Hope Follows Unimaginable Hard Times with Special Guest Julie Kenzler

Digital Audio Health by Cymotrax. Welcome to the No Problem Parenting Podcast. Hey there, parents. Did you know there's a way to transform your kids' behavior?

That's right. I'm a parenting coach and strategist, and we're going to seek first to understand why your kids are behaving the way they are, so we can really go deeper with your own behaviors and what is happening in your relationship with your kiddos from the inside out to take the actions and steps necessary to problem solve and transform your parenting so that you can become the confident leader your kids crave you to be.

I promise you there is a solution for your parenting problems. Hey there, I'm Jackie Finnaman and after 30 years and more than 50,000 hours of working with countless kids and families ranging from the severe behaviors that required out-of-home placement to the, ah, she just doesn't listen to me anymore behaviors. There is a solution when you, the parent, feel confident. When you don't feel the need to rescue your kids and you aren't losing your cool and yelling all the time, your kid's behavior improves and your kids trust you.

They trust that no matter what they're going through, you are gonna help them get through it. No Problem Parenting supports and teaches parents how to be the best leader and advocate for your child. If you feel like no matter how nice you are or how strict you are, your kiddos are still struggling, it's time to get off the struggle bus and become the confident leader your kids craving to be. Join me on this journey of behavioral strategies and resources so that you can feel empowered as a parent again and turn your everyday parenting problems into no problem. All right, welcome back, No Problem Parents. Today's episode is all about finding hope in unimaginable hard times. My guest, Julie Kensler, is the author of the book Hope Follows and the host of the Hope Follows broadcast. And she's going to share with us her story of how she found hope. After losing her sister, Tammy, who was her best friend, the person she laughed and cried with and shared struggles with, celebrated victories together, Tammy was taken from their family because of a drunk driver. In the About section of Julie's website, she wrote,

I hate saying this, you guys. I hate all of it. But it happened, and it shook my whole life and my family. I was fragile. I cried daily. I shook until I didn't know if I could even breathe.

I miss my sister like you cannot even imagine. Well, Julie started a blog in April of 2015. Writing the blog, prayer, faith, support groups, counseling, and giving back to others is what helped Julie find hope again. She's on a mission to share the news about Hope Follows.

Julie says hope follows all the hard things we face in life. She's going to help us go beyond where we are right now to experience immeasurable joy that is rightfully yours. And she says God can take you to new heights you never imagined possible. Aside from being a cheerleader for hurting and discouraged people, Julie enjoys teaching a communications class to grades one through six.

I'm excited to have this conversation with Julie today about how she found hope and her hope follows mission. I had the privilege of being on your Hope Follows broadcast. So fun to have you here. Welcome to the show today.

Thank you. I have been looking forward to this. What inspired you to become a blogger and then eventually write the book Hope Follows and then start the TV show? Yes.

Well, in 2013, I lost my sister tragically to a drunk driver. And it was absolutely devastating, horrific, you name it. And the way I was able to get back on my feet again was spending about two years intense, what I call grief recovery. I went through grief support groups twice, the same one.

And then I had a counselor. I read so many books and I started writing a ton. And it was really helping me, yes, to work through my grief, but then other obstacles and struggles that I faced as a mom, as a wife, as a woman. And then it became a blog.

I had such great feedback from people and thought, I'm going to just turn this into a book. Took some of my favorite blogs, posts, and expanded them into chapters. and that's the book. Hope Follows, Reclaiming the Joy That Is Yours.

I feel like I have become the spokesperson for whatever it is you're facing and dealing with that's hard. There is hope. And after about two years working through all that, my youngest son, Evan, at the time, I think he was probably 10, eight, something like that. And he said, Mom, you seem more joyful lately. And I did, I felt like this, that feeling of where like, it was a physical, physiological, emotional, mental, spiritual feeling that God had given me this new joy. And I said, I am so happy, Evan, I don't know how this all happened, but I spent a lot of time in my grief recovery. And it's something you're always missing. I will always miss my sister. I will always be sad about that, but I'm able to live again a life that is filled with joy. My heart goes out to you. I have two sisters. I can't imagine what that's like to lose a sister, especially so young. I've lost my mom. You know,

she was my rock and really my best friend. And so, and she died when she was 56. My faith, our faith gets us through so often. Tell us how your book can help someone who has gone through sudden loss or change in their life where they're feeling like putting one foot in front of the other is just someday it's not possible. The book is, it's me sitting down with the reader as if we're having a cup of coffee. I'm very transparent. I mean, I really make people feel like I want them to feel like you're my new friend. It's authentic, inspirational. Yes, it's about grief. It's about loss, but it's other things too. It's about the uncomfortable moments we face, fear of missing out, fears in general, complacency, difficulty with your children and marriage, everything. And each chapter is a little bit of my story, something in my life that was hard, which it was all inspired because of the grief. And then adding in some humor and practicality to help the readers see, wow, I can see hope in that difficult time too.

My dad said a few years after my mom had passed, we were having just a really sad moment. I mean, We were both just, we could feel our grief and missing her thinking about memories. And then I don't remember what the, what happened exactly, but my dad, it was some kind of a joke or something tickled our funny bone. And we both started laughing through the tears and everything else.

And I said, oh, dad, how can you, you know, how can we be laughing at such a trick, you know, such a tough time. And he said, Jackie, without a sense of humor, tough in quotes is hard to live. So I do love that you add some humor and some, you know, some laughter and some lighthearted moments in there, because it is true that sometimes it's hard to think, how could we laugh or how could we be joyful or happy at a time like this?

And then you feel guilty. Right. And that's what I want people to get to a point is knowing that they have hope they can have joy again and not feel guilty about that. And oftentimes people will say if it is through something you're overcoming through grief, well, your loved one doesn't want you to be sad all the time. And I just don't buy into that.

Yes, of course, that's true. But this is about where I am now. And yes, my loved one is part of me. My sister Tammy is, I love the song for good. I think it's called from Wicked, the Broadway theater show. And it's all about you were in my life for good. Like I am who I am today because of you. And I am so thankful. And I live out my life with joy, even in the hardest, toughest moments, because I have my sister and others who have sowed so much love into me. And, and even right now, actually, I'm making a statement where I choose people who choose me. And my sister chose me every day. I was, I was really important to her. She was important to me. And, and I think that's where we need to get to a point where we are focusing on the people in our lives that we can share back and forth. And that's what I want to do to my reader. That's so amazing. Tell us a little bit about then how you came to having a TV show. You've got the book and that's out and published and then all of a sudden it's like, Hey, we should do a TV show.

Yes. Okay. Well, that happened quite a few years later. I was interviewed for my book. I don't know how it happened, but it was on the Holy spirit broadcasting network, HSBN TV.

And after the interview, the, the founder was actually producing this show and he had tears. This is a grown man, very experienced, strong, strong, pastor strong believer I mean just strong in his faith and he said I have never heard hope talked about that way I want you to think about having your own show and I thought oh really and everywhere I turned I prayed I asked people for their advice I would hear a song I'd hear a message at church on Sunday or on the radio everything was pointing to it's time to bring your message public. And so now hope follows the broadcast show, which is on Roku, Amazon, Fire, Apple TV. I mean, you name it, YouTube, Facebook, everything. It's all about me bringing a guest on who has faced a very challenging moment in their life. And we have all the topics you can imagine and then how they got through it. What is the hope that follows that struggle?

It is so cool. It is such a great idea. There is hope after tremendous pain and struggle. We can get through it. You know, people always say, oh, you'll get through it.

God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I'm not sure about that. I just recently did a show, a solo show about who's in your boat. And when really Jackie, When we have the right people in our boat with us and the right resources, God is giving us that boat filled with those people and those things.

And yes, we can get through it. It feels like you're sinking, right? But I love the stories people share. These are women who have had miscarriages, multiple, couldn't have a child, then they did.

We talk about marriage, divorce, loss of a child, addiction, depression. I mean, everything, all the struggles, job loss. And prayer has gotten you through. So for people that don't know you, let's talk a little bit about how, you know, you say that how important prayer is for you in your life.

And, you know, some people are better at praying than others. I know for myself, I grew up with, we had certain prayers that you read or you prayed during certain times or for certain things. But some people just have a way of being able to just pray and have like almost like a conversation with God. So can you talk a little bit about how prayer is important in your life and maybe how you began that journey of praying as a mom?

Yes, for sure. Well, prayer in my life was it is it's a conversation to me. And I know I have dear close friends and they're even afraid to pray in public. And there is that fear.

But for me, it just always has been part of a mealtime. And so mealtime prayer, okay, that was simple. But then to go beyond that is just part of my walk in my journey as a Christian and growing in my faith, getting to know God more and wanting to just have that conversation. So I could be praying in the car.

I mean, whatever it is, it's not perfect. It's just telling him how much I love him, my God, how much I love you. And here are things I am asking you for. And I am also thanking you for things.

There's just so much that goes into it. But my journey as a praying parent started with Moms in Prayer group. And that was, oh, wow, back when my kids, the ages of my kids now are 19, 22, 25, and 27, almost 28, actually. And I have one that's married.

It started off with this group. And it was at our school, the kids' school, every Friday we would sit down, moms in this little room that we had, and we were on the couch, on the floor, in a chair. And we were praying over the needs of the children at the school. It's a Christian school, and they have these boxes in their classrooms.

And it was just precious. Some of them were simple, that I do well on a test. I pray, pray for me and unmentionable. And that's something that they don't want to share. Somewhere deeper, pray for my grandparent who is struggling with addiction or struggling with cancer.

and and so praying for those needs but then each of us moms would pray for each of our children and then a mom would start to pray for your child and it just became such a powerful time and something I I needed more and more well as my children grew out of that school and onto to other schools, then I just had to go ahead and continue praying for them and really be diligent. And I have the greatest books to help guide us mothers in prayer and fathers. Stormy O'Martian, and I hope I say her name correctly, but The Power of a Praying Parent is the best book, in my opinion, besides the Bible itself, of finding great places, great topics on what to pray over our children. And Stormy shares scripture to pray over them. And many times when I didn't know how to pray for a problem with my child, I would just open up this book and I would look at,

oh, let's see, receiving a sound mind. Yes, my child is struggling in this area. their desire to learn. They're really struggling. I need them to want to learn.

Then as they grew up, she has the book, The Power of a Praying Parent for Your Adult Children. And her prayer books are for marriages and all kinds of different types of varieties of our live. Stormy, S-T-O-R-M-I-E, O-M-A-R-T-I-A-N. The power of a praying parent is the original.

And she has it also for your adult children. She has it for the power of a praying wife, power of a praying husband. Okay. And so getting back to your book, Hope Follows, Can you describe what the reader is going to learn in your book?

Yes. So I have different struggles or different challenges. And it's funny. I mean, I could just be in the grocery store and then God will just give me this story.

And it's really clever. It's a clever way. Oh, remember when this happened and try to connect that to this creative idea God just gave you, put it together, and then come up with something to help a person reading this blog, this book, and help them see, oh, wow, that really was inspiring. That helped me believe in myself.

At the end of each chapter, I have hope follows and what the chapter was about. Hope follows serving others. Hope follows forgotten passions. Hope follows loneliness.

And then I have a big idea at the end of each chapter, which gives the reader something practical to do giving to others in our community. Let's see, taking fruit and cookies to the local fire station and police station. That's such a great idea. Yeah, and I, because I want it to be about when we give to others, when we do things for others, it's hard to have a heart that's uneasy, a heart that's depressed, a mind that is anxious. It helps us a little bit.

From my own experience, I think reflecting on my mom and she married my father who had two daughters. My mom ended up adopting them and raising them. I came along and this is back in the late 60s, in the mid to late 60s. And it wasn't a time where blended families was the most common. And there was not help for the struggling new mom or new dad who is just suddenly have these extra children and dealing with as a step parent. There wasn't the powerful support we have today. And I know my mom struggled with that a lot and not feeling as valued and not is important. And she would get very offended easily. And it was something she couldn't admit that she made a mistake. It would oftentimes our holidays would be just a real, it would be sad.

It would be really interrupted and almost like fights and disagreements. And I just remember seeing that I understand where she was and I feel bad she didn't have better support. And I also want to recognize I'm not going to get easily offended. And I think when we can see the mistakes of our parents, which I'm sure my kids see my mistakes, and how can we go forward and determine, okay, I don't want to carry that on into my parenting.

And I've been very open. Whenever I make a mistake, I will admit it. today and especially when they were kids teaching them about forgiveness apologies and say sorry and and I don't want my kids to say oh it's okay mom and I'm sure you agree with that no just accept my apology and forgive me because it wasn't okay that I hurt your feelings or that I did that or didn't do that and and so for um now as my adult children I, I have to be very humble and, and accept that there are things I'm probably doing or saying that they don't like, and I will tell them, please tell me, I will not be offended. I will not be hurt, but I want to keep the communication open because I want a healthy relationship with you.

Mm-hmm. Yes. And one of trust. And, um, so I want to go back to what you said about saying, sorry, as a parent, it is sometimes hard to apologize when we've messed up to our kids, because we feel like if we do, they might, you know, take it for all it's worth and try to get us feeling guilty and then maybe get away with a few things or, you know, but that's just, I mean, that's not going to happen if you don't allow it, but it doesn't, it's not an excuse for not apologizing to your kids. So, and it's the best way to role model an apology. So I know, I think we talked about this when I was on your show, that I love to use the make it right technique. So not just saying, sorry, or I'm sorry, but actually what can I do to make it up to you? Or what can I do to make it right? And when you say, you know, that your kids would say,

oh, it's okay, mom, you know, my son would do the same thing. And I would say, Andrew, It's really not. I know, you know, he was, he was like, I just, he was understanding, you know, he was being understanding and saying, you know, mom, it's all right. I get it.

And I was wanting to let him know, and it's, it's not okay. And I will make it right. And then thank you for your forgiveness, but that we can apologize. And we want to, we want to model that so that when they get older too, it's not so hard to say you're sorry when you've messed up.

Especially when they get married. Oh, for sure. Or they're in their job and they've messed up. And we have to, I mean, that's real.

It's important to be honest and open with your employer, with your spouse. It can be one of the hardest things to do. And yet one of the best things for a relationship and the courage that comes with that. And it's just absolutely beautiful when you can have a reciprocal apology where there is forgiveness at the end.

All right. Well, Julie, I know we need to wrap up because you're in the middle of your day. You're also teaching kids communication class. And so you've been gracious enough to take a little break on your lunch break and meet with me today.

So we talked about your book, Hope Follows, and the TV show. But you also have a compilation book that you've been a part of. And you'll be in volume two of my No Problem Parenting book. But tell us a little bit about this new book, Lemonade Stand.

Yes, the Lemonade Stand is a series of books by Michelle Faust. And I'm in book number three, the Lemonade Stand three, the path from sour to sweet. There are stories in there. There's, I believe, 11 of us authors, 11 people, just regular everyday people, and a very difficult, challenging time in their life and how they went from sour to sweet.

And my story is about my sister and losing her and then the Hope Follows movement and all I'm doing there. And my chapter is called Chasing Hope. There are other stories in there that I just treasure so close to my heart because I got to know all these authors over a year. and there's just such a variety of stories and difficult times people face and I love how Michelle the author brings people to share their story just like I do with Hope Follows show and it's a beautiful way for them to continue healing it's a place for them to share their story but a great connecting tool to others who need that encouragement there needs to be a bright light in our dark days. And you definitely are that Julie, you are one of those people. I'm so grateful to have been connected with you to have been on your show and to have you on mine now.

And I just encourage parents to go follow you to check you out, check out your show, hope follows.com. That's where you can find all the information, links to Instagram and Facebook. And all of that will be in the show notes of today's episode. Parents, if you're looking for hope in your dark days, I just highly encourage you to reach out to Julie. So thank you so much for being with me today, Julie. Thank you, Jackie. I just enjoy talking with you and do this for hours with you. All right, parents, that's it for today. Make sure you head over to the website, no problem. Parents.com sign up to get our emails. We're going to be giving away tips, tools, techniques, and resources, updates on podcast episodes, round table events, and more.

Check out noproblemparents.com. For now, hugs and high fives. You got this.