Protecting our kids from online dangers with special guest Sarah Siegand of Parents Who Fight

Welcome back to the No Problem Parenting Podcast, where we choose to deal with and overcome the behavior challenges in our home. I'm Jackie Finnaman, 30-year counselor turned parent coach, and I've created this podcast so that I can share tips, tools, techniques, and strategies with you so that you can improve the relationships in your home. And another benefit of this podcast is that I can share resources with you.

And today we have a special resource, a very special guest, Miss Sarah Segan. She's here to talk all things technology and protecting our kids online. Sarah is a wife and mom of two active boys, ages 14 and 17, living in Nashville, Tennessee. In 2015, she and her husband, Jesse, started an online safety campaign called Parents Who Fight to help parents protect kids from online dangers.

They support parents and schools through workshops and in-home consultations, providing resources, tools, and hands-on help for digital wellness and safety. Sarah and Jesse were also featured voices in the recent groundbreaking documentary, Childhood 2.0. Whether you're just thinking about getting an iPad or a gaming device or something for your child, or you've already had those devices and your child's been interactive online with social media, gaming, all the things, this podcast is going to give you so many free tips, free resources, so that you can protect your kiddos online.

Stay tuned, folks. You are not going to want to miss this episode. So welcome to the show, Sarah. I am so excited to have you with us today.

And just want to start out by talking a little bit about your background, how you started Parents Who Fight, and a little bit more about you. All right. Well, thank you so much for having me. It's wonderful to meet people who are fighting for families. I love it. So I am a mom. I have a 17 year old and a 14 year old.

And way back in the day when they were in elementary school, my husband and I were starting to catch wind of them relaying information to us about things that kids were saying on the playground. And we were like, dang, like these kids are getting exposed to some pretty crazy stuff. And eventually something really specific was relayed to us that we knew that came from a kid who had seen pornography, whether he was shown pornography or stumbled upon it accidentally, it was incredibly graphic and it actually prompted some needed next steps to let counselors know.

And so that was sort of the genesis of the wake up moment of like, oh, our kids are not too young to be exposed to some of these digital dangers. And I think we had our home pretty well locked down and we were very minimalist with technology. So we didn't have much, but that prompted us reaching out to our school principal and just asking if we could in any way help him equip parents to protect their kids. And at that point, the specific concern was pornography because he had caught wind of several things at the elementary school.

So that prompted us reaching out to our principal and asking if we could help him equip parents at our school to protect their kids online and really just give some awareness things that we had learned, but also some technology solutions, because that was something that we had already actively enforced in our home. And so we felt like we had some things to share. And that first meeting happened in 2015. And we really didn't intend for Parents Who Fight to go any further than that. We kind of came up with that name just to sort of have something a little bit snappier to invite people to than just the workshop for parents.

And so we started immediately getting requests from other churches and schools and Boy Scout groups and on and on, just to provide parents with some basic information about protecting their kids. So we've been doing this now for over six years and really just doing it kind of like the side hustle thing, both still working, but wanting to equip our immediate community. So the schools here in Nashville, where we live, churches here, but then, you know, expanding out to really almost anybody who reaches out to us, we will, you know, find a way to equip their family, their church, their school with the tools that they need to protect kids.

That is so cool. So just because of your situation at home with your kiddos, you decided to research it and figure all these things out for yourselves or your family. And now you're just open and willing to share that with. Yeah, I just, I guess I didn't realize how many things that were, that seemed common knowledge to me, like, oh, you do this. The other parents were like, I have no idea what, what are you talking about? And so, you know, technology is overwhelming. It's very intimidating.

and I don't consider myself a technology expert. My husband is really the tech expert in our home, but I love to learn about it. I love to protect kids. So I have done a lot of research to learn the things that I've learned. And when I come across parents that don't know those things, it's my joy to give them that gift of what I have learned and help them in their journey.

The thing that has changed about how we approach even our presentations at schools or churches nowadays is we are not having to spend time convincing parents there's a problem. At the beginning, that people were like, well, is it really that bad? You know, my kid doesn't have that much access. And now parents are like, oh my gosh, help me.

So I think parents realize there is a problem. And I would say the very first strategy that any parent can do for free, and it is difficult, is just going gradually as your kids age and being really sober minded when it comes to adding a new piece of technology into your home. you know, when smart TVs came out and everybody was like, ah, getting smart TV. We were like, nope, we're not ready for that because we didn't know how to protect it. And so just having a few more almost like suspicions about technology, like, wait, what, what does that do? You know, it's like, we try to be really gradual, really slow, slower than feels comfortable, honestly.

Like if your kids are chomping at the bit going, I don't have this. You're like doing something right. Like, yay, mom and dad. We're not giving them every new thing that comes around the bend.

That, you know, that phrase of like, this is a family device. Like if you have three kids, they don't all need iPads. You know, when they're young, like this is our family iPad. So just going slow, being really intentional.

That's, that's job number one for every parent, no matter your kid's age. But then there are a few things that come into what we would call like next level enterprise for the phased in approach, and they won't surprise you. So the introduction of a smartphone, the introduction of social media, and the introduction of gaming. And I would just love to encourage every parent out there to make delaying those things part of your overall strategy.

Now, that's hard when you have a lot of kids in a huge age span, right? So we have friends who have 17-year-olds and 4-year-olds. That's hard. There are strategies and there are ways that you can know for your family, how could we delay this for our youngest kid while not keeping our oldest kid, you know, so young?

Because we do need to provide that ramp for our oldest kids. I have a kid who's, you know, going to be launching in a couple of years here. And I want his first experiences on social media to be in the comfort and guidance of our home, not on a college campus. So I need to give him a rant for that, right?

So how do I, how do I do that? How do I span it? So first of all, just delaying whatever you can. So for example, with gaming, you know, there are parental control settings in every game console.

It doesn't really matter which one anymore. And those parental control settings will allow you to say, oh, my kid is eight and they can't play any games that are rated E10 or up. They're only going to play E. And that can be a very tricky thing when your kids are like, everyone's talking about Fortnite and they're in elementary school and they just want to do it, you know.

For us, that was a sticking point was like, you can play multiplayer games, what we call them. When you're 13, play a multiplayer game. And that was really hard for our youngest kid, but he did it. He actually had a really great attitude. And when he turned 13, we had a big Fortnite birthday party and all of his friends came over and they just went crazy. So, you know, just being mindful of like, okay, my kid's interested in gaming. We're going to wait as long as we can. That makes sense. We're going to keep them on a kid account. Don't set your kid up on a parental account, a kid account that can have time restrictions on and on. When you're looking at a smartphone, you know, for us, a smartphone was something we felt like for our kids,

they can wait till high school. Like I take them to and from school every day. You know, they, we're not in a split home situation where we've got, you know, kids having half custody here and have custody there. There are certainly situations where parents are like, I need tools, you know, to help manage my family. And we don't discount that at all. So it's delaying it until it makes sense not to delay it anymore. And one great middle of the road solution and strategy that we found was a phone called a Gab wireless phone. And that's what our middle schooler has had.

And it basically looks like a smartphone, but it's a dumb phone and doesn't have access to the internet, doesn't have wifi, doesn't have apps. You can call people, you can text, you can take pictures. Your parents can decide if you have the kind of plan that sends the picture or doesn't send the picture, or if you have group texting or not group texting. So whatever age fits your kid, they can listen to music. They have a calendar, you know, you're teaching them the productivity things first, like walk before you run. Oh, I love that. I didn't even know that was an option.

Yes, that is called the Gab wireless phone, gabwireless.com. Every parent needs to know about it. If you put in our promo code PWF, it saves you anywhere between five and 20 bucks, depending on what specials are running. But it's a phone that's under 100 bucks. And it's a great solution for families that are wanting to delay.

So that's one strategy. Social media for delaying. We feel like social media is really only suitable for kids who are high school and up. And honestly, we are getting ready to have two high schoolers, a junior and a freshman.

are junior, we have set up like, okay, by the beginning of junior year, something he wants to be involved in and he wants to influence his peers in a positive way would potentially necessitate some social media use. And so we've talked about, all right, this summer is your last little bit of proving ground. And we're looking for areas of responsibility and accountability. And then when we do set up those social media accounts, we're going to know the profile names and account numbers. We're going to have time restrictions set up. It's going to be used in an open space at first. And we're going to use a solution that is going to monitor that profile for problematic activity. Not every, you know, nook and cranny of usage, but things that are alarming. And so for us,

that's the solution. Bark. We love the company Bark and they monitor tons of social media apps. And we'll talk about the vulnerabilities that go into social media in just a minute, but we feel like social media is best for high school, but at a minimum, we're beating this drum till every parent here is not before 13 ever, not for any reason, not before 13. And here's the reason why, because when you sign up for an account, all social media profiles will require you to be 13.

If you're interacting with other users and if they cannot legally, these companies can't collect data on a child younger than 13. So in order to open an account, they have to have a 13 and up birthday. And if they don't have that, they're lying about their age. So that's problematic philosophically because the first thing you're doing on social media is lying. Not great, but it's also problematic because kids may use any kind of birthday. They could say they're 42, you know, and the companies are, there are some instances where they are age gating certain content. And so what that means is if Instagram thinks your kid is 21, then your kid is going to get a content push to them. That is things like tobacco and alcohol. If they're, if Instagram thinks they're over 18, then sexually things that are considered sexually charged or, or I can't remember the exact language. It's not explicit because supposedly Instagram doesn't have explicit,

but that's a lie. But they won't push things to your kid that are within that age. So signing up with your actual birth date is really important. And social media just opens up so many doors to dark things that parents may not realize. So it's not just, you know, pornography, it is access to other people, it is, you know, suicidal content, self harm, eating disorders, all bullying, all of those things are doors that open that are very difficult to shut. And so you want to be sure your kid is ready to walk through those doors with some resilience, with some plans of what happens if somebody contacts me or I see something that makes me uncomfortable, you really get your kid ready for that phase. So that's next level. And I love in childhood 2.0, which is a documentary that we were honored to be part of. It's completely free. You can watch it online. And I would recommend any parent who's like, is my kid ready for social media? Watch Childhood 2.0 because not only does it show you the very real nature of what kids are facing in social media, but you actually hear from the teenagers themselves about kind of when their innocence sort of got tainted by the things that they were exposed to and what vulnerabilities they've experienced. And I think that teen voice is just so important for us as parents to listen to them and to hear their firsthand account of, yeah, this is what I encounter. And so that we can understand our kids

have to be ready for that. And nobody knows if your kid is ready better than an engaged parent. So that's, that's, that's so great. So we're going to put the link in the show notes for that documentary as well. Yeah. Awesome. And then beyond all of those delaying strategies, you have technology strategies to help us because as a parent, there's a lot to get your arms around. I mean, technology is all around us now.

So things like having a Wi-Fi filter or a router that has parental controls, something that's going to hit every internet connected device in your home and help you to customize what they have access to, what kind of time limits are there, when does the device shut off, all those things. As well as using now, there's way more solutions now than when we first started. So if you have an Apple device, you have Apple's screen time tools available to you.

And if you set up your kid under you as a parent in family sharing, then you can control what they have access to from your device anywhere in the world as long as you both are connected to the internet. Same similar situation with Google Family Link for Android devices. So we do have a lot more technology available to us as parents now to be able to shut and lock certain doors. And there's really no excuse not to do it because so many of those solutions are honestly free and at your fingertips.

So we have to dive into those tech strategies as well. Yeah, it's just amazing how many of us just don't know that they're available. You know, you get an iPhone and you're like, okay, I'm doing all the things I need to do with it. And then you're like, oh, I didn't even know that there were all these other options.

Like who reads the manual? Yeah, the customizations are almost endless. And so it can be very overwhelming. That's why, you know, it's so great when your kid is ready for the iPhone. It's like, start them really narrow, you know, don't give them everything up top. Like our kid knew the first year you get no games on your phone, you get just a few apps.

I know what they are. I gave you permission to download them so that you can learn what are the problems with that small amount of things, right? And what can I do about it? And then honestly, it's almost like, is your kid ready for a smartphone? It's like, are you as a parent ready? What has kept Parents Who Fight alive is us just coming alongside parents and showing them, you know, how to function in this role. Here are some things that you can do. And, you know, we love it when parents are like, okay, this is my problem. I have this kid and he needs to do, be able to do this, but I don't want him to do this. And what are my options? And then we will think on it. We'll research, we'll reach out to people and come back to that family with, you know,

some solutions. And it's like, that, that is one great thing about how much customization is out there is we don't all have to live with one narrow thing that really doesn't serve your family well. It's like, okay, here are my, here are my kids and my devices, my unique situation. Here's what our goals are and what will get us to those goals.

And we love helping families come up with that unique strategy that fits them. Yeah. I love that about you too, because like with my no problem parenting, that's what we don't judge, you know, your situation, your parenting is your business and your morals and your values and beliefs, your business. I'm here to help work with you where you're at.

Right. not just do some cookie cutter approach. So I love that about parents who fight as well. That's your kind of your model. You might have your like ideas about, you know, what you've done with your kids, but you'll work with parents on what fits for them. So, and I think that's, what's great about, you know, as my kids have gotten older, I think there were times where I'm like, Oh, not ready for them to have more technology, but learning it and learning how to help them function well has given me that perspective where maybe when they were younger, my approach would have been just don't do it. They don't need it. What, what, you know, just don't do it. And it was more like abstinence only, you know, approach technology. But as our kids have grown, I've had to learn where to give the grace and can I bend on this, you know, for this kid who is incredibly social and still teach them how to do it well and what accountability exists. So it's like,

it's an exercise in flexibility, honestly, and working with so many different families and seeing at, you know, all kids are different. They can all handle different things at different ages. And how do we help them learn how to use technology well with their strengths and weaknesses that may be different than another kid's strengths and weaknesses? Absolutely. Okay. So then what vulnerabilities, can we get into that next?

Yeah. So a couple rise to the top frequently in parents who reach out to us. And one of that is just app technology and parents really understanding the function of an app and the way an app, apps themselves are designed. Every single app is, it's a castle, it's a fortress, it's proprietary software and so what that means is you know parents will say well how can I you know filter Instagram let's say so that my kid doesn't see x y or z and it's like nope Instagram's an app you can't tell Instagram what to show your kid your kid has Instagram they can see anything and teaching parents that you know it's like the analogy of the castle so you're not going to be able to go, you know, in and out that front door and take things out and rearrange the furniture and that castle doesn't belong to you. The only thing you can do is fly a drone over the top of the castle and you will be able to see anything that's in plain sight. But you won't be able to see things that are locked in the dungeon. So one of those drones is the app I mentioned earlier bark, and that will scan through various parts of social media or your kids texting or their email and say, Oh, we noticed suicidal discussion, or we noticed profanity or some sexual. That is so great. I just, I just got to pause you for a minute. So there's an app that does that versus you having to get their phone at night when they're sleeping and hopefully they

didn't change the password, right? Passcode. And then you're, you know, like stalking their social media or whatever. It becomes a lot to go through. And, you know, certainly there are times where that is warranted. When you have an at-risk kid or you're in an at-risk crisis situation, there's nothing wrong with mom and dad saying what is going on. That's part of your responsibility as a parent. But on an ongoing basis, that is very difficult to maintain. And it doesn't help your kid learn how to fail well, right? And so what I love is when my kid will say to me, hey mom I you know listened to this song like when he was using Spotify a lot I listened to the song and there was something really graphic in it and I know it's going to show up I'm I know you're going to get notified by Bark and I just wanted to let you know that you know I'm aware of it I'm not going to listen to it again and you know I don't think he's worried about getting in trouble in that moment as much as he's really worried about like I don't want you to think that I am the kind of person that would enjoy that sort of song, you know, and he's thinking, gosh, what does this say about me? And, you know, the kids, well, there's several kids in our, our friend group, but whose parents use bark. And so somebody will say something, you know, really funny about like, you know, do, can cats have an eating disorder? Do they ever eat just to make themselves

throw up? And then everyone's like, that's going to get on the bark report. It does become funny, but it's like, it's really helping to train your kids for independence as an adult and all training requires supervision is what my phrase from the beginning has been. When I was a Walmart cashier, you know, I was supervised when I learned how to count that cash drawer. I had, somebody had to make sure I knew what I was doing before I was trusted to do it without them watching. And that is the goal of that, those adolescent years, especially. So yeah, apps can be an incredible vulnerability. A lot of us know that there are bad things in apps, but they can be sneaky because they all have these back doors to browsers. So like something that has come up before is an app that seems incredibly innocent, like shop. And that is something where you can track your package and get a notification when it arrives. And there seems to be nothing problematic about it, except that you can also search for other online shops, including shops that sell sex dolls, let's say,

and then you can click on a link to go to their website and review all this stuff. And all of that is happening inside the castle. So if you even if you use something like Bark, it may not catch it. And you can only rely on certain monitoring features to catch something like that. So apps can be very sneaky. A lot of them can have ads that you wouldn't imagine. Like a four age four plus coloring app could have an ad in it to online dating or some sort of hookup app, you know, to download. So there, there are lots of things that parents just need to be when my kid is asking, can I get this app? Don't just be like, Oh, that's probably sounds fine. You know, read the reviews.

Can users interact on that? Like there's an app called Flow that's meant to track your menstrual cycle as a woman. And so young girls, you're like, you know, excited about using technology to track this. But there's a discussion board where there's lots of discussion about pornography and masturbation and your kid is maybe not ready for that.

And you have no control over how graphic that's going to be. So just knowing like, does this app, what other things could my kid get to in this app? And is my kid able to withstand the temptation to be sucked in by any of those things? So user to user interaction or a discovery page.

We had a Photoshop app in our home downloaded at one point until we realized that, oh, there's some sort of explore feature. And somebody was uploading images that they created with a lot of skill that were just two graphics. They were sexually graphic. And so that was like, okay, now, now that's not an app.

We need to delete the app, but aha, here's another app vulnerability. You have an iPhone device or I'm sorry, Apple device. So an iPhone or an iPad, once your kid has downloaded that app, even if they had to ask you permission, you had to put in a passcode and all the things once they've downloaded it, they don't ever have to ask permission again. So I deleted that Photoshop app that was on our device. But after I deleted it, I had to go in and set a time limit to one minute so that that kid in a moment of weakness doesn't go, I really want to look at that picture again. I'm curious, which is normal. It's totally normal to be like, oh, that picture. I'm so curious about it. We don't want them to go to the app store and download that app again. So my options I knew were turn off the app store, which is totally appropriate if you have young kids,

but if you have a 17 year old, you know, you, they might need the app store for things that are legitimate. And so, okay, I can turn off the app store. I can set one minute because I know that apps can be redownloaded. So parents may not realize that, you know, just that your kid can get back to apps that you thought you got rid of or they can hide apps. They can change the icon and they can put it on a third page that you don't realize exists on their phone, you know?

So apps, apps, apps, apps, apps are the biggest problem when it comes to technology because they all function differently and they can pretty much do whatever they want. And even like the great drone technology, like I say with Bark, Bark has different limitations for Apple versus Android. So Android users, their kids could have their content droned or surveyed by Bark looking for problematic activity on things like Snapchat, TikTok, and Discord.

But if you have an Apple user and you want to use that same Bark technology, Apple has said, no, we are not allowing Bark to have access to those apps. So for us, when our kid was finally ready for a smartphone entering high school, it was like, you can have an iPhone with no hope of social media right now, because we knew that social media apps are limited in what Bark can look for on an iPhone. Or you can have an Android if you want any hope of social media in the next year or two.

And he chose iPhone. So it was like, okay, well, then this social media is not on the table until, you know, you're at least a junior. And that's something parents just may not know. So they're like, oh, I've got my kid an iPhone.

Then a year into it, they're like, why? So maybe that's something you need to consider. Should your kid have an Android because of their age and stage? If you want to monitor more, then that might be the best fit for you because of apps and app technology.

It's not always a matter of trust. Sometimes it's trust, but then sometimes it's more like, I just don't want them to even have to deal with it to see some of that stuff, to have to make those decisions. Yeah. Not like you're overprotecting or anything, but it's just like, it can be such a hassle. And I think it can create suspicions or arguments prematurely or unnecessarily maybe drama in a lot of kids' lives. And it's so funny because our kid was going to a new high school. So that in and of itself, you know, he doesn't have a lot of friends and they're, you're thinking, are they going to be accepted not having social media? And he said overwhelmingly when people were like, oh, what's your insta what's your snap and he's like oh i don't have social media overwhelmingly they people would say things like you're so lucky that's awesome because they feel more burdened by it than we realize and so that yeah it's not just protecting them from oh you're gonna be you know contacted by a predator it's dangerous it's like in some ways it's just really helping them to have boundaries around drama or, you know, needless distraction, all those things should just be considered when you're coming up with a plan with your kid for what do those next level enterprises look like for you? What serves you best? And, you know, like I said, for us, we're like,

we're not going to say you can't have social media before college because we know that kid will probably have a learning curve ahead with some failures. And we want to be here to help him navigate that. You have to be able to know, is this actually something that I am able to use as a tool? Does it serve our family well?

Or does it create anxiety? Depends on how respectful and responsible they are at whatever age or stage in their life. And the app or the solution to a problem should never create more problems. create more problems, then we need to reevaluate the solution. There's probably a different way to go. Yes. But there are a couple other fundamentals that I would love to share because the, uh, this one especially is like the silver bullet. Parents are always like, that has changed my life. It's a hundred percent free. And most people, if you have a Google account at all, you have access to it. And so this is, it's kind of two things in one. So for the first part of it is Google safe search. And this is a safety feature that is available on your computer, on your phone,

whatever. It's a tiny check mark at the top of your preferences page. So you get to it by going to google.com slash preferences while you're signed in. So that's if you want to put it on your Gmail profile. If your kid has a Gmail or Google profile, you sign in as them and you go to google.com slash preferences. And here's the difference that tiny check mark makes. And I tell this story all the time. A friend of mine shared with me, her niece was doing a report on dogs and she Googled fat dogs and the search image results was just entire pages of male genitalia.

And that little girl was not prepared for that. So when you have the check mark checked for safe search, you truly get dogs that are overweight. That is how big of a difference that check mark makes. And kids are Googling so many things.

And, you know, if you have a young kid, you can certainly use a kid safe search engine like Kittle.co. But when they are in high school and whatever, you know, they are going to Google things for class, research and whatever. and safe search makes a big difference. It's a hundred percent free. Y'all already have it. So use it. And then another feature on Google that is extremely helpful. This is the silver bullet.

One is something called the, my activity page. I literally used it today. And what that does is people are probably familiar with your browser history and your kids deleting their browser history and that being a problem. Well, if your kids are signed in on Google, if they are Googling things, if they're looking at things on YouTube, it not only shows up on a log on a browser history, but actually gets logged onto this thing called a My Activity page. And you can literally Google myactivity.com slash Google, and it'll pull up not only what it is and how to access it. It's very simple. But while I'm signed in as my kid, I can go to the My Activity page and I can see everything they've asked Google that day, all the YouTube things. I can see how much of the YouTube video they've watched. And that is not something I use every single day to look at all their stuff. But when something comes up on my Bark report, we also use Covenant Eyes. So I get a report on that. I will go to my activity and I'll just take a look. Okay. That seems like that that is happening on, let's say the bus ride home, or that is happening during lunch,

or that is happening when I walked the dog. And then it prompts a context for conversation for your kid, especially if they're looking up stuff that is, you know, problematic as far as like leading to addictive patterns, if they're looking at sexually inappropriate things or whatever, then you can say, Hey, I noticed fill in the blank. What's up? I noticed you watching a lot of anime on YouTube. What's up? Because they may not realize that anime has lots of links and overtones to pornography, or they may have found themselves on a page that they did not intend to be on. And you need to know what was at the very front of that. I remember when my kids were little, there was a situation that happened with searching for a really unique lego character you could only get in this really expensive set they knew they were never going to get and so they were like basically trying to find lego characters on the black market it kind of turned out and they ended up on all these gaming websites that had links to really dark and dangerous parts on the internet so then that was a huge teaching moment for me as a parent and for them of like okay so when you want to Google something, let's set, I think that's really where we started setting up, like, let's make sure we're using a kid safe search engine. That's not going to lead you to someplace like that. So my activity is just a really good way to survey and get for free a landscape of what

just happened, you know, and I usually use it when there's a breach. I'll try to check in here and there. And sometimes it's funny because you'll find things like, what is, you'll find your kids Googling things like, what is North Carolina blue? And I'm wondering, why do they want to know what North Carolina blue is? Well, it's because this girl that they're interested in said her favorite color is North Carolina blue, but not every blue, North Carolina blue. So then I'm like, okay. All right. So now I'm getting more information from my kid about what's happening in his daily life.

and I may or may not ask about that but eventually he told me and I knew I knew where that conversation I knew where it was coming from you know so it's a tool you can use if you're like my kids deleting their browser history it's all still on the my activity page now they can delete their my activity history most kids don't know that I I haven't come across a kid who knows that yet and so if your kid is deleting browser history or there's you're like what is happening what's going on and to fill in some blanks, myactivity.com slash Google, or maybe it's myactivity.com. That's probably what it is. Parents will want to come to us to help deal with the sneaky parts of their kid's heart.

And I'm like, Nope, I help you lock down iPhones, go to a professional to deal with your kid's heart. And that's why I'm so glad that we connected and we met each other because I love to work on that part of the problem. Right. And don't have a clue about this other stuff. Although now I'm learning and you can bet I'm checking all of these, all of these resources out. I'm just so grateful that there's people like you out there who are helping parents that are kind of clueless in that area.

Like I am not so that we can constantly be harping on our kids or, you know, helicopter parenting them, but that we can just really be protecting them. And I love that you talk about that gradual, like start when they're younger and then just easing into it and gradually opening up the responsibilities. I mean, even if you think about the analogy of teaching your kid how to drive, Where did it start? It started with them strapped into a five-point harness in your back seat.

That's when they first learned what red, yellow, and green mean on the stoplight. You know, their life is learning about those safety measures. So think about if you had never ridden in a car or if you had never driven a car and you were trying to teach your kid how to drive safely, that'd be very difficult. So parents really just need a little bit of experience to get their arms around all this technology stuff, not again, so you can monitor their every move, but so that you can feel confident in knowing I am giving my kid a tool that I know how to train them with and that this tool will not overtake their life, but they'll use this tool to better the world and to better serve their purposes because it can be a tool,

but we are in process and we do have that objective. So the things that we are trying to allow and monitor and get our arms around in our home, they all have to come up against that. Does this serve your purpose? And if it doesn't, well, then let's talk about why it's needed. And it's not like some things just can't be fun, but we have to be intentional about it.

So it's never a blanket yes. You know, my kids know they don't come to me and say, hey, can I get this? Mom and dad, do you think we could consider, you know, our kids are starting to ask, can we consider getting a smart TV? Because we don't have one yet.

It's the last, this is the last domino to fall. Because they are frustrated that there's so much what they call lag input between our old TV and their Xbox. and it's like, oh, really? I don't want to.

But at this stage versus five years ago when they were asking, I do know how to protect it. And so I have to come up against is my no serving, is it just about me saying no? Or can I reevaluate and say, our kids are in a responsible place to understand the dangers. We've done the work.

and will it give them joy to not have lag input, something I don't care about, then we probably should at least consider it. You know, we prayerfully consider all of these things and we don't want to just say no to say no or say yes to get you off my case. Just being deliberate and intentional and it's exhausting. It's a lot of work, but you find your people who are going to, you know, hold you up when you're feeling like, I don't want one more technology thing to solve.

It's becoming more normal for parents to say, to take a more measured pace with the technology they're bringing into their kids' lives. So we have a website, parentswhofight.com. You could reach out on any of our social media platforms, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook by just searching parents who fight can send us a message. Their parents do all the time. Like, Hey, I'm looking for a thing to do this. What do you got? And we love answering those questions. So those would be the main ways to reach us. We'd love to hear from you. Excellent. Oh my gosh. Okay. So great.

I'm so glad that we connected and thank you, Sarah, so much for being on the podcast today. Parents make sure you reach out with your questions about how to protect your kids, no matter what age they're at, no matter how deep into it you've already gotten and maybe you've taken the technology away and you're like, how do I reintroduce this and get my kids back into it? Be sure to go to parentswhofight.com.

If nothing else, reach out, get in touch with Sarah. Sounds good. Thank you. Thanks again for listening, parents.

Please share this episode with your friends, family, your schools, daycare providers, anyone that is supervising your children while they're online. We need to protect our kids online. There are so many dangers and so many times we end up in parenting battles about technology. And so I'll be doing another episode about how to kind of deal with the behavior side of technology. But I want to thank Sarah so much for being here today and providing us with all these resources. Check out the show notes where I have all of Sarah's links and including the groundbreaking documentary called Childhood 2.0.

All right. Hugs and high fives, Jackie.