Develop a Sense of Wonder & Curiosity in your Children - How reading creates curiosity, wonder AND empathy with Special Guest & Author, Brian Frederick

Welcome to the No Problem Parenting Podcast. Turn behavior problems into no problem with Jackie Finneman. Are you ready to become the confident leader your kids crave you to be? Do you want to learn how to make parenting easier and more fulfilling?

Whether you are at your wit's end or you want to have more fun as a parent, you're definitely in the right place. Now here's your host, Jackie Finneman. Hey, welcome back, parents. Oh my gosh, I have a super fun guest for you today, an author of children's books.

And an exciting fact about my guest today is that he actually went to the same high school as C.S. Lewis, which I found super fantastic. I loved, as a kid, loved C.S. Lewis books.

So let me introduce you to our guest today. His name is Brian Frederick, an author of children's books who aims to bring more joy into the world for children and for the adults who love those kiddos so that they can live happier lives filled with more kindness. Brian is a proponent of finding the goodness in life. He shares the value of that philosophy through children's stories.

In his books, he hopes to entertain children and show them a world of kindness, joy, and wonder. Monday through Friday finds Brian as the lawyer at the helm of a commercial mediation services company. His work encourages solving disputes peacefully. This ideal carries over to the philosophy he shares in his children's books.

When asked about his philosophy of life as a writer, Brian said, I don't know if stories for children can change the world, but I hope they can make it a little better, certainly for my readers. I hope I can bring a little more joy into the world and a little more truth and kindness. I do care that these and other important things are often in short supply when they needn't be. Maybe my readers and I can change that together.

In a previous life, Brian made backpage headlines in his home country as a record-breaking swimmer. He was once dubbed the hottest property in Irish swimming, and some of his records stood for more than 30 years. He took several international caps representing Ireland abroad before extracurricular activities became more alluring in his late teens. Well, I'm picking up what you're putting down there, Brian. Wink, wink.

If that's not enough, Brian has also had breakfast and dinner twice with both James Bond and Vanessa Redgrave. But I got to tell you, none of that impresses me, even the C.S. Lewis thing, as much as Brian's book that I read, When Siggy Met Phyllis.

And we're going to talk today about how he went from being a mediation attorney to having this interest in starting to write children's books, books that are thoughtfully written and beautifully illustrated. Welcome to the show, Brian. I'm super happy to have you here. And I've already read your first book. And so I'm excited to share that with our listeners today.

Why don't you tell us a little bit of your background and how you went from being a mediator to wanting to write children's books? Hi Jackie it's lovely to be on the show. Thank you very much I hope you like the book. I loved it I have to tell you I loved it it's very sweet and and we'll get into that in a bit.

Excellent. I became a lawyer basically because when I was younger that seemed to be what what teachers and mentors and parents and and adults who you know best wanted me to do. It wasn't necessarily what I wanted to do and I kind of knew that at the time but you know I felt the pressure so I did what I was kind of told and I had some fun so it wasn't all bad but I decided I didn't really like being a litigator which is what I was doing and so I became a mediator which is sort of the opposite thing going from kind of fighting to peacemaking and that's sort of what I do or part of my life now as I'm a children's writer too but the children's writing I've always felt I was a writer at heart and I've always wanted to do that and I've done lots of writing in loads of spheres I've written thrillers that nearly got published and things like that and then in my lawyering life I've written all kinds of things and I've also done and marketing for law firms.

So I've always been writing, but during lockdown, in the UK here, we were stuck indoors. We were mandated to stay inside if you could. And in my little neighborhood, the city I live in now is a place called Bristol in the Southwest of the UK. They built Concord here.

And there's a few interesting things about it, but it's a kind of creative little city, about half a million people. The people who run Glastonbury Festival, a lot of the creative people from there live around, actually where I live right here. And there's a lot of homeschooling and it's that sort of vibe here. So when we were locked in, some of the local kids decided that we were probably all feeling quite sad, the adults, because they were still outside playing.

and they they came around and they they rang our doorbells and ran away like you know like kids do but the difference was when you went to the door this time they'd left little bouquets of flowers which they thought would cheer us up and I thought this is wonderful um I'm not sure they got a lot of engagement actually from other people maybe they were too busy but I um I started to play a little game with them it seemed to me that they they'd gone and were hiding so I started to talk to the the mid-air about how lovely this bouquet was and then these little heads popped out and you know we started to have a conversation and they uh they decided they were invisible so you know they told me I you can't see me and I I pretended I couldn't continue to talk you know to to them but to the mid-air you know so who am i talking to even if you even this here and we played that game for for ages months actually during the the summer um about a year ago and then when i was taking we were really lucky even though it's the city center we have a nature reserve just behind us so i would go walking because it's the only thing you were allowed to do to to leave the house and when i was doing that you know this this sort of little these little sweet events were in my head and it became a story so um i i kind of christened my my little girls the flower fairies um and i began to write this book called the fabulous flower fairies

um uh which is still in development but in that book my main little character was phyllis and she had a dog called Sigmund, a little dachshund. And I kind of got to an impasse in the flower fairies and I couldn't decide whether it was going to be a chapter book or a picture book, but I'd engaged an illustrator for it. I mean, there's some beautiful artwork for this book. So if it ever comes out, people I think will really like it.

But as I say, I sort of got to an editorial impasse. And then luckily, Siggy, the Dachshund, kind of spoke to me, I suppose, and we decided he had a story to tell. And the first story wrote itself quite quickly. And since Vivian, my illustrator, was already on the clock, I thought we'll illustrate this and just see where it goes.

And luckily, people seem to really like it. While I was busy, because there's quite a lot of sort of production that happens in a picture book. So once you've written the text and had it edited, there's quite a long sort of gap before anything can appear between editors and book designers laying out the text and the illustrator and then producing it. and it occurred to me that you know since I'd always intended The Flower Fairies to be the first book that that kind of told you a backstory of these two characters but now they were just appearing out of thin air so I thought I would write some kind of thing that explained who they were and that's the book that you read Jackie so I sort of it came to me that I could riff on when Harry met Sally. So I wrote when Siggy met Phyllis. And it's a little love story like that film is. We don't have the scene in Cats' Deli. It's about a little girl that goes to choose a puppy. And she's not sure which one to choose. And most of the puppies are very boisterous.

um i mean if if you if you know what um dachshunds are like they're they're usually quite boisterous and little ones are just like little springs lolloping about but siggy's a thoughtful little doggy um because he has to be because he has he has some philosophizing to do in my books so he's a quiet one and she doesn't notice him at first but then when she does they they sort of fall in love um so yeah that that's um that's what i'm doing now i'm i'm a i'm a children's writer as well as as a mediator and i'm i'm i'm hoping to do more with the writing than the mediator your story i mean this is it's really cool uh creative sweet the the um when Siggy McPhillis book is just absolutely sweet. And you actually offer that as a free download on your website. So I do. It's strange. I mean, you can buy it too, as a real book.

And that wasn't my intention when I wrote it. But I got contacted by some Dachshund owner groups about doing some stuff. And I said, Hey, you might like to read this. And the people that I showed it to liked it, but they almost all of them said they wanted a physical book to buy, which is a real surprise to me because I wasn't expecting to sell this one as such.

So if you were to want a physical version of it, you can get it on Amazon, but it's it's free on my website. And I think it'll stay free. I might even do a second one. I was thinking of doing a second one called when Phyllis met Siggy and make it from the perspective of um the little girl instead of the little dog yeah well I actually I would love to to see have the hardcover book because your illustrator is amazing as well I mean that it is the pictures in this book are beautiful and just full of life and and it's they're just very very very well done I should say. So she's fabulous. Yeah, she is that the whole lockdown experience that you had in in your neighborhood. And I love those kids coming to do you know, ding dong dash, right door dash and, and kind of being playful like that. And then they brought flowers. What a great idea. How cute and then you go out and you are creating curiosity in those kids when I in that way that you're being playful with them yep and so you know talk about that you you kind of have a passion for creating or sparking curiosity in kids so what what are some ideas that parents can develop that sense of wonder and pass it on to their children sure sure well i mean um i i think kids are naturally curious little beings um i mean you know anyone who's had kids or has minded kids or has grandkids or you know that they'll they'll know that children ask questions they want to

know about stuff naturally and I suppose you know today we live in a world of screens and I mean it's not just television when when I was growing up I suppose mostly it was television that people would would moan about you know children watch too much television but these days they they can't get away from computer screens or phones you you feel sometimes um i i think what what helped me find the creative spark for my books i think is is um the same as what i would recommend the parents although most of them probably already know this but but just going outside um i i find that um if if if you can walk with your children in nature um there's usually so many interesting things um that they they enjoy looking at that you can discuss and you can be curious with them together um and i think you know it helps if if you're outside i suppose they could have brought their phone but you know if you can leave the phones at home it it helps uh and and once once they're engaged in that world i've i've found children and just i mean that you know that their imaginations are so powerful they they really want to um you know to to engage with that and be and be as imaginative as as they they feel like being and i i think being outside and the expansiveness of that it all it all sparks that that sort of wonder and creativity you know anything can be wonderful you know it's it's I suppose over here we call it autumn but

it's it's fall now isn't it so you know leaves leaves are wonderful you know they're fascinating things everything's this there's a plethora of fascinating things once you're outside well and you talk about um that creating curiosity is really like the foundation for building empathy so why do you say that what do you what how do you explain that sure um well in in in my work i i um i i try to put people in the in the heads of of their adversaries um so that if if if we can get them there then they can start to imagine how the other person must be feeling and and within that walking down a road towards empathy a little empathy is is where the solution comes from because beforehand they're diametrically opposed and in a polarized situation so you have to you have to spark some kind of curiosity and empathy and and thinking about about how how the situation is from the other side and it's it's altering perspectives um so you you need to make them curious about about how other people might feel um I think children have a, again, you know, when we, when we grew up, we get socialized into mindsets and feelings and, and, you know, we, we, we take on labels, maybe that, that we wouldn't choose if, if, if we could, you know, if, if we could break out of this sort of straight jacket of blinkered thinking.

and children don't have that at all we we kind of put that on the children as they grow up children are just curious and fairly empathetic and i'm not saying they never fight obviously or that they can't be unreasonable but it's their curious mindset that breaks them out of that sort of behavior as well you know um like like when a child falls and i don't know scrapes their knee and and you can divert their attention and and for for a moment there the world has ended and they're they're crying and they're very very focused on on having a scraped knee but but suddenly if you change their attention then that's forgotten and they're much more interested in in in whatever that thing is it's the reason this is really the reason why the first step in my no problem, becoming a no problem parent is seek first to understand why, why is my child behaving the way they are? Why am I reacting the way I am? Why am I behaving the way I am? And I think similar to the mediation work that you do really trying to be start with the why and get curious about why is this person so angry? Why is my child so upset? Sometimes it's really easy to figure out Other times we really need to become curious and it takes a minute for us to figure out all the possibilities of why.

And so seeking first to understand starts with curiosity and that why. So I love that, that you mentioned that, that you bring that up. And I hadn't really thought of curiosity and empathy going hand in hand. And they really do.

They do. um it's it's a little like um i suppose a lot of people are are more aware of of mindfulness as a as a sort of a discipline in the in the adult world and i guess it's it's it's like that isn't it it's it's just slowing your brain down um and and and trying to trying to be more in the moment rather and and seeing what's going on rather than than just reacting automatically because you you do get into a sort of a set way of of behaving and and you know if if you're stressed it's hard to break out of that without without trying to put the brakes on it absolutely I I totally agree what do you think books can do that nothing else can do in your opinion let's talk a little bit about why would a kid read one of your books when they can watch tv or play on their phone or video game?

Well, you mentioned my illustrators, so I mean, from a sort of commercial perspective, it's important to me to get somebody like Vivian, because one of the first things that I think you need is a bit of visual impact for the children, for the age group I'm looking for. After that, it's, you know, hopefully they like the story. And if they do, I think that's where books can do things that television and smartphones can't, because they can engage with this part of the child's brain that really wants to create for themselves.

so television and smartphone will feed them stories and they'll feed them well if they're video games they'll feed them action and that can be entertaining and I mean it could be good for them as well but but the book will do something different completely different and much more enjoyable in that the child will be manufacturing their own world in their head and I'm sure you know lots of us can look back to our childhood and favorite books where you know we we can if we can look back and remember that you can almost feel that that sort of sense of coziness and and and wonder and um almost that that you disappeared into the book into this imaginary world and you know when something kind of wakes you out of this little happy trance that you've been in um it's it's it's like you literally you disappeared into another world um I think that that's what books can do um it makes me think of um when I was about nine I think maybe um something like that nine or ten um a teacher at school read us the the lion the witch in the wardrobe by C.S. Lewis um oh one of my favorites yeah and I I can still remember how you know there's a class of maybe 25 children and we just can't can't get enough of this you know we're silent wrapped with attention and just loving this every one of us and I think that's what groups can do that nothing else can it's funny I ended up going to the the school I went to the high school

C.S. Lewis was a pupil there about 100 years before. That's so cool. Yeah, it is pretty good.

But I was a fan of his before I ever knew that. I didn't go to the school because I knew that. It was just a nice thing when I was there to find out. That is super fun. Yeah. It's so great. Now that I hadn't even thought of those books for forever, but I hope that every child has an opportunity or chance to read the whole, the Chronicles of Narnia series. Cause it's just, I mean, it really, the minute you mentioned it, I can go back to my childhood and I can remember how I couldn't wait to read the next chapter. I didn't want to put the book down and I wasn't even a big reader back then. I didn't really care for reading all that much, but that was a book or a series. I should say that just kind of like Harry Potter maybe is now to, to a lot of kids.

But still go back and read those Chronicles of Narnia. Oh, so good. How can people find your book and learn more about you? Okay. That's dead easy.

BrianFrederickAuthor.com is where I'm at and you can get the free book. It's on every single page of that website. So all you have to do is click the thing that says, get your free book.

and it'll take you right there. It'll also tell you about other books. Care to go, you can buy Siggy Loves Sausages on Amazon, but you can also buy When Siggy Met Phyllis, which is the free book if you want it in a paperback. But yeah, stay tuned.

There'll be more Siggy's and you'll be able to see everything on my website, but I'm also on Instagram and Twitter and Facebook as well. Sure, so I'll put all those links in the show notes. And I do look forward to the fabulous flower fairies. Is that what it is?

Yes. Yes. The fabulous flower fairies. I hope that will be out sometime in the next year or so.

I do have some nieces. I'm sure that would love to read it. So yeah, fabulous. Well, I'll stay in touch, Jackie.

I'll send you an advanced copy. Oh, that would be awesome. Good thing I mentioned that real quick, right? I really appreciate all that you're doing and just your passion for the curiosity and the playfulness that you have with these kiddos outside.

I still think I remember doing that kind of thing as a as a as a child and just all of that. It's sometimes it's it's the simplest thing, you know, provide the most for kids. So I really appreciate you, Brian. And thanks for being here today.

Thank you for having me, Jackie. I've loved being on the show. Oh, my gosh, that was so fun. Thank you again, Brian, for being with me today.

And parents, go check out his books. the best way to do any of this and learn more about brian is just to go to brian frederick author.com i'm going to include in the show notes his instagram facebook twitter so go buy his books and then be sure to leave a review that is so important and helpful for authors and this guy is just a true gift he is just um he gets it and he sees kids and we need more people like brian in the world. So thanks again so much, Brian, for being with me today.

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