like somebody went into the ditch. So when our neighbors pulled over, they saw the car. They didn't realize it was Charlie's because Charlie was driving my oldest son's car at the time.

And they got to the car and they saw somebody slunched over. And I remember Vic saying he went and felt and kind of pushed the kid back up and realized it was Charlie and Charlie at that time. I mean, and this was like minutes after it happened. Charlie didn't have a pulse that instant it was gone. So my, my fears of was he in pain? Did he suffer? I'm grateful to know he didn't. It's crazy too. At the night of the accident, everybody that was either with me or with my husband or actually with Charlie at the scene of the accident, either knew Charlie or knew of Charlie. I mean, even down to the 911 dispatcher that took the call, she knew who Charlie was. So that just gives me comfort to know that God placed all these people in this spot to be there at that time to help us through this. And I guess if it's going to happen, I'm grateful that those people were there for this, for us. In those first few days, I'm sure everything's a blur.

It's shocking. You're going through emotions that you don't even maybe know you're going through at the time. And it's just it's just all happening with the support of people and and your friends, your family, the community. Can you tell us a little bit about how you personally have from that time on continue to navigate through all the early stages of grief?

And then maybe what supports or resources that you found to be most helpful? Yeah, yeah. You know, I've learned that my family, we've all deal with grief in different ways. I've learned there's kind of three different ways that when that you deal with grief, there is those that are hand griever.

There are those that are more of the heart griever and those that are more of a head griever. For my husband, he's definitely a hands griever, meaning that he deals with grief through working through it. And that's what really started the Spirit Zamboni ride. it's been an outlet for him to see and so much joy to see all the Charlie stickers as we've quote-unquote branded Zambonis you know in the U.S. and in Europe and in Canada my kids are definitely more head grievers in which they talk about Charlie and they try to verbalize their emotions with their in their own ways and they try to pick up characteristics of Charlie that Charlie emulated. For example, they tried to, like I said, they tried to pick up characteristics of Charlie that made Charlie so special. And for me, I'm definitely more the emotional griever.

I am the talker. I am the supporter. And the talking about Charlie and doing things in honor of Charlie's definitely helped me to cope with the grief. The best way I can explain grief too, for anybody that hasn't thankfully experienced it, it's really kind of like somebody screaming as loud as they possibly can, but nobody else can hear it.

And some days that screaming isn't as loud. And other days that screaming is, you know, you get triggers and that screaming is like that first night all over again. You know, I've also learned that myself and my family will always grieve for Charlie. And it's just learning to grieve a little bit differently here without him.

As far as resources, we've been so blessed to have such a great community just kind of really wrapped their arms around us when this all happened. And that has helped immensely. And everybody deals with it differently. You know, some people may not want to be out in the public and, but for us, it's just brought comfort to be out in the community and to be able to do things in honor of Charlie. And that's kind of been our therapy. You know, my dad has always said, I think you need to talk to somebody. And I, I have a great group of people around me that always let me talk about Charlie and they're always there for me. And that's my support group.

it's different for everybody. And some people may not need to talk to somebody and some people may need to reach out to other groups that help through this. And that's okay too. Right. Some people need a one, a one-to-one person, maybe a therapist, others might need a support group of other parents who have gone through it. And like you said, in your situation, you're finding that comfort with your own friendship circle and your own family circle and giving back and keeping his legacy alive through the Zamboni Spirit Ride and the Skate Free Charlie stickers, which we're going to talk about those in a little bit as well.

What are some maybe day-to-day kinds of things in those different moments when you are reminded, triggered? Well, you're always reminded, right? Yeah. Every day I get up and I take one step forward.

Every day I know I'm one day closer to being reunited with Charlie. but the things that for example I update my phone a picture of Charlie every so often on my phone and you get triggers you know it might be like that day I was looking for a new picture of Charlie I found a video of him that he recorded for my husband and I that he gave us as a little anniversary gift and it came up on my phone and I heard his voice and his sweet message and his smile and it was a trigger it brought me back to that first day all over again so it's those things or finding a favorite sweatshirt that he used to wear um or hearing a song on the radio that he's just thinking that hearing a song that he loved that brings you right back yeah yeah and i have to turn the channel right away when those pop up but yeah you know and i'm grateful for those memories because I have them. But I know now that I won't have any new photos of Charlie. I won't have any new videos of Charlie, but I will have new memories of Charlie in honor of Charlie. So those are the things that I move forward with now. And this process really tests your faith. You know, at first I was so angry at God because I wondered what did I do?

how did I make him so mad that he had to take my son away? But now I've learned that God only takes those that they need to shelter them from evil, right? And that they don't have to be on this earth to deal with evil per se. Now I really lean into my faith because that's what I have that keeps me connected to Charlie and Charlie in true Charlie form. He's always been very good about sending me signs to know that he's okay. I mean, he sends me, he wrote mom in the clouds on Christmas night shortly after he passed. He literally did. And I had somebody else kind of like serving as my Holy Spirit to show me what Charlie did. You know, he sent me, I see angel wings all the time in the sky with him. And now I find pennies and I find pennies in the most craziest spots and they're always heads up. So I know he's just telling me, mom, just keep your head up, keep your head up. And so that's what we have to do. I mean, I could certainly go in a corner and cry, but he wouldn't want me to do that. And we still have a life here to live. We have two other kids that need us here that we need to be here for. So we need to just keep pushing through this as a family and doing things in honor of Charlie and giving back to the community that's been so kind to us. Your resilience. And a lot of people say strength, which I definitely do believe there is strength. It is strength, but it's not just about being strong. Yeah. You know,

I think if you look in the dictionary, resilience is defined as the ability to get through difficult times and losing someone, especially a child, really tests your faith. Like I said, he's just been so good at helping us get through this difficult time with his signs. But I know that I'm learning how to move through the resilience every day, a little bit more and more because of him and in his honor. So this is my new normal. And I know I'll be seeing him someday with that big contagious smile that he has and those big bear hugs that he would give me all the time.

And I think my kids too are learning how to be more resilient. And especially my son, Louis, you know, he's kind of the epitome of that definition, you know, getting through the difficult times. And he's been so good about, yeah, it sucks that Charlie's gone, but look at all the good things we've been able to do because of Charlie. And he's right. You know, he's 100% right. And Drew, I think is the same. He's learning to maneuver through learning how to be more resilient as well. You just pushing through that difficult time and keep moving forward and remembering the good times and the fun things that he did with his brother. And Louie, Louie and Charlie, they would have been on the same hockey team. They would have had that opportunity to play together. And so I would imagine that it could have been just really hard for Louie to even want to take the next steps forward and to even persevere. And I've seen your posts. I've heard the things that Lewis is doing. And I just admire him. And I'm just enamored with all that he's done. So yeah, even the night of the accident, he wanted to stay, he wanted to stay and play for his brother the next day. He wanted to just be there so much than just to have like this dedication game for Charlie. And as much as I would have loved to have done that, like, dude, we we got to get home. Now for him, you know, as I said, Charlie was 17 when he passed away, but he was

also number 17 for hockey so Louis now in honor of his brother every sport that he plays and he plays football lacrosse and hockey he's 17 for every sport so that's Louis's way to be able to honor his brother um and nobody will dare to try to take 17 away from him um but what's also been amazing too is even though my son probably was just a hockey athlete you know his lacrosse louie's lacrosse team on their football team they all have skate free charlie stickers on their helmets and they're more than willing to just do things in honor of charlie even today so we're very grateful and louie is like i said he's pretty wise for only being 16 now but he's very i can't change it i'm just gonna keep doing it i'm gonna emulate things that charlie used to do kind of a funny little story every time I would call Charlie I would always be like hey and Charlie would always go straw so Louie I would call Louis and I go hello and he goes straw I'm like no you didn't do it right he's like dang it so it took him some time but now he's got a down pat so yeah they just do things and and I think for Drew too Drew didn't live at home when Charlie passed so I think he's a little remorseful because he didn't get to spend as much time with Charlie as they were getting older and as they were more compatible, if you will, and not like the oil and water that would not mix together at all. And I think he cherishes now those times that they

did things that they love, the fishing and the hunting. And so it brings true comfort to still be able to do those things. For example, Charlie was starting to pester us for a dog and he wanted a silver lab. So a few months after Charlie passed away, I got a new dog and he got a silver lab.

And he got us over lab because of Charlie. So that's his way. And he's training him, training his dog to be the best hunting dog she can possibly be. And he's like, mom, Charlie keeps giving me Charlie power to make Oakley be this great hunting dog.

So that's his way of remembering Charlie too. It's just also sweet. And your family is like, I don't even know how you guys get all the things done and in much less have day jobs. And your family is super involved and super active.

and and I want to talk a little bit about that that community piece too you found so much support in the community there are things that people just naturally knew how to do and jumped right in and did were that was there anything that you found maybe more helpful than that or are there any tips or advice you can give people who have friends that are going through loss that you you could say hey this is I mean there's no one right way right but there are some things that are more helpful than not yeah you know for my family you know we're all on this journey together and by the grace of God especially in the beginning it seemed that you know we talk about supporting it seemed like when I was having a bad day Jeff was having a good day and vice versa and same for our kids so I don't know if that was divine intervention to know that we're going to need each other to lift each other up during this time and still to this day we've also learned that it's still okay to cry because of a memory or a song that we hear or a piece of fully and that takes us back to that night um you know we do things you know to support each other in celebration of charlie too so we'll have like his favorite meal on maybe the anniversary of the day that we lost him or we'll on his 18th birthday this past october we went had a birthday party for him at our church and we had probably over 100 people there coming to support us and we did a

big balloon release of 200 balloons at sunset and it was just the most beautiful thing and in true Charlie fashion he let Lewis's balloon just kind of scatter float right across the parking lot as low as it could possibly be until it took off so I think Charlie was throwing a sense of humor in even for that but as far as the community too I think I don't know if this is going to sound weird, but when we lost Charlie, we didn't absorb any medical costs, right? And this community rallied around us and raised a ton of money for our family.

And because of that, we were like, you know what? We're going to give this money back. So we partnered with an organization called Central Minnesota Community Giving. They're managing that money for us because that's not money that we feel we are going to need because we didn't have any extra medical expenses or anything like that. So we're using that money to give back to the community with the things that Charlie loved. And so this community has really been, again, they're a big reason why we're out there and why we're doing okay. But also at the same time, You know, it's, you know, it was people bringing food.

And even after, even now, it's the small things that mean support for us as well. You know, where the crash site is right by our house, we had a complete stranger come over and the grass was getting tall and they mowed the grass down because he's like, people need to see this memorial site for Charlie. They need to see it. I mean, just those little gestures mean so much to a family that has had a tragic loss.

And it's just companies that have come to us that we don't know who they are and wanting to partner with us and help us raise money for Charlie and to be able to give that money back. And it's just, it's overwhelming, honestly. And I used to always joke because my involvement with the Norsemen, Charlie would always say, I love that you do that because I feel like people know us. And I'm like, dude, we just do it because we love hockey and we want to give back. And I know that he was probably pointing his finger down at me because he always had to have the last word, pointing his finger down at me and saying, ha, I told you so. But my father-in-law said it best too. He's like, when was the last time you heard of a young man living in a small town,

unfortunately gets in an accident, dies in that accident. And it's on every major news channel. And he's right. It was. And I don't know what it was about Charlie, but he just, the community lost a good kid, not just us, but this community lost a good kid with him because who knows what that kid was going to do, but he was destined for amazing things. He absolutely was. And I know he had a goal of getting to like every hockey arena. Yes. Yeah. In the States, I think it was right.

I don't know if he intended to go global, but maybe he did knowing Charlie, he would have loved to go global. So yeah, that was on his bucket list to get to as many States as he could to watch a hockey game. And that's, you know, that's where the joke kind of started with my husband. It turned into grabbing a few buddies and getting in a car and going to put a sticker on a Zamboni around us to this global thing that has turned into. I think we've sent out probably close to 2000 Skate Pre-Charlie stickers. And Charlie, we have on our website, we have a map. It needs to be updated. We just haven't had time to do it. But we have a pin of where every spot that Charlie is, and he's in Canada. He's on an ice creamer in New Zealand. He's in Europe. He's in South America.

He's in Brazil. I mean, he's all over the place. So it's been fun to see that skate-free Zamboni spirit ride take off. We have a little video on our website, and it's a song from the Gear Daddies called I Want to Drive Zamboni.

And my husband was able to connect with the Gear Daddies to make sure they were okay with us using that song. And they were like, absolutely. so that just shows testaments again to the community that has really just wrapped their arms around us and embraced us and Charlie would be so proud of his effect that he's had on all these people and all of these organizations yeah so let's talk about that a little bit for the listeners that don't know yet and we're going to have links in the show notes so everyone can learn more information but tell us about the Memorial Fund about Skate Free Charlie and the Zamboni Spirit Ride So describe what that is for the listener.

Yeah. So little did we know, obviously, the impact that this was going to have and how this was going to turn into such a big thing for us. You know, if I could give up my full-time job and just focus on Charlie stuff, I would be busy 24-7. And that's ultimately what I hope to do someday.

But the skatethroughcharlie.org website is really just a way for people to connect with us and to see the tributes that people have made for Charlie. The events that we do in honor of Charlie, you know, for example, Charlie was big into animals, like I said earlier, so we partnered with the Tri-County Humane Society and we had a doxy dash. So we had wiener dogs racing across the ice at a Norseman game and people had the opportunity to bet on the dogs. You know, we raised that money for the Tri-County Humane Society and brought in toys for the Humane society. So it was a chance for us to really embrace Charlie's love for animals. It's also a way for people to see two of the other things that we do. We've started a Charlie Boyk Spirit Award, and that's for his hockey teammates. And it's voted on by the coaches. And it's based on who Charlie was as a player. You know, he was maybe he was 110% coachable. He was the kid that would fill the water bottles without being asked. He was the kid that would drive across town and pick this teammate. He was involved in the community. So that award is based on Charlie's characteristics and it gets awarded to a junior in high school because that's what Charlie was.

You know, we've also partnered with a couple entities in the community to help pay for tickets for that night when we give away that award at the hockey game so that people can, we can fill the Mac with as many people as we can to see who that recipient is. Also on that website too, you're going to see that we started two scholarships for the area High School's here in honor of Charlie, and it's the Charlie Boyk Scholarship Award, and it's based on who Charlie was as a student and his involvement in the community. We give it to the high schools.

We let the high schools pick those recipients because that's just too much of a task for my husband and I to tackle, and we present them towards the end of the school year. So on that website, you're going to see all those things that we do. You're going to see that Charlie was a owner. He donated his corneas. We're always getting letters from the Donation Society and Lion's Eye Bank on his donations. And even to this day, he still has the ability, Jackie, to help 170 more people. And he passed away a year and a half ago. So yeah, it's crazy. And he's helped people from all over the country with skin grafts or he donated his tibias and just using the bone marrow. And it's amazing that he still has that ability, even though he's gone a year and a half later to help others that have a need. So you'll see that on the website.

It brings such joy as a mother to be out in the community and to see people with escape free Charlie gear on, you know, and they don't know who I am and they may not even know why they got that, but it brings such joy to see that in our community. It just brings a smile to my face. So you'll see that on there. And these are all just ways that we're raising money to give back into the community. We're working right now on an opportunity with a place that Charlie used to work out at called Omni Fitness Training and Fitness Center. And we're going to be building a sports court for the community. And that's going to be a pickleball court in addition to a wall ball. So kids that play lacrosse have a place to shoot a wall ball.

and then of course the hockey target area so we're partnering with them to build that space we have it in the works of what we're going to name it but we don't want to release that yet but it will be tied into charlie so that website's really going to show all of that and it's also going to show how people can get a skate free charlie sticker to brand their zambonis in the area all that we ask is that people send us a request for a sticker we'll mail it out to you And our one caveat is you have to send us a picture back of the Zamboni with it on it so we can ping it on our mail.

So that website will really show all of that. It'll show if those are interested in donating to Charlie's Memorial Fund. You know, it'll show ways to do that as well. And, of course, the photos and tributes of Charlie are on there, too.

So you can really get a feel for who Charlie was on that website. All of this is just so filled with hope. Charlie's legacy is going to live on. He is helping so many other people.

you know, Charlie had a voice. He found his voice. He shared his voice. Like you said, he was not afraid to share his voice. Not everyone is that confident. And, um, and he just had a heart for people to like bring them in and help them be confident in themselves as well. And so I just love everything that skatefreecharlie.org is doing. I really love that. Um, how you started this episode out today, talking about people grieve differently with their hands, with their head or with their heart. I've not heard that before. Usually we hear about the stages of grief.

When Charlie passed, we had the unfortunateness of meeting a lot of other families that lost their child. They were about the same age as Charlie. They were hockey players. And my first thought was, you know, God's making an all-star hockey team up there. What is going on? And it's a club that nobody wants to be a part of, right? And for me, I've made it my personal mission.

And these people that we've met, but not necessarily in Minnesota, we have now friends that live on the East Coast that we have this bond with. But I'm making it my mission to, I got a bracelet shortly after Charlie passed away, and on it has a charm that says brave. And what I've done is I'm making it my mission to send brave bracelets out to these mothers to remind them that it takes a brave person to be able to get up every morning without their child.

And that brace that just serves as a reminder that even though you don't feel that way, we are brave because we have to walk this walk without them. And, you know, it's my goal is at some point to start some sort of organization that can be a resource for families across the country where we can network with each other to help us through this grief. So that'll be added to my very long to-do list of things for Charlie.

well I appreciate that so much Erica the last question I'm going to ask you then is your message is about learning to thrive after such a profound loss and so talking about thriving after loss what are maybe some new perspectives or some new lessons or things that you've gained through this experience that you'd like to share with other families yeah you know I think um learning to thrive through this process is it's something new right because we all want to thrive and be successful. But I think when this happened, you know, my best friend that I was with, she took me to this place that we visited and because we're both on this journey and she asked me, I just want to go to this place with you and learn how to be a better friend to you through this. And the fact that she was willing to do that for me is amazing. But as I told her,

there is no game plan for how we deal with this. You know, we're just writing a new page every day that I get up. We're just learning to continue to move forward. And like I said earlier, sometimes the screaming isn't as loud and sometimes there are triggers and when those memories pop up. But again, I'm so grateful for those memories. And I know now that moving forward, I'm thriving with new life of new memories in honor of Charlie.

And that's what I have to get me through this until I see him again. And I know I'll see him again, like I said earlier. And it's just, we have to just keep pushing through. You know, I hope sometimes people say I just, they may avoid us because maybe they don't know what to say.

And I think, don't do that. You know, tell stories about Charlie because I know Charlie is my son, but I don't know the Charlie that was a Charlie in school. I don't know the Charlie that was a Charlie on the face. So those stories of Charlie in different aspects of who he was bring us such joy. And for a parent who has lost a child, you know, if I can tell others, please just keep talking about their kids and don't be afraid that you're going to upset them because talking about a child from a parent who's lost them brings them such joy and they don't need to be afraid to do that because it's really it's powerful it's a powerful healing process for us and it just gives us gives us comfort to know that they left an impact on others too and it's great to hear those stories and you know it also I think it it overcomes the overstepping the boundaries and the uncomfortableness when they're just willing to talk to us and willing to share stories and not be afraid to approach us. Cause at the end of the day, we're here, we're living and that's what we have to continue to do. So embrace that with us and help us make these connections even stronger.

I appreciate that. Yeah. I think sometimes people feel like they don't want to make, they don't want to make you sad and it's like, um, Hey, uh, hello, I'm gonna, I'm already sad. It can't make me sad.

Yeah. Already sad. Yeah. On any given day and saying their name, say their name, keep their name.

You know, like it's, it's so comforting to know that people aren't afraid to say their name and to keep them alive and not worry. Yep. You might cry and you might laugh and you might, who knows on any given day, but to lean into that and not, not shy away from it. I've learned too, as a mother, the fact I think I've made the ultimate sacrifice because I know that Charlie will never have to know the pain of losing a loved one.

And to me, if I can take that pain away from him, that's what I have to do. I will live with that. But I know that he will never have to feel that pain. Erica, that's beautiful.

Thank you. I encourage moms to reach out. Your contact information, again, is at skateprecharlie.org.

but we're also going to put a link in the show notes for people to connect with you on LinkedIn. You also have big plans to spread the word and to reach more people, Erica. So tell us about your next upcoming venture. I do. I think Charlie is really giving me guidance and direction to want to be a resource for others. And I'm hoping my new big girl job, if you will, is to be able to get on stage and to share my story. If I can maneuver through this loss, I want to be a resource for others to learn that they too can keep moving forward. So I'm hoping to take my act to the big stage, if you will, and be a motivation for others to inspire them and to help them through challenging times and to learn to be resilient and to learn to keep thriving.

Erica, I cannot thank you enough so much. I wish I could hug you through the screen right now. I appreciate you I appreciate your family and all that you're doing to support other families through loss so thanks again so much for being with me today oh Jackie it's been a pleasure and you know if anything I've learned of this I'm on this new journey and my new journey is to be able to be there for others that are going through this tragedy and it's we're all on this journey at the same time we're just at different impasse down the road if you will so I'm happy to share this time with you and tell our story and get a chance to talk about our pretty amazing kid All right, listeners, so be sure to head over to skatefreecharlie.org. You can donate to Charlie's Fund to help the Boyk family efforts continue. Learn how to get a sticker for the Zamboni at your local ice rink. Charlie stood for honor, compassion, drive, heart, and courage.

And throughout his short-lived life with us, Charlie had a passion for his family, his friends, his teammates, for hockey, for animals, and farming. The Charlie Boyk Memorial Fund helps continue support and encourage others to carry on Charlie's legacy by focusing on local community outreach and contributing to local organizations that share the same values and passions. Charlie is irreplaceable. Carrying on what he left behind provides comfort in knowing that he will live on in our hearts forever. All right, that's it for today's episode of the No Problem Parenting podcast. Hey, thanks guys for tuning in. If you found value in today's episode, click the subscribe button and share it with other parents who might need a little boost. Stay connected on our socials by following at no problem parents for more parenting tips and get your free download of the 60 ways to respond to your kids without losing your cool. Go to no problem parents.com until next time. Remember your confidence comes from embracing both successes and setbacks. So take a deep breath, embrace the chaos, and remember, you got this.