Mindset & Motivation Monday: Shifting from ’I Can’t’ to ’I Can’ Conversations with Jaci Finneman

Welcome to another episode of No Problem Parenting's Mindset and Motivation Mondays. Kickstart your week with inspiration, affirmations, and practical tips to confidently conquer the challenges in your home. Hey parents, I'm your host Jackie Fineman, and today we're acknowledging the influence of our self-talk, specifically those disempowering I can't statements that often show up in our parenting responses and conversations, either with our kids or with our peers, and they tend to show up. We tend to say I can't most often when our energy is drained. So today I'm going to share the profound change that can occur when we intentionally shift our language. And I'm going to include my own I can't story.

Here we go. Are you ready to become the confident leader your kids crave you to be? Are you losing your crap on your kids, yelling, giving in and exhausted at the end of every day? Well, if your confidence is shot and you feel like you're failing your kids, register to become a no-problem parent.

You can start building confidence in your parenting immediately, whether your child is a toddler or all grown up and still living in your house. Don't make this parenting gig harder than it needs to be. Become a no-problem parent today. All right, parents, welcome back. Do you tend to say, I can't a lot? Have you recognized that or noticed that?

Pay attention in the coming week to see how often you or someone you know is saying, I can't. You know, often in our daily conversations, especially in parenting, I can't tends to be a default response. Often it's because we're exhausted or have too much on our plate and we're not taking enough time for self-care. If you listen to Self-Care Sunday, I've got some tips in there for you about how you can take care of yourself and be intentional about that.

You know, really, I can't isn't so much about our capabilities. It's more about our fears or our worries or just our preferences. So consider the last time you said I can't in response to a parenting situation or any situation, really. Was it genuinely about your capability to be able to do something or not?

Or was it really covering up a different emotion? Recognizing this distinction is the first step. It's about understanding that I can't might actually mean I'm scared, I prefer not to, or I don't know how, or I need support. Let me start with my own example.

So about 12 years ago, I was 18 years into my career as a family counselor and clinical teams coordinator, and I was working about 50 to 70 hours a week, driving up to 5,000 miles a month. And I found myself saying, I can't to my son, my husband, family, and friends. I was saying it a lot. Things like, I'm sorry, honey.

I can't take you. I'm working. Or I can't attend that event. I'm working.

I'd say, I can't go on that trip, even though I have vacation time because I'm too busy with work. Or I'd say, Andrew, I can't play with you. I'm just too tired. And then eventually the statement turned into, I can't believe it.

I'm that mom who never has time for her kid, who's always tired, who's always exhausted. I can't take it anymore. Well, if you listen to episode 32 of the No Problem Parenting podcast, you heard my story of leaving that eventual 20-year career to start my own company so that I could be home more and have more flexibility. But before I actually left the career, there were more I can't statements like, I can't start a company.

And the thoughts racing in my head. So it was like, I can't sleep. I can't talk to you right now. Well, at that time, a business coach had noticed my I can't statements and she encouraged me to get to the root of what I was saying.

Was it true that I can't or couldn't? Nope. The real truth was that I was exhausted. I was sad.

I was frustrated. And at the root of all of it, I was scared. So with a little bit of work and intention, when I changed those I can't statements into I can statements, my confidence and my attitude changed. My motivation increased and my mindset shifted.

So it's not that I can't statements are never appropriate. Instead, it's about recognizing the defeating feeling that we are unknowingly internalizing when we use those I can't statements. Often it's about feeling like I'm not good enough or I am not enough. So we can empower ourselves and turn those I can't statements into confident and authentic expressions.

We can own our feelings and not apologize for them. And I'm going to share a couple of examples of this in a minute. But first, let's look at the benefits of saying I can instead of I can't. Can actually have several positive effects on your mindset and your actions.

And as parents, we can model this for our kids, which then helps them become more confident and empowered to do hard things and to create boundaries. So here are several positive effects. Number one, empowerment. I can statements empower you by acknowledging your capabilities and reinforcing a positive self image.

It instills confidence in your ability to overcome challenges. Number two, solution oriented. oriented. I can statements focus on possibilities and solutions rather than limitations. So it encourages a proactive and problem-solving mindset, which leads to more constructive actions.

Number three, positive mindset. Just saying I can, can create a positive outlook on situations. It helps us shift our perspective from seeing obstacles first to recognizing opportunities and potential growth. So instead of leading with I can't obstacles, we're actually shifting that and recognizing the I can opportunities. Number four, motivation. Affirming I can can serve as self-motivation. It sets a tone for determination and perseverance, and it motivates us to take steps towards our goals. Number five, openness to learning. Saying I can opens the door to learning and growth. It implies a willingness to try, to learn, and to adapt even in the face of challenges and obstacles. Number six, impact on others.

Expressing confidence with I can can positively influence those around you, whether it's your kiddos, your family, or your colleagues. It really sets the tone of optimism and encouragement. And as we mentioned last week in Mindset and Motivation Monday, we want to be intentionally optimistic this year. And then finally, number seven, the mind-body connection. Positive affirmations like I can, can influence your emotions and even your physical responses.

It contributes to a healthier mind-body connection, which promotes overall well-being. Remember, language shapes our thoughts and our thoughts shape our actions. So choosing positive affirmations like I can creates a supportive internal mental environment that supports growth, resilience, and a more optimistic approach to challenges. All right, let's get into a couple of examples of changing I can't to I can. So for instance, instead of saying, I can't handle this, you might instead acknowledge this situation overwhelms me and I need support. By making this subtle shift, we move from a place of perceived incapability to recognizing our emotional state and asking for help or assistance. Again, talked about that yesterday in self-care Sundays,

the importance of asking for and accepting help. Now, another example is reframing, oh man, I'm sorry, I can't commit. How many times have you said that? Oh, I just can't commit.

Instead, change this to, you know what, I'm going to choose not to at this time. Thank you for asking. So this shift is going to acknowledge how much you can handle and that commitment is a choice. And commitments, when we make commitments, there's a lot of factors that go into making and accepting and agreeing to commit to something. By using this I can language, we can create open communication and authenticity in our relationships, including with our kids, but also parents. This is a really good example of setting boundaries. So instead of saying I can't commit, try, you know what? I choose not to at this time. And you can even follow it up with thank you for asking or thank you for thinking of me. All right. My last example that I'm going to share today is I can't take it anymore. Let's replace that with, you know what? I need a minute to rest. I need a moment to reset. I need time. And remember the pause. I talk about the pause in episode one. Sometimes I don't even like to refer people back to those early episodes because of the sound. And, you know,

I was so new at podcasting, but it is really important that when we are feeling just absolutely exhausted and like we just can't take it anymore, we need to recognize that this just means we need a moment to rest and or reset. So remembering the pause, hand on your heart, hand on your stomach, breathe, take a minute and just get it together. And that minute might last a whole day, might mean getting to bed early. you know, whatever it is for you, realizing and recognizing that you actually can take it some more. You just don't want to, and you're recognizing and acknowledging you need to rest and reset.

Changing that phrase communicates the need for self-care and it acknowledges the intensity of the situation without labeling it as insurmountable, which is defeating, right? When we acknowledge our need for self-care. Our shoulders drop and our posture lifts and we can feel confident and empowered. So remember, when you catch yourself in those I can't moments, let's flip the script to I can. It's not just about changing the words. It's about owning your capabilities and tackling parenting and your relationships head on with confidence. So often it's not that you can't.

Be intentional when you find yourself saying I can't. Think about it later. How could you have turned that into a I can? What can you do?

What are you willing to do? What do you want to do? And instead of feeling defeated, you can feel victorious. I hope this mindset and motivation tip has helped you.

Share it with a friend or family member who might need some help and support in shifting their I can't statements to I can. And tune in tomorrow for Tech and Teaching Tuesday. We're talking all things screen time. how much is too much and is there really such a thing in today's world? Stay tuned.

All right, that's it for today's episode of the No Problem Parenting Podcast. Hey, thanks guys for tuning in. If you found value in today's episode, click the subscribe button and share it with other parents who might need a little boost. Stay connected on our socials by following at No Problem Parents for more parenting tips and get your free download of the 60 ways to respond to your kids without losing your cool, go to no problem. Parents.com until next time.

Remember your confidence comes from embracing both successes and setbacks. So take a deep breath, embrace the chaos, and remember you got this.