Tech & Teaching Tuesday: Integrating Work, Family, and Screen Time with Dollnita Winston

Hey parents, welcome back to another Tech and Teaching Tuesday on No Problem Parenting. I'm your host, Jackie Finneman, and today we're going to be talking about the delicate dance of integrating work and family life. And in the second segment, we're going to talk about screen time and a couple of tips for how you can incorporate healthy boundaries around screen time. My guest today is Dalnita Winston, and she's going to shed some light on the importance of being present and initiating family conversations about stress within your home.

And before we dive into our conversation with Dalnita, she has written an incredible book and workbook titled De-Stressing the Stressed Out Family. After my interview with Dalnita, I'm going to share how much screen time is too much. So stay tuned for that. Dalnita, it is such a pleasure to have you here.

Let's dive into some insights from your book about navigating the complexities of stress within our family and finding that intricate balance between work and family life. Welcome to the show. Thank you, Jackie. I appreciate you having me today. Is there work-life balance? Is that a possibility? Some people think that they cannot achieve balance. So for those people who are challenged with that phrase or that word balance, I look at the word integration and that's a more softer, more acceptable word for some. How do we integrate? How does that, the work world and family world, how does that intersect in these days and challenging times that we live in? Frustration, being overwhelmed, of totally being stressed out. It is really important that we kind of stop, sort of breathe a little bit and really embrace that we cannot perhaps do it all. However, I believe that we can achieve to some degree this superhero phenomena that I really have embraced. And so that's really what gets me excited, helping parents to really be able to juggle all of the responsibilities of parenting and achieving career goals and just other responsibilities. How does all of that happen? What gets the wheel to really moving and being in motion.

And that's what I do with folks. And I love it. You said the word integrate. Yes.

I like that way better than balance. Yes, most people do. I just think balancing is, it just makes me feel like I'm teetering almost. I don't know that we can ever hold it equal or even nor should we at times.

Sometimes, you know, there's more pressures for work because of deadlines and things. And then there's other times where there's more pressure for kids, especially if they're sick. Let's get into what do you mean when you say parent like a superhero? Well, first of all, I think we all can agree that when we bring our babies home from the hospital, no one gives us a manual. No one gives us a how to do.

So we are hopefully not lying by the seat of our pants, but we are using our life experiences and we are aware. So I call it the ABCs of parenting. A stands for awareness, B stands for breathing, and C stands for caring. In other words, self-care. Okay, self-care that is. So with those three concepts, we can parent like a superhero, being aware that children, they demand our time, our effort, and our attention. So I said those out of order. So I call that tea time, okay?

And again, time, children need our time. They need our attention. They need our energy, okay? So I I love that word as it relates to the E.

They need our energy. Being a parent is really challenging at times. And so without time, without energy, and without attention, we really are going to struggle, in my opinion. And so I believe to parent like a superhero, it takes all of that.

It takes the ABCs of parenting. It takes tea time. And even then, we may come against some stressful times, some intense moments, but I believe we can embrace all of that as we raise our children from infants to adults. And that takes all of that and more.

And so that's what qualifies us as superheroes. heroes and really to understand from a child's perspective, children look at their parents as, yeah, as heroes, but as people who have it all together and who have the answers, whether the kids want to hear them or not. They look at us in this most positive light. And part of how we parent as their caretakers has a lot to do with their self-esteem as they bond and become attached to us as they learn that they're meeting their every need pretty much.

And that's what makes us a superhero because their self-esteem is developing early in infancy. Their way of being confident is really being established very early in life, more so than probably what we really imagine or can think of. All of those components makes us superheroes. I love the ABCs, the awareness, breathing and caring.

And I didn't catch it at first when you said tea time. I was like, wait, what? Now we're having tea as I'm sipping my tea because of my nasty cold that I have right now. But tea is an acronym, time, energy and attention.

You know, maybe I'll go buy my superhero cape, but I'll put it on in the midst of all the stress and all the things that are happening between work and life and parenting and self care and all that stuff. Like, how do I get to the point where I can de-stress enough to actually put the cape on and really embrace it and feel like I am that superhero for my kids? Yeah, yeah. So I'm glad you brought up the word cape because typically I share with parents when I work with them, I tell them, listen, you are a superhero.

You may not be wearing your cape. Your cape may be in the back of your closet, but you are still a superhero. And that typically brings a smile or even a laugh from my clients. I'm smiling right now.

Yeah. Yeah. It's so needed to smile and to take a deep breath. And again, to really understand in the midst of all that, the responsibilities, the challenges of parenting, the stress of parenting, especially if you're a new parent or if you're a parent of a teenager.

Oh, my goodness. Well, that's another show all by itself. In the midst of all that's going on, life, we call it, just to be able to enjoy those moments when your children are young, there is no problem with them giving hugs and kisses and they're wrapping their little hands around our necks. And many times we're not even asking for it, but they're just popping on our laps.

And those are special moments. And if we're so stressed, if we're so overwhelmed, we sort of let those moments pass without being aware of them. Take time to be mindful, to enjoy those moments because we're making memories. I'd like to think of an example of, let's say, a mom who is working an eight-hour shift, but she's really gone at least nine hours.

Gotten up in the morning, gotten the kids ready for school and daycare. She's done the drop-offs and now she's done the pickups. She's coming home, got dinner on the table, you know, doing all the things. And now because the kids have been away from her, they're kind of clingy, whether they're young and clinging on her or they're a teen and saying, mom, mom, I need this sports equipment washed or I need X, Y, and Z done.

How does mom even get to the point where she's like feeling like a superhero in those moments? Because she's got so much on her mind just from that one day. You wrote a book called De-Stressing the Stressed Out Family. And in that book, you're talking about examples just like this, right?

Like what do we do when we are so overwhelmed with both work and family? And how do we get to a point where we can just kind of de-stress and get our bearings and then be that superhero parent? If we are not mindful of how we're doing life, and if we're not taking time out for self-care and stress management, we can't be the parents that we really long to be. And especially for women, I think it's super important for all of us to take time for ourselves.

You know, in one coaching session, this has been about four years ago, when I got to the segment, when I came to the segment of self-care and stress management, and I went around the room, so to speak, to ask what are people doing for themselves? One parent, I will never forget, a mom said, listen, I have four children. It's impossible for me to carve out time for myself. But what I do is at the end of the evening, when it's time for my shower, I take an extra long shower.

She said, it's just me in the water. And I embrace that. I enjoy that. And that was her time.

Now, she may not have been able to go to the gym, get her nails done, or take long walks at that particular time. But what I wanted her to realize is that, yeah, when our children are young, they are a little bit more needy. And it's not going to last forever. They won't be three forever.

They won't be preschool forever. But as they grow and develop, then certainly we can be more aware that we need me time. And I speak in my book about the moment during a conversation with my husband that I realized, oh, I could certainly use some me time. You know, we had three children.

We were busy doing things. My husband's a pastor. So he had his nine to five pastoring a church. I had my nine to five.

We were raising our children. Life was really interesting. When I thought about, hmm, I would really like to get out of the house ever so often and maybe be with my girlfriends, whether it was going to a movie or going out to dinner and just kind of breathing, letting my hair down, so to speak. You know, I'm a real advocate for mindfulness and meditation and being able to incorporate that in our day-to-day routine is huge. Every morning I wake up in time to have my own sitting with myself, meditate.

I think about things. When I take that moment in the mornings, ideas are flowing more freely. I also take that time as I drink my coffee to pray. I incorporate prayer every morning.

I feel that the optimum way for me to start my day through prayer and meditation. So that's a form of self-care. And I try to end my day with sitting with myself, even if I'm laying in the bed, just to kind of rehearse what my day felt like and to pray and be thankful and grateful that I made it through that day. Just little things can help us.

A lot of times we overlook little things. Yes. We overlook sitting with ourselves. We overlook negative self-thoughts, weakening thoughts or limiting beliefs.

We overlook that because we're so accustomed to thinking in that negative way. But when we're positive and we fill our lives with positivity, like mindfulness, like meditation, definitely like prayer, it really helps us. It helps us as humans, for sure. Many times we allow time to escape us by, you know, social media, visitation, scrolling, binge watching. We neglect moments or time that we can use for self-development.

Now, if you're scrolling and you come upon something that is for self-development, that's great. But a lot of the TV shows we watch or the movies we watch, can they fit into the box? Can the box be checked that it's helping me to be more self-aware or it's helping me to gain more confidence? So we have to intentionally make space for those positive areas of our lives to make us aware and confident in the hats that we wear. And Lord knows we as women wear many hats for sure.

Your book, De-Stressing the Stressed Out Family, is actually a guide in helping families, not just the parents, but bringing the whole family together and understanding how to reconnect with each other and set your priorities for how you want your family and your relationship and kind of your day in, day out life to run. to run. And again, I think that's so important because, you know, our children are constantly watching us. They're constantly observing us. They're learning how to do life based upon how their parents do life, you know? So all of that is important because we want to be good role models.

We want to be good teachers and, and guiders for our children. And so we've got to be able to systematically approach things that occur in our lives. Again, back to that integration of family life and work, all of that I cover in my book because again, our children are not going to be with us forever. One day they're going to, you know, we're going to softly give them a gentle nudge out of the nest and we want them to be able to make it. So that's one real reason why I wrote the book as well as the workbook to give people practical tools for family life and not being so stressed that they can't enjoy life, that they cannot enjoy family life. When we can admit that we do need some grace and we're bold enough to ask for it, I think that's a good place to start.

I believe that we're living in a world that's more aware of the importance of mental health. That's the buzzword these days. The buzzword is stress. The buzzword is anxiety.

And let us look at it from a vantage point of where we know that we have to take care of ourselves. And so that integration and that balance starts with knowing our priorities and being able to say no. being able to know what we're able to put on our plate. And we realize when all of the stuff is falling off of our plate and having meaningful conversations with those around us, whether it's within our family, our husbands, our wives, our children, to say, hey, I feel like I'm kind of treading the waters here.

I feel like I'm ready to need some help. and let's talk as a family to see how we can support each other more. Whether that conversation has to occur on our jobs with our co-workers, our supervisors. Hey, I'm feeling a little stressed and I'm wondering if there's some adjustments that could be made until I kind of get over this hurdle. Parents, you can find Dalnita and all her information at familylifeenhancement.com. You can follow her on LinkedIn and Facebook. And if you'd like to hire her to speak, you can go to donetawinstonspeaks.com. Exactly. Yes. Thank you so much for taking the time to record with me today and to share your information with my audience. I really appreciate you and I'm so grateful to have met you. Thank you so much, Jackie. I thoroughly enjoyed this.

Thank you. All right, parents. Now in this age of technology, it is super important to understand how much screen time is too much, not just for our kids, but also for ourselves. So I want to consider the guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics, but we're also going to acknowledge that screen time is in fact an integral part of our kids' reality. It is the future. I'm going to go through these guidelines and then I'm going to share some tips about how you can be more intentional about screen time use. So I'm going to read through these guidelines from January of 2022 from the American Academy of Pediatrics, but of course you want to make sure to check the latest recommendations directly from the AAP's website or consult with your pediatrician. But for kiddos under 18 months, the AAP recommends avoiding the use of digital media except for video chatting.

For children 18 to 24 months, if you choose to introduce digital media, it should be high quality programming or apps and co-viewing is encouraged so parents should help children understand what they are seeing or viewing. And then for kiddos ages two to five, limit screen time to one hour per day of high quality programming. Co-viewing is still important to help children understand the content. For children ages six and older, establish consistent limits on the amount of screen time per day to ensure adequate time for sleep, physical activity, and other healthy behaviors, and also encourage a balanced approach to media, including time for homework, physical activity, and social activities. Now, additional recommendations are to prioritize unplugged creative playtime for infants and young children, and avoid using screens as a way to calm children or to keep them occupied, especially before bedtime.

And then be mindful of content, ensure it's age appropriate and educational. So the AAP says that adapting these guidelines to your children's needs and their developmental stage is super important. Regularly reviewing and discussing screen time habits with your pediatrician can help ensure that you make appropriate choices for your child's overall well-being. And of course, check the AAP's official website for the most up-to-date guidelines.

So when I read through that, I mean, we all kind of know that we should limit screen time. And maybe there's some of you out there that are able to adhere to the screen time limits. But gosh, guys, in my coaching and in just being out in public, in a store or with friends or at a restaurant, I see kids on the screen all the time. And us as adults, we are so tied to screens.

So while I think these guidelines are great and I wish we had less screen time in general, I just don't know that it is our reality. So the best that I can do is come up with these Tech and Teaching Tuesday podcast episodes so we can give you some tips and tools and resources and ways that we can do the best we can when it comes to technology. So here are two tips today for creating technology responsibility. Tip number one is to set clear time limits around technology. So you really want to establish specific time limits for screen use based on the age appropriate guidelines. There are parental controls and device settings that will help you enforce these limits.

I really encourage you to take a look at the information, the education that comes with your device, whether it's an iPhone, a tablet or a gaming device. Many devices have built in features that are going to allow you to set daily or hourly time restrictions. And so it does take a little bit of work to go in and learn those, but they're definitely there at your disposal. So you can start your kiddos off on the right foot when it comes to technology and screen time limits.

Now, you can also listen to episode 170 with Meredith DePaulo. She and her husband developed the Carrots and Cake app. I believe that is still just an app for Apple users. I also shared about the Parents Who Fight website, and they have several recommendations for apps that work for curbing screen time use with your kids.

So really, guys, it's about creating those clear time limits and just implementing them right from the start to help your kiddos just know the expectations, which leads me into Tip number two, create tech-free zones and tech-free time slots in your home. So you're going to want to designate certain areas and times in your home as tech-free zones. You might decide that the dining table during meals or bedrooms before bedtime are off limits for screens.

And then I also suggest having a central charging station where your devices are put after you use them and before bed. So every time a kiddo's done using a tablet or a phone, have them go plug it back in, in like say the kitchen or in the entryway where all the devices go. This is going to help with kids who lose their tablets or misplace them, set them down and can't remember where they are. Same with phones.

But setting the expectations and making them non-negotiable from the start creates healthy tech boundaries for the whole family, not just our kids, but for us as well. How often do we sleep with our phone near our bed? Is that a necessity? And then also encourage your family members to engage in non-screen activities during the times that you've said are tech-free zones.

You want to encourage face-to-face communication and other forms of entertainment. In this coming Social Saturdays episode, I'm going to talk about being bored and a fun tip for what you can do when your kids do say they're bored. Stay tuned for episode 227 for more about that. Remember that while setting limits is important, it's also equally crucial to model healthy screen time habits yourself.

You want to demonstrate responsible screen usage. You don't want to always have that phone right on your hip or in your hand or on the table or the counter. Engage in tech-free activities as a family so that you can create a really positive and balanced approach to technology. Think of it like practicing what you preach, parents, all right?

So if you need support in any way, click the become a no problem parent link in the show notes. Get started today on becoming the confident leader your kids crave to be. Thanks for tuning in today. And feel free to share this with a family that you know who could use some extra support in their parenting journey.

All right, that's it for today's episode of the No Problem Parenting Podcast. Hey, thanks guys for tuning in. If you found value in today's episode, click the subscribe button and share it with other parents who might need a little boost. Stay connected on our socials by following at No Problem Parents for more parenting tips and get your free download of the 60 ways to respond to your kids without losing your cool.

Go to NoProblemParents.com. Until next time, remember, your confidence comes from embracing both successes and setbacks. So take a deep breath, embrace the chaos, and remember, you got this.

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