Introducing Jaci & Remembering the Pause

Hey there parents, welcome to the No Problem Parenting podcast where we turn any parenting problem into a no problem. I'm Jackie Finneman, your host, parenting strategist, and founder of No Problem Parenting. If you're feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, or just plain stuck in the never ending cycle of behavioral struggles, you're in the right place. Here's the deal. I believe you are the leader your kids crave you to be. And that means that parenting isn't about perfection.

It's about confidence. It's about having practical, no-nonsense strategies so that you can handle any challenge without second-guessing yourself. So let's get real, let's get practical, and let's start turning any problem you're facing right now into a no problem. Are you ready to become the confident leader your kids crave you to be?

Are you losing your crap on your kids, yelling, giving in, and exhausted at the end of every day? You are already a good parent, and I'm sure you've sought advice from friends or family. You've read books on your child's specific behavior problem. Maybe you've even signed them up to see the school counselor or an outpatient therapist.

But despite your efforts to find the right person or thing that will help, your family is still struggling. You're tired of pretending everything's okay. Well, if your confidence is shot and you feel like you're failing your kids, but you also don't have a ton of time or money, register to become a No Problem Parent. It comes with an app so you can listen to the tips and tools just like you're listening to this podcast.

You can start building confidence in your parenting immediately, whether your child is a toddler or all grown up and still living in your house. Don't make this parenting gig harder than it needs to be. Become a No Problem Parent today. All right, now, since this is the first episode of the No Problem Parenting Podcast, let me introduce myself to you just a little bit.

My name is Jackie. It's spelled J-A-C-I. Thanks to my mom, she lopped the L-Y-N off of my full name and added an I without a K. So I'm often called JC, but my name is in fact Jackie.

I'm a 30-year paraprofessional turned counselor turned parenting coach. Back in 2013 when I started my company, Hello World, we have since rebranded in 2019 to No Problem Parenting. I am a wife to my best friend Eric for over 30 years. And we are the super lucky parents of one kiddo here on earth and two angel babies.

When I'm not working, you'll most likely find me at the lake in the summertime. We're here in Minnesota, so our summers are short, and I spend as much time as I can on the lake or listening to music. But my true passion is helping parents like you to become confident leaders in your home. I've spent over 50,000 hours coaching, mentoring, and guiding parents through the everyday, and not so everyday, challenges of raising kids.

Parenting is messy, and my mom used to say it's a crapshoot. She was one of 15 children, my dad one of nine, so I have over 100 first cousins. My mom did daycare. I helped her in the daycare and started babysitting other kids at just nine years old. So I get it. It's messy and it comes with all kinds of challenges. I've been fortunate enough to work with families navigating mental health struggles, behavioral issues, school challenges, co-parenting hurdles, and lots more. And I am here for all of it. So let's stop trying to be a perfect parent and let's instead start being a confident leader. Here's the truth.

parenting isn't about having all the answers. It's about learning what we don't know. It's about having a strategy and at No Problem Parenting we believe in three key principles. Number one, seek first to understand why is my child behaving the way they're behaving and why am I the parent responding or more often reacting to the misbehavior the way that I am. Step two is to prepare for the worst. We can take care of and deal with problems as they come and the key is giving those problems only as much attention as they deserve. And then as we say in the Midwest, we keep her moving. We don't overanalyze. We don't helicopter. We don't drill sergeant. Instead, we lead with confidence. And then in step three, it's all about changing the conversation. We're going to teach our kids to advocate for themselves. We're going to empower them. You know, our job is to equip our kids, not to shield them. And we're not white picket fence positive parenting over here. We're practical, realistic, and down to earth. Each family is uniquely their own. Each situation, each child, each parent, everyone comes from a story. And so we don't believe in hovering over our kids or controlling every aspect of their lives. And we also don't believe in drill sergeant parenting where we tell them to jump and how high. We are neutral, empathetic, confident leaders. And so in step three, we're going to teach the difference between unconditional and conditional

praise and we're also going to lead with empathy not sympathy. So does that sound like the kind of parenting you're craving? I hope so because that's exactly what this podcast is all about. You can expect to hear from guest experts on a variety of parenting topics, real stories from real parents and practical advice that you can use today right now in the moment to strengthen your relationship with your kids while handling the challenges and the problems with confidence. Speaking of which here is your parenting tip or tool of the day and it's called the six second pause. When your kiddo is whining, they're melting down, they're back talking or pushing your buttons, here's what you do. This is absolutely free to you and I cannot tell you how many parents won't use it because it's almost too easy and also because it's a little embarrassing or a little awkward or kind of weird to do in the moment when your kid's displaying a negative behavior. But it is so simple to do and it has such a profound impact when you can get out of your own way and just use the darn technique. So what I want you to do is put one hand on your chest or your heart,

the other on your stomach, flat handed, one on your chest, one on your stomach. I want you to take a deep breath. Once I learned this technique, I can't help but take a deep breath. Even when I automatically put my hand on my heart, my hand on my stomach, it causes me to take a deep breath.

Now, however, when I first learned this technique was shortly after I started my parent coaching company. And to say I was stressed out is kind of an understatement. I was so excited to start the company and I jumped in and about 30 days later, I was like, oh, my gosh, what did I just do? I left my 20 year career as a counselor and program coordinator, started this company not knowing what in the world I was doing.

30 days in, the excitement wears off and I'm like, oh, my gosh, how am I going to pay the bills? How am I going to pay for health insurance? So I was tensed out to say the least. I happened to come across this technique and I used it for myself first.

And this is why I know it works. So it works when you're with your child, getting ready to have a response for them or a reaction to something that they've done. It works in your work life. It works in your personal life.

It absolutely works in any situation when you are tensed or feeling reactionary. Now, sometimes you don't catch yourself right away. That's OK. As soon as you do catch yourself, stop, pause, and use this technique.

Hand on your chest, the other on your stomach. Take a deep breath. When you take that breath, your stomach is going to go out. Push out when you breathe in.

And when you exhale, your stomach goes in. You're going to do that about three times in that six seconds. Now, for me, it took longer. I actually had to practice this, you guys.

I couldn't catch a breath. That's how tense I was. I was completely tightened up and could not. I would breathe in and my stomach would go in.

I was frustrated because I couldn't even figure out how to use the darn technique. But that's because that's how tensed up my central nervous system was. And so it does take a little practice. So practice this before you use it with your kids.

Take a minute, hand on your heart, hand on your stomach. Take that deep breath in. Let it exhale. And for me, I usually do two or three times.

Sometimes it's just a really slow breath and six seconds goes by really quick. what you're going to do is you're going to shift the amygdala i teach this in my parenting training teaching them amygdala that you know what the amygdala by the way is the warning warning warning incoming danger brain response right and see they're going to shift it to the back part of your brain and fight or flight or you're going to become curious and shift to the front part of your brain your prefrontal cortex again i explain all of this and no problem parenting's training but you're going to be able to calm your amygdala enough to decide is this a danger something i need to respond to right away? Or can I take a minute? Can I shift? Do I have to have a response,

especially do I have to have a verbal response right away? This technique seriously will shift your brain from reaction mode, the fight, flight, or freeze into logical problem solving mode, which is what we need to do before we automatically say no to our kids or argue with them or engage or match our level of emotion with their level of emotion. The pause is going to give you control over your emotions. So instead of snapping, you can respond with confidence. We're going to talk more and more in the episodes ahead about remembering the pause. I refer to it very often. Or you can check out No Problem Parenting's online training. It's a DIY. It's very reasonably priced and I teach all about the pause in the training. So try it today and feel free to DM me at No Problem Parents on Instagram to tell me how it went. How did it work for you? Could you take that breath right away? And then the first time you used it with your kids, what happened? Did you create curiosity in them? Like why is mom doing this? Why isn't dad yelling at me? Why are they not saying anything? It is so effective and it is so fun to hear from parents how it went for them and to learn that after they've used it a few times with their kids, their kids are starting to use it themselves. All right, parents, remember you are doing a really amazing job. Nobody knows your situation the way that you do. Nobody knows your circumstances, your child, the way that you

do. I know parenting can feel overwhelming, but I promise you, you are the leader your kids crave you to be. If you're looking for more support, be sure to subscribe to this podcast. Visit no problem. Parents.com to learn all about our trainings, our coaching and our resources.

Follow us on Instagram at no problem parents and DM me your biggest parenting challenge. Now in episode two, I'm going to break down the no problem parenting approach in detail. We're going to give you the one-on-one what it is, how it works and why this mindset shift will change your parenting forever. So don't miss out. Be sure to subscribe and follow our show hugs and high fives. And I'll see you next time.

Thank you.