Tech & Teaching Tuesdays Digital Safety for all ages: Tips, and Tools for Confident Parenting

Hey, welcome to Tech and Teaching Tuesdays on the No Problem Parenting Podcast. I'm Jackie Finneman, your host, and today's question is general for our first episode of Tech and Teaching Tuesdays, but I'm going to share several resources that are going to help you set up specific safety supports depending on your child's age. Ensuring our kiddos' online safety is tricky, and we're not going to always get it right. But trust me when I say that putting in some time and effort sooner rather than later is going to save you lots of frustration in the long run.

Remember, step two of no problem parenting, it's prepare for the worst. Well, preparing our kids for the digital world and protecting them is one of the most important jobs you'll have in this digital era. Technology is a reality. It is our future, and we want to celebrate it more than fear it.

So before we get started, if you haven't checked out episodes 12 and 13 of the No Problem Parenting Podcast, you might want to give them a listen. In episode 12, I talk with Sarah Siegand from parentswhofight.com. She's going to share apps and tips for securing your kids' devices, their game consoles, their phones, and their smart TVs.

And in episode 13, I'm going to give you some tips on how to have conversations with your kids about technology and how not to use it as a go-to consequence when your kiddos make mistakes. You know, many of us, the first thing we do if our child gets in trouble or does something we ask them not to do or doesn't do something we ask them to do, we tend to go right to technology and take the screens away. And that's not always the best move. So I discussed that more in episode 13. Today's question is how can I ensure my child's online safety? And again, I'm sharing lots of tips and tools around that. So here we go. Hey there parents. Thanks for listening to the no problem parenting podcast. Are you ready to become the confident leader? Your kids crave you to be registered to become a no problem parent for just $50. It comes with an app. So you can listen to the tips and tools, just like you're listening to this podcast. You can start building confidence in your parenting immediately. Don't make this parenting gig harder than it needs to be. Become a no problem parent today. All right, parents, as we get into the episode today, let's just start by acknowledging that the digital world our kids are growing up in is huge. It's everywhere. It's in every part of their daily life and it is their future.

So let's embrace it with excitement and acknowledge the opportunity, the things that they have access to that are good. But it also comes with its set of challenges. And the biggest one of those, I think, is safety followed by addiction to the convenience and potential isolation and lack of social skills when we're constantly on technology, if we're not using it in the best way. Technology can put a wedge in our relationship with our kids, but it doesn't have to. So let's be that confident leader and make decisions around how we want to lead our children in the digital era. All right, let's start with our littles. So for those of you with preschoolers and little ones, setting digital boundaries is your first step. We need boundaries around this.

So I have to ask you, are you using your phone or your tablet to keep your kiddos busy when you're at the store or when you're talking with friends or when you're preparing dinner? How much time is your little spending on screens because it's just easier than getting them set up with some toys, books, or other things, right? We're just using it as, oh, here's my phone. It's just much easier. Now next week, we're going to talk more about the AAP's general guidelines for kids and different ages and how much screen time they should have. But think about how you're using technology with your kids on just an everyday basis. Is the screen time for entertainment?

Are you using screen time with these two to five-year-olds for education? Or is it kind of your go-to babysitter? If you're finding that you're using it to keep your kids quiet, you're potentially setting yourself up for more meltdowns, poor sleep issues, and anxiety-related behaviors. So it's better in the two to five-year ages to have more screen-free options for keeping your kiddos entertained than just using the screen as a go-to babysitter.

Now check out episode 24 with Drew Vernon from the company Tony's. Tony's is an audio storyteller, like a wireless speaker for kids. It's an imagination building screen free digital listening experience that plays stories. And the Tony's are figurines or characters that come with the story.

So check out the link in the show notes of episode 24 for more information about Tony's. but it is a really great resource for getting your kids off the screen and keeping them entertained and building imagination. Now, as our kids enter the elementary and middle school years, we shift the focus. Now it's time to teach critical thinking and online etiquette. In episode 13 of the No Problem Parenting podcast, we discussed communication and independence, and that ties really beautifully with this next tip. So just like we guide them in the real world, let's guide them through the digital one. So the tip for the middle school kiddos today is to teach them the three W's. Who, what, and why. So before they get into online content or interactions or they click on that YouTube video or they want to download an app, encourage them to ask who am I talking to? What am I sharing or watching or consuming? And why am I doing it? This simple rule is going to teach critical thinking and responsible online behaviors. And we want to teach our kids to do this right from the inside out, rather than just putting all the rules and parameters or saying, no, you can't have that. Have a conversation about that. It's actually a good idea to tape those three questions inside the cover of their tablet or somewhere visible in the room that they typically are playing in. You can also ask them these questions when they

ask for an app or a certain game or video. You can ask them the three W's. Who would you be talking to? What would you be sharing or watching? And why do you want it? It's a great way for you to engage with them and remember to ask those questions. If you are having that conversation, ask those questions with curiosity and in a very matter-of-fact way. Rather than assuming the worst or already being prepared to say no, get some more information from them and ask the three W's, but also teaching them to ask the three W's for themselves. Sometimes kids will really, really, really want something because their friends have it and then they end up getting it and they actually don't like it. This happened to our son years ago when he first wanted Snapchat and I thought it was a bit too young for him to have Snapchat. So we had said no, learned more information, finally said, you know what, buddy, why don't you get it? You try it out. You decide if it's something you want or not. About two months in, he said, mom, I'm going to delete that from my phone because of the streaks that they need to keep on Snapchat. He found it overwhelming and he was feeling bad if he didn't reply to one of his friends and he wrecked a streak. And so it just got to be too much for him. So he took it off of his phone for a while. And then probably eight or nine months later, he decided he wanted it again. But then by that point, he was able to

put his own boundaries around it and not be so worried about wrecking a streak or stopping a streak. So by helping your kiddos answer these three W's, the three W questions, it helps put them in the driver's seat, feel empowered to make their own choices, and is teaching them critical thinking. All right, now real quick before I share a technology tip for teens, I want to share an education and learning resource for teenagers. LearningSuccessAcademy.com has a teen coaching for success and empowerment program. This is one of several offers at LearningSuccessAcademy.com.

It's specific to holistic support for teenagers. So their ICF accredited coaches will coach teens to overcome their achievement blockers so that they can thrive in school instead of struggle. You can get 50% off their teen neuroassessment today by going to learningsuccessacademy.com backslash teenage dash coaching.

Tell them No Problem Parenting podcast referred and recommended you. You can find the link in the show notes of this episode. If your teen is struggling and maybe it's just in a specific subject, this teen neuroassessment is going to help identify the area that they most need support in. And the assessment will help you determine how you can best help your kiddo in whatever subject or just holistically what they need assistance with.

So again, check out the link in the show notes for more information. Okay, let's talk tech and adolescence. I mean, that's a roller coaster on all fronts, right? Parents, keeping open communication and privacy awareness is our key focus here for the adolescents.

So remember in episode 12's talk with Sarah Segan from Parents Who Fight, we talked about building trust. And episode 13's discussion was on being a supportive presence. Our tendency with adolescents is to pull in the reins rather than letting them explore and expand and learn life lessons kind of on their own. And I get that because of safety and security when it comes to technology and all they can be exposed to online.

However, we do want to promote independence and we want to believe in them that they can make great decisions on their own. And we want that communication and the trust to be such that if and when our teens do make mistakes or get into something they should not have gotten into or discover something that popped up when they were like, I didn't even try to look for that. And it was something sexual or predatorial. We want our teens to know they can come to us for help and to show us that.

And so we really want to have open communication. some parents take the stance of just sort of opening the reins so much so that you're not checking on anything when it comes to your kids technology and you're not setting up any safety measures because you don't even know enough on what to do and so it's sort of like out of sight out of mind and you're crossing your fingers hoping it's all going to go well we really need to be prepared as best we can as parents and so let's not fear it let's dive into it and figure it out and the great news is with the teenager you can do that side by side with them so that they're learning right along with you and vice versa. One of my favorite things to do if you have a kiddo that struggles with keeping secrets or sneaky behavior or tends to lie to you and you're finding that technology is putting a wedge in your relationship, consider creating a digital contract with your teen. Now this contract is going to outline all of the things that you're interfering and it's going to outline all of the expectations and the responsible use of whatever the devices are. It's going to provide guidelines for open interactions and expectations regarding privacy. You and the teen are going to work together to create this contract. And so it's a discussion, a dialogue. You're creating open communication and mutual understanding. And then that way, if the contract is broken in any way, you don't need to be the bad guy. You can instead

go back to that contract and say, hey, this didn't happen or you broke the rule on that. At that point, it's just a matter of enforcing or following through. Like I mentioned in episode 13, it's going to prevent you, the parent, from taking away devices as a go-to consequence for unrelated, non-tech related misbehavior. When it comes to the device, everything should be outlined in that contract as to what types of behaviors, misbehaviors, or things are going to cause them to lose their technology. It can look something like this. The first thing you're going to do is the device usage and you're going to talk about, you're going to clarify which devices are allowed to be used and when and all of that. And then you're going to talk about your gaming or social media guidelines.

and then you're going to outline online privacy. What are the concerns around privacy that you need to emphasize and having a conversation about the risks and sharing personal information and all that. And then the next section is going to be on content consumption. So you're going to talk about what kinds of content is acceptable to you and what is not. Age appropriate, media, all those things. And then you might put in there some homework and productivity guidelines. So you might say, hey, you can use the device for educational purposes or you can use, you can do your gaming and other things as soon as your educational stuff is all done and your study time is done. Educational or also physical and health kinds of things you can put in there as well.

And then you want to have a little section in there about communication and making sure that you're encouraging open communication, talking about trust, and you're talking about the importance of getting back to mom and dad in a responsible time with messages or phone calls. And then you're going to put a section on consequences. So clearly outline the consequences for violating the terms of the contract. You want to be really specific whether you're going to give warnings or whether repeated violations will result in restricted access. And then you want to do a section on reviews and updates. So how often are you going to review their Google searches or how often are you going to check in on their phone and take a look at their social media accounts or whatever it is without being a spy? See, this really prevents you from being a spy. You're giving them the control, a lot of control while they're in the comfort of your home, under your roof and in your nest, right? But setting them up for independence and really having that conversation of trust that you're okay and that if something bad happens, you're going to come to me. Remember that the technology contract is a communication, a collaborative effort between you and your teenager. And again, you can simplify it for younger kiddos. It's supposed to build trust and it's supposed to be reciprocal. It's an opportunity for you to teach responsibility

and create autonomy and independence with your kiddo. Remember the three-step no problem parenting approach. Seek first to understand, prepare for the worst, and change the conversation. If you need help with that as it relates to technology with your kiddos, feel free to book a call with me.

There are options for 30-minute, 60-minute, and 90-minute strategy sessions. You can find those links in the show notes. For those of you who are eager to dig a little bit deeper into technology and safety, check out episodes 12, 13. And if you're looking for an alternative to screens, check out episode 24 where I talk with Drew Vernon from Tony's.

Now, stay tuned for our next week's Tech and Tuesday episode, where I'm going to talk more about the delicate balance of determining how much screen time is right for your kiddo. And there are general guidelines, of course, for that. But each child is different. Your situation is different.

So we're going to talk a little bit more about that. Until then, here's to becoming confident leaders for raising tech savvy and safe kiddos. All right, that's it for today's episode of the No Problem Parenting podcast. Hey, thanks guys for tuning in.

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Until next time, remember, your confidence comes from embracing both successes and setbacks. So take a deep breath, embrace the chaos, and remember, you got this. you