Finding Your True Calling with Rha Goddess: Balancing Passions and Parenting

Hey there, No Problem Parents. Before we get into today's episode, I want to share something that's really close to our hearts here at No Problem Parenting. You might remember Michelle Benyo from episode 47, where we talked about the difficult journey of early childhood sibling loss. Michelle is also an author in our first book, No Problem Parenting, Raising Your Kiddos with More Confidence and Less Fear. Now, after losing her six-year-old son, David, to cancer, Michelle's three-year-old daughter said something that deeply resonated.

She said, Mommy, half of me is gone. This powerful moment set Michelle on a mission to help other families navigate the unimaginable grief of losing a child. Through her organization, Good Grief Parenting, Michelle offers essential support to parents and siblings, helping them find a path forward even in the darkest of times. And right now, Michelle is raising funds in David's memory through Cure Search for Children's Cancer, an organization making huge strides in pediatric cancer research.

Their work is truly transformative. 60% of their research projects advance to clinical trials, which is a significant leap compared to the national average of less than 8%. Michelle is participating in the Cure Search Ultimate Hike, where she'll be hiking up to 30 miles in a single day to raise money for this crucial cause. And if you'd like to support Michelle and contribute to this life-saving research, you can donate now through October 2024 by visiting CureSearch Ultimate Hike.

There's a link in the show notes that will go directly to Michelle's donation page. And if you're listening after the October 2024 date, you can still support this cause by visiting curesearch.org. Again, link in the show notes.

Now, also, if you're in need of support for your grieving child, whether it's due to sibling loss, the grief of a divorce, or any other kind of child loss, Michelle is here to help. You can reach out to her directly at goodgriefparenting.com to get the support you need. And this theme of resilience and finding your way through tough times ties perfectly into today's guest episode.

We're joined by the incredible Ra Goddess. She's an entrepreneurial soul coach who has guided countless changemakers to discover their true calling. Ra's message is all about balancing your passions with your responsibilities, a concept that resonates deeply with us here at No Problem Parenting. When you take the time to find your true calling and pour into yourself, you're not just enriching your own life, you're becoming the confident leader your kids crave you to be.

It's so important to remember that when we take care of our own needs, we're also taking care of our kids. By showing up for ourselves, we model resilience, self-awareness, and strength, which in turn helps our kiddos to develop those same qualities. So welcome to the No Problem Parenting podcast. From toddler tantrums to teenage eye rolls, this podcast is your go-to for both fresh and timeless tips that help you become the confident leader your kids crave you to be. Do you ever wish there was a manual that came with each of your kids? Let's face it, what works for one kiddo often doesn't work for the other, and we don't know what we don't know. And even if there was a manual, it probably wouldn't be able to keep up with all the changes in our world. Well, this podcast is the next best thing. I'm your host,

Jackie Finnaman, a 30-year counselor turned parenting coach, and I've got tons of information to share, including hundreds of resources that you can access right from your home and strategies that are going to boost your confidence and energize you. Whether you're knee-deep in diapers, navigating the tween years, or launching your kiddo into adulthood, hit that subscribe button, share this podcast with your friends, teachers, and daycare providers.

We're here to turn your parenting problems into no problem, one episode at a time. All right, so let me introduce Ra to you all today. Ra Gattis is the entrepreneurial soul coach behind hundreds of breakthrough change makers, cultural visionaries, and social entrepreneurs. Ra's mission is to revolutionize the way that we live, work, play, and do business.

In 2011, she founded Move the Crowd, an entrepreneurial training company dedicated to supporting creative and cultural entrepreneurs working at the intersection of values, profitability, and social impact. Ra's here to share practical strategies for balancing your passions with your parental duties, offering expertise in finding your true calling. Her mission aligns perfectly with our mission to empower parents to navigate modern parenthood with confidence. Ra's insights on self-awareness and resilience are sure to resonate with those of you seeking fulfillment while raising your kiddos. Remember, when we take care of our own needs, we're better equipped to take care of our kids, and that's a message we can all stand behind.

I am super excited to have you here with us today, Ra. Welcome to the show. Thank you so much, Jackie, for having me. It's such a joy to be here.

You know, one of the things that we talked about, like from almost moment one of connecting was how important it is for us to pour into ourselves. And I think as a parent, that's probably one of the greatest challenges, right? Because you love your little ones, right? You would die for them.

Like we know that even and you want to kill them. Sometimes we know that both are true. Right. But this idea of our making sure that our cup is full is both the greatest challenge, but it's also the greatest opportunity and reward and the greatest gift you can really give your little ones.

And so, you know, this commitment to pouring into yourself, this commitment, which includes not only taking care of your health and well-being, a central part of that is feeling a sense of mission and purpose in the day-to-day. You know, and I talk, Jackie, often about the big P and the little p, you know, because sometimes with the big P, people are like, well, I don't know what my life's purpose is. You know, I've been searching everywhere for it and I have no idea.

It's not in my sock drawer. It's not in the hamper. I have no idea where it is, right? But, you know, we can still begin by being purposeful and intentional about how we're spending our time and our energy.

And I think for parents, and so much of our world is in reaction to. Something happens, we're responding. Something happens, we're responding. Something happens, we're responding.

So our nervous systems never get the chance to really breathe. and my intention in creating the book was to acknowledge that at the foundation we have to start to feed our souls first and create greater capacity which then enables us to be more available to react and respond to the challenges right in ways that actually we feel proud of and we feel good about absolutely 100 agree and i think even as a parent as a mom if your mission and your passion was to become a mom, they're still in that making sure that you are feeding yourself at really a soul level, that you're really feeling good about yourself. If you're just kind of going through the motions and you're working and you're parenting and you're, you know,

managing the household and doing all the things, what are some things that parents can do to just really kind of take a step back and say, hey, what am I called to do? Yeah, I think that first piece is to take a step back and carving some time, which we both know is so challenging to do when you're a parent. You know, but I like to say to my mom, this in particular, like if you get five minutes in the bathroom, we just lock the door and pretend you're not there for you can sneak in that morning walk.

You know, maybe it's after you drop them at school and you can get that moment in, you know, and maybe it's just you're walking around the park before you walk into your office building. right? Between dropping the kids off and starting work, like whatever you can grab, it's so important that you start to find and carve space, five minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes. And it really is in those spaces where you can slow down a little bit and you can really kind of start to breathe a little bit and start to regulate a little bit that you can then begin to sort of explore those questions, those ideas.

I find sometimes that for parents, the idea of what you want to do comes from what we experience. It comes from the challenges of our lives. It comes from the most amazing experiences of our lives. Those places or those ways in which we feel called to support other people, maybe in getting through what we've been through, right?

And sometimes it comes from a challenge we've personally faced in terms of our health or our wellbeing. And so it's also about listening to those cues and then creating the space to really be able to write and engage those ideas. And so I often give parents a journaling prompt, like what wants to happen today? Question mark, you know, right?

Just a little different than your to-do list. Sometimes what shows up is pick up the laundry. But sometimes what shows up, what happens today is I want you to take a walk on the beach or I want you to find 10 minutes in the park. or I want you to take this course.

I want you to watch this video. I want you to check out this documentary, right? And a lot of times those are things that can drive us to or point us to other inspirations that show up. The other thing I'll say is that there are things that we are passionate about.

And sometimes it's just having space to even feed what we're passionate about, right? So I'll give you an example. I have a parent who watercolors and she has a little kit. And even if it's just 10 minutes a day, she may not finish whatever she's working on, but if it's just 10 minutes a day where she can get in her watercoloring, that supports and creates different ideas.

And she's able to problem solve. She's able to also feed her passion in terms of thinking about like, in what ways does she want to now move her contribution into the world? Who are the people she most wants to serve? And so those ideations that come sometimes when we're doing other things, the laundry or driving or walking to work, right?

Our ability to capture them, our ability to nurture them, our ability to follow those threads are all the beginnings of being able to really lock into those areas of passion and desire. The beginning of the book, you really help people kind of take that pause, whether they're looking for their next work venture or purpose or focusing on their family, themselves and their family. The way you lay out the book is you have some education content in there and then you have practices and then you have exercises.

So this isn't one of those books. I mean, you can read it right through. But I mean, it took me several weeks because I wanted to be really intentional. I quickly learned that, wait a minute, wait a minute, the practices and the exercises and the questions and things that you have in here are very purposeful and help me slow down just even thinking about your own beliefs.

And I think oftentimes we don't really think about that. No. And our beliefs govern everything. And sometimes we are really clear about what we believe, Jackie, to your point.

And then sometimes we're not as clear about what we believe. But we're making decisions and choices and taking actions based upon what we believe. And so it's really important. And if I think about why this conversation becomes so important for parents as well is because if what has been modeled for you is self-sacrifice, if what's been modeled for you is putting everybody else first, if what's been modeled for you is that what you're are passionate about as a luxury that maybe you can or cannot afford, it's going to feel really hard being able to take that time and create that space. And so the mindset wheel is an opportunity to sort of get really connected to what it is that we believe. And as Jackie knows, in the book,

I asked you lots of questions about what you believe, because I think it's important that we start there because our ability to change and transform the quality of our day-to-day really does begin with what we think is possible or not possible in our day-to-day. And so our awareness and raising our awareness and beginning to become more in touch with what we believe then gives us access to sort of going like, oh, I see that that thought is coming up now and I'm telling myself I don't have time. So ultimately I'm creating a reality call. I don't have time. And then I'm feeling deprived and then I'm feeling resentful because I'm deprived.

And you all have to say, this is not just a parent experience. I mean, this is a human experience, right? Because all of us have our own version of whatever the story is that we create about our time and the degree to which we feel like we're at the mercy of our demands, our day-to-day demands. And so carving that time, carving that space is important.

And then noticing, am I saying something to myself that's making it almost impossible to carve that time and that space, right? And the opportunity to maybe challenge ourselves, like where can I find those pockets, even if they're just two or three minutes. Two or three minutes can make a huge difference. Two or three minutes did make a huge difference, even just in the morning, instead of thinking, looking at the calendar and going, oh my gosh, how am I going to get it all done? To shifting those words to, I have more than enough time to get this all done. Yeah. You know, and it's like, it seems simple, right? It seems like a no-brainer and yet it's not. I mean, it takes effort and intention. And again, you have it laid out so that you can do these exercises. One of my favorite things to start with was doing one activity a day that makes me feel really good about myself. Each and every day I'm doing one activity. Now this doesn't have to take, I mean, it could be a simple stretch. It could just be taking a pause. It could be doing a sprint up and down my driveway, looking ridiculous in front of the passersby, but just doing it because it energizes me and makes, I mean, you know, just one thing or looking in the mirror, noticing or saying out loud the beliefs about myself.

Yeah. Just acknowledging myself in that way. So this doesn't have to be rocket science. No.

And I think this, you know, I want to sort of even take it to the rituals and habits you may already have. So I'll give a perfect example. So my husband, every morning, he has a cup of cold brew coffee and just looks out like of the window, right? And he just stares out of the window and he drinks his coffee. And that might be, you guys, five minutes, but it has transformed his reality, you know, because it's kind of come from bolting out a bit, you know, maybe your devices are going off or ringing your, before you even get to the bathroom, you're already in your text, anybody, right? You're already in your apps, you're already responding to things that you haven't even seen yet, or you're trying to read an email and on the toilet, you know, all those things. And so this opportunity to sort of just make a decision, like, I'm going to just take three to five minutes in the morning,

and I'm going to do one thing that sets me up for a really exciting and powerful day. Right? Maybe you listen to a song, you just dance in the bathroom, and you enjoy the song while taking a shower, right? And again, it's those little things, but the more you start to begin to create this belief that you have space or you can make space, the more those ideas begin to come to you. And your opportunity is once those ideas start to come is to nurture them, right? Whether you're journaling about them, or maybe you're having a really exciting or inspiring conversation about them. But every passion path that any person has said yes to and walked down has always begun with the nurturing and the honoring and the cultivating of the idea.

So good. And again, having you on the show and introducing your book to parents and my listeners today is super important to me because one value that I have or belief that I hold is that we need to become that confident leader our kids crave us to be. And that really starts with noticing our own internal messaging and what we're saying to ourselves. We're harder on ourselves than anybody, right? Noticing that, shifting that thought. And no problem parenting is all about turning problems into a no problem. And any problem, I believe, any problem can be turned into a no problem. It just depends on what kind of energy we're giving to it and feeding it.

And so if all we feel like we're dealing with in our current state is problem after problem after problem, it's much like you say, well, you're going to keep getting problem after problem after problem. And so I really like this idea of what you focus on or what you give the most attention to is going to become sort of the biggest thing in your life. And again, while it may sound simple, shifting your focus from problems and always dealing and putting out fires and dealing with the problems to acknowledging, noticing yourself, where you're at, even your kids, is really a game changer.

Yeah, 100%. And I talk a little bit about this in the book, whether you look at it from a scientific perspective, whether you look at it from a spiritual perspective, whatever we give our energy and our attention to does grow. It grows in our mind and then it grows in our reality. And so it's a practice.

And this is, again, where the taking space, giving room, giving yourself a moment to pause, taking a breath and practicing that becomes so important because if you sort of give yourself or you build the habit of taking the breath or taking the beat, then that is where you have the space to go, I can redefine this. I can reposition this. I can reframe this. I can rename this, right? And that is probably the greatest contribution to starting to create a reality and a day-to-day experience where more becomes possible, right?

Yeah, I love this. You mentioned, you know, looking at your calendar and go, I have all the time I need to get done what I need to get done today, right? I even want to give you another one in that. I will get done what is most important to get done.

I remember reading that, yes. Right? I will get done what really matters, right? And I can trust that the rest of it will organize and orchestrate itself.

And so there's also this idea that when we're in a co-creative experience and when we sort of believe that we can be in a co-creative experience, that other supports can come into play, that everything doesn't have to be on our shoulders, which I know sometimes can be hard for a lot of us to believe. Like it's always, I'm the one that has to do it all. And you're exhausted before you even get out the door, right? If we're holding that mentality and we're sort of bombarding our senses with all the things we need to get done.

And so this idea of how do you start to engage with yourself and talk to yourself in a way that creates more room and more space and more capacity and more support to be able to get done the things that are most important to get done. And then the trusting that the things that are, you know, important but not critical or not life-threatening, they will get done, you know, as they need to get done. and that everything is not life-threatening.

Oh, right. Not everything's an emergency. Yeah. Tell us a little bit about Move the Crowd.

Share with the listeners a little bit about how they can join Move the Crowd. So I created Move the Crowd, which we are a coaching and mentoring and training company that supports helping people learn how to stay true, get paid, and do good. And so at the heart of our work is really about helping people, one, become their most authentic selves, but two, in service to their highest contribution and the difference that they want to make in the world.

And so what we have found and discovered as we've talked to thousands and served this point and hundreds of thousands of people through the course of our work over the last 12 years is that people, there's sort of three things that people really, really want, especially as we think about this way in which I think we're now redefining success and in this moment of redefining success, one, we want to be authentic. We want to be who we really are.

So it's not enough for us to just succeed anymore. We want to succeed as ourselves, right? And there's a sort of whole self commitment that I think people are really stepping into, especially given everything that we've been through over the last five years. The second piece is the get paid part.

We want to be well compensated. We want to show up. We want to be able to do what we do. We want to do it well, but we want to also feel like we can do that in a way that's really sustainable for us, right?

and profitable for us so that we have the resources that we need to be able to live and move and express in ways that feel really, really good. And then the third thing is that we want to do good. And this is a big one in that, Jackie, I think most people underestimate that. This commitment to raising a little human is probably one of the greatest contributions you can make to the world.

And it matters, right? And all of us want to matter. But what I also know is for many of our parents, and this is something also we don't talk a lot about, but it may not be all that you're here to do. There may be another mission.

There may be another purpose. There may be another calling that you're being called to and that it matters to be able to do that. Like it matters to us. Contribution is a human need.

We need to give. And we need to feel that we're giving in a way that matters. And so our company is devoted to helping people stay true, get paid, do good, because we understand that right now that is what people want to do most. So we develop strategies and programs and coaching and mentoring courses to be able to help people do that.

And that's what we do. So much information on your website, movethecrowd.me. And then you do also have events that you offer a couple of times a year.

So the Taking Stock event is one of our most popular and beloved events in terms of the Move the Crowd community. And it's important to say, too, in the context of our work, we work with entrepreneurs, we work with organizational leaders, we work with nonprofit leaders, we work with people who are in all stages of growth and development who are wanting to, again, just make their greatest contribution as themselves. But these community gathers right across all of those disciplines.

we come together a few times a year and taking stock is all about being able to pause and reflect. We've been talking so much today about the power and the importance of it, whether you do it in the minute, in a moment, and you take that moment or whether you have the opportunity to have a journaling practice or a meditation practice or some kind of stillness practice, time in nature. But the intention is to recognize that when we have the ability to actually reflect, it supports and increases our capacity to be able to move forward and be more effective. And so at the top of the year, we set big goals. We do it through our New Year's message and we come together and we set a theme for the year. And then over the course of the year, we have these checkpoint moments. And so in the context of taking stock, there are four core areas that we take people through. The first is gratitude, because we believe that you have to begin by really acknowledging what are all of the things that are going well, right?

Or where are all of the places where you were able to get support or where you have been able to do the things that you've wanted to do, right? And so we feel that that's important. And then we go to a place of acknowledgement and we look at acknowledgement from two perspectives. We look at acknowledgement from like, where are you crushing it?

And what was really important in being able to support your ability to show up and deliver in the way that you're delivering? And then we look at where are those places where we feel like we're being challenged, right? Or we may be falling short of what it is that we want to accomplish and achieve. And when we're thinking about the goals that we've set for the year, or we're thinking about the things that we want to accomplish and achieve, it's important to look at those places where we feel challenged to understand what may be missing and what that may be crucial to being able to support our success. So this is where we get to sort of explore what additional support or resources might be critical for us.

The third area we look at is completion. And this is all about the promises that we've made, the promises we've made to ourselves, the promises we've made to others. And this is like, okay, where do we need to circle back and complete something, dot the I's, cross the T's, versus in terms of our projects to where do we need to communicate? Maybe where we haven't been communicating or needed to communicate or taking something off of our plate.

Like I know I said I was going to do that, but I'm really not going to do that. And just acknowledge it, right? Just acknowledge it. Like, I know I signed up for this magazine.

I'm really not going to read it. Let me cancel this discussion, right? It's all of this is what I call the sort of the stress reliever side of it. But like you get to actually make a list of like, okay, what are the things that I need to address?

Or what are the conversations I need to have? Sometimes it's just getting complete with you and you about, you know, maybe there's something that you said you wanted to do and you didn't get to it and you're beating yourself up about it. So we get in there and we create a space where you get to kind of clean all that up. and then finally celebrate and celebration is really really important and it's important even as a daily practice that we take a moment to just acknowledge like man today was a rough day but i held it together right in that meeting or i really rocked that presentation or you know my little one came to me with a problem and i was able to really be present you know and help them sort it out and they felt loved and appreciated and seen in that moment right and all of those things are important to see because sometimes we can be in a space of where we get something done and it's just check,

check, check, check, check. And we're never really slowing down to honor and appreciate and acknowledge our efforts. I want to say this because I think it's so important, Jackie, in that so many of us feel under-acknowledged, right? We move heaven and earth every single day and nobody's watching. And sometimes even when people are watching, we don't get our due.

And so our ability to become really masterful and competent at celebrating ourselves and acknowledging ourselves also creates a room and space for others to love up on and acknowledge us as well. So that is the process of taking stock. I love everything about all of that. parents, your first step is go get the book, The Calling, Three Fundamental Shifts to Stay True, Get Paid, and Do Good. And then head on over to movethecrowd.me. Thank you so much, Ra, for writing the book, for taking the time to meet with me today, and for being on the show.

Thank you so much, Jackie, for having me. And thank you for your work. Thank you for all of the ways that you are here, for, in my mind, some of the most important members of our community. I don't know what we would do without our parents. And so thank you for answering your calling. And And it's been a joy and a privilege for me to be here with you today.

All right. That's it for today's episode of the No Problem Parenting Podcast. Hey, thanks guys for tuning in. If you found value in today's episode, click the subscribe button and share it with other parents who might need a little boost.

Stay connected on our socials by following at No Problem Parents for more parenting tips and get your free download of the 60 ways to respond to your kids without losing your cool. Go to NoProblemParents.com. Until next time, remember, your confidence comes from embracing both successes and setbacks.

So take a deep breath, embrace the chaos, and remember, you got this.