Raising Purpose-Driven Pre-Teens and Teens with Special Guest Helen Verroux

Hey, welcome back. No problem, parents. In today's episode, we're going to talk all things raising purpose-driven preteen and teens. That's right. We want to start at that preteen age, and it really begins with you inspiring them as parents by modeling your own purpose-filled life.

My guest today is Helen Varese. She's the founder of the Raising Purpose Teen Leaders Movement, and she defines herself as a teen and young adult leadership expert. She's a youth trainer, a kingdom entrepreneur, an author, a movement maker, and a success and leadership coach. And she's a John Maxwell certified coach and the CEO of the vibrant international company called The Keys for Success. This helps parents, youth organizations, and schools to raise purpose-driven teen leaders without compromising their moral values. Being an educator for more than 12 years, Helen strongly believes that now is the time to equip young people to navigate effectively in this new economy with programs that not only revolutionize the educational system,

but that help teens gain clarity on their purpose and understand the concept of financial freedom. She has a passion for transformational leadership, personal growth, serving others, and she loves to discover different cultures. So today we're going to talk all things getting our kids off the couch, off the screens, motivated and interested in living a purpose-driven life. and it really does start at that preteen level.

So if you have a nine-year-old and up, you're gonna wanna stay tuned for this fun episode with Ms. Helen Vero. Digital Audio Health by Cymotrax. Welcome to the No Problem Parenting Podcast.

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Join me on this journey of behavioral strategies and resources so that you can feel empowered as a parent again and turn your everyday parenting problems into no problem. Welcome to the show, Coach Helen. Hello, Jackie. I am excited that I'm here with you and that I connected with you because this is what we do. We are here to collaborate together.

So thank you so much. Oh, you are welcome. And yeah, you saw something on Facebook, a post of mine or something through No Problem Parenting and messaged and reached out this past June. And yeah, a few months later, here we are finally able to record.

You know, I used to work with teens. I used to, that was the thing when I was in family counseling, the kids were my clients and it was, you know, anywhere from about age four up to 18. And in my previous job as a family counselor, I just kept thinking, no, I want to work with the parents. I want to help the parents help their kids.

And really, the kids are where your passion is. So I know a little bit about you and that you really were that preteen and teen mentor for a long time, which you still very much are. But you have branched into helping parents understand how to reach their teens and help develop their teens. I'm an educator.

I teach French. I've been teaching for more than 12 years now. I've worked worldwide. I worked in the UK, in the Caribbean, in the Bahamas.

I stayed there for six years. And now I live in Qatar in the Middle East. It's been two years I'm living here. And I realized through all of my experience, I've seen the need of teenagers worldwide.

And it doesn't change from one country to another. It's just the same thing. And I said, you know what? I want to help more preteens and teenagers outside of the four walls of my classroom because I can see that there is a change when I interact with them.

And I can't, it's just natural the way they gravitate around me. They just love, it's not just to be prideful, but they just love, you know, me to encourage them. And like the relationship with the have is just amazing. So I said, you know what, I want to do more of that.

And I am a youth leader as well. I've been a youth leader for 10 years. So I've been around teenagers a long time. I realized that why not help the preteens?

Why not start before they become teenagers? Why not really help them, the preteens, to really embrace and understand how they can make choices from a place of knowledge, but not from a place of ignorance? Because what we tend to see is that teenagers can be really, really hard. It's just that they've never been trained to think differently or just to take the lead of their life.

That is so true, especially in those preteen years. We are constantly telling them what to do, what not to do. And yet we crave them to be independent from us. But it's sort of like this. Well, you can be independent, but you got to do it mom's way.

You got to do it dad's way. You got to do it school's way. You've got it's just like follow all these rules. And what your program is doing is helping them understand some of why those rules or things are in place, but how to become a leader.

Yes. Yes. I really emphasize in self-leadership and make them understand that they are the leaders of their life. and they have to make decisions and start to learn because that's what happened. When you don't teach them how to make choices when they're preteens, they become adults who don't know how to make choices in their life. So what I realized in life is that preteens is when you actually coach them and allow them to think and make their own choices. Then when they're teenagers, they make mistakes and they're like, oh my gosh, I can't do that later because this is really bad. So, And then when they become adult, they say, okay, I've done that mistake already.

I'm not going to redo it again. So what happens is that we tend to wait until they're teenagers to teach them those stuff to start growing into self-leadership. And then when they become adult, it's like, it's really hard because they're actually processing all the information and they don't know how to make the right choices in their life. And they keep making mistakes, making mistakes, but because they've never been trained.

you know and i think we have to start when they were young i know um i took from my faith perspective when you look at jesus i don't know if i can talk about my faith in a way absolutely yeah like when you look at jesus he started when he was 12 to go in the synagogue so he was a preteen he was a preteen already that's so cool he didn't wait when he was older you know and And that's what I love. I will think is the best time, you know, when they're like 9, 10, 11 and 12 years old to really start giving them an idea of how they can grow into self-development.

Knowing your company and your business and your program and all that you're doing, I encourage churches out there. I hadn't even thought of that. I was going to say schools, which we are. I know you do have some programming for schools, but churches as well and youth groups and things, Coach Helen, I think this is just such a great model.

So I could get way ahead of myself because you and I just had we've had a fantastic conversation already. But let's clue the audience in. So let's get into what problems that teenagers and adults are facing right now. And what are the root of those problems?

Yeah. So I believe that let's start with teenagers. OK, we all know that teenagers are suffering from lack of leadership, of identity. Identity crisis is a big issue. Lack of motivation, lack of vision.

And this is major because this is what really can propel you in your life. So the thing is that with my program and the parents, I help them to change their mindset and realize that the team they are dealing with right now is a different generation. So you have parents that has been trained a certain way and they just don't know how to relate to this new generation and they repeat the same cycle when we should not repeat the same cycle.

We should actually propel them and send them to success to a higher level because we need to understand how this generation works and how we can change as parent and learn, become learners, not just parent followers, but parent leaders, and how we can help our preteens to really embrace this new economy. economy because now the economy is changing, the economy is shifting. But when you parent this the old ways and you try to help a new generation, it doesn't work. It doesn't match. We want the parents to understand that there is a different way, different way to help their preteens that will eventually become teenagers to embrace the best of their life and grow. Of course, they will have uncertainties. They will have tribulations. Of course, it will be hard at some point, but I think that the work we need to start doing now is to embrace, engage the parents into changing, finding new ways to empower their preteens. Right. Which a lot of that is communicating and learning to communicate different. The whole, I told you so, or this is how I did it or works.

You know, some of some of the this has been my experience and parents sharing stories is great. The times they failed or the mistakes they made or things like that can be great. And we need to be listening more to our kids and being more curious and noticing and wondering and then allowing them to make those those mistakes as well. Right. And what I see is that parents want that for their kids, but they don't really do that for themselves.

so it's like it's quite hard because this generation especially teenagers they want to they grow up by role modeling they want to see that you model what you say at my age like when I was younger it didn't really matter to me I don't think so I don't think it mattered to you as well but I think this generation is like you need to preach what you say you need to act and this is why it creates sometimes this dichotomy between the parents and and their children because they can't relate anymore because the parent is not talking their truth you know and walking their truth so i am a big believer into um allowing parents to understand that first of all they need to grow into finding a community that share the same value as them they need to grow into leadership so change from being a parent follower to a parent leader and what is a parent leader is a parent who wants to learn, a parent who wants to change the narrative, a parent who wants to break cycles in the life of their children. And I think we have to help as well parents to grow into wisdom. I think wisdom is something that you can only get through revelation about the child that you're dealing with because every children is different. Every person is different. So you need to really learn who you are dealing with and what is the destiny of the child that you are actually working with because if you don't know the destiny of the child and what they've been called to you

can actually abort the process or not even give them enough ingredient in the right environment so they can grow and fulfill you know what they've been called to do um and obviously effective communication our parents need to start growing in effective communication effective communication for me is when the parents and the child, parents and prisons are working together and it creates that synergy, that bonding, and they understand each other. It's not just talking for the sake of talking, but it's really like growing together and understanding where both of them come from and how they can relate. One of the things that I love about this podcast and being able to share these resources that sometimes a guest like you just did right now, you reminded me of an episode,

it was episode 160 with Kelly Flood. And she talks about how we are all created uniquely and in our human design. You also have an assessment tool that you use. I have a bonding time where I actually discuss with the parents and I discuss with the preteens if they want to do the program together and we do a personality test as well.

so actually the the parents know that the child they're dealing with and the parents kind of understand what they they need to work on so they can actually relate to their preteens so obviously um it's it's a journey and that's what i want parents to understand it's a journey it's a life transformation it's not something that you just get like that i think you know with the people that we're dealing with parents and preteens is people we are building generation we are building people so it takes time to see the result but when you plant the right seeds it will eventually grow what i see most of the time is that parents i want them to understand the real dna of their preteens you know we tend to focus on so many things like pay tuition for certain things or english lessons and piano lessons and like spend money in different programs but now we want to really focus on what is a real real true identity the real true DNA of of our children you know and this is what I want parents to start shifting their mind is not just throwing money and just like allowing them because for them success is maybe like paying a lot of tuitions and allowing them to to to get new um I would say skills but we need to focus on the gifting you know on the gifting of the child and that's what makes a difference with the old way of doing things in a new way of parenting. So, you know, that's a really good point, Helen, that, you know,

sometimes I think parents just sign, we sign our kids up for sports or extracurricular activities or music lessons or things because we obviously have the conversation and sometimes, you know, your child's really interested in a certain activity. And so of course you want to, you want them to explore that, but with your assessment and that clarity call that you do with the parent and the preteen, you're really able to help identify and help the parent have that conversation and maybe explore some ideas or opportunities that maybe the preteen and or the parent wasn't even on their radar. Yeah. Yeah. And it's allowing parents to realize that the real roots for success is really, from my perspective, is finding purpose. You know, purpose is the root for success.

And a lot of people, we can hear about the word purpose, but do we really understand the meaning of purpose? And this is what we need to start engaging those preteens into, understanding and making them aware that your success is your purpose. But how do you grow into that? How do you find purpose if your parents are not in purpose?

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It's really you can only understand the meaning of purpose if you've seen people in purpose. and that's what I want when I work with the parents as well I make them grow into finding that part of their life as well you know finding purpose finding truth you know so they can help their preteens to get there because you can't find purpose like that it doesn't happen overnight it's again a journey but they need to be and in one of my I think my one of masterclass I had a speaker and she shared that and it never left me she said there is a difference your children will always love you they will always love you but now there is a difference when your child loves you and when your your child is being inspired by you because when your child is being inspired by you this is when this is a spark and they actually want to grow and they want to grow into purpose they want to grow in the leadership because they've seen that you have modeled that to them so well. But your child will always love you. But now are they inspired by you is something totally different. I absolutely love that because I think sometimes with the hustle and bustle and the busyness and the, you know, all the things that parents need to do, much less manage their work and the bills and all the things, right? Parents get further and further away from their purpose, they start just, everybody just wants things to be smooth and to go well, but we lead

from this sort of like behavior consequence mode, instead of, you know, really taking time to live out, to first figure out what our purpose is and then to live that out. And our kids can be inspired by us. When somebody inspires you, you are more apt to follow, to take their lead and then to become the leader yourself. So we need to, I think we just answered the question I was going to have is how do we help kids grow into their purpose? I think that's exactly what, what it is, right? Yes, it is. It is. We have to really inspire them to gain purpose. And this is why you have so many teams who lack motivation, who lack identity, because they've never been modeled that. And I think as well, parents tend to focus, oh, I need to raise my children,

which is great. I think it's a great mission, but I believe as well, parents has to think about that they're individual themselves and they have to fulfill purpose apart from parenting because we have different purposes, obviously, and parenting is one of them. But now what is the specific, like what you're doing, Jackie, you are in purpose right now. You are truly living the purpose that God has given you and your child see that. So obviously he will model that, you know, you are not just a mom you are create you created the no problem parenting podcast you're creating the no problem parenting movement this is Jackie Finnman so when you're gonna go like you have left everything behind on earth and you have left a legacy you have left something that people will remember for oh Jackie Finnman this oh yeah the no problem parenting woman yeah that's the one turn your problems into no problem that's what it means that's it your problems into no problem it's not like oh no problem we're gonna turn them into a no problem yeah no and this is great so I just want to I'm going to interrupt here a bit again too so you know we all make mistakes right our kids do we do as parents we screw it up we mess up we apologize we have the make it right technique that you know I talk about but it's not to say that you're not going to make mistakes you are going to make mistakes. But once we know what we've done, that isn't helping our situation,

when we can take ownership of that as a parent, then we can be like, oh, I get it. That's where I'm messing up. Or that's what I'm doing wrong. When you figure out, oh, that's not helpful, then you can change and you can switch gears and you can do better for your kids, for yourself and your kids. So I know that you have those five common mistakes that parents make. Can you talk about those yeah so the first thing is lack of community they are not around other like-minded parents the second thing is lack of knowledge because we get a lot of we get degrees for everything most of the things that we do in the world but now we don't have knowledge about how to parent better you know and I think we need like the the lack knowledge of how to parent preteens or how to parent children.

So there is more of this coaching program going around, but now is having, as you were saying, that revelation for yourself and say, okay, this is what I need to grow into and understand a bit more. I believe as well, as I was saying, lack of leadership and a lack of effective communication. Lacking in communication. And the fifth one?

Wisdom. What's the difference between wisdom and knowledge? knowledge is information wisdom is applied information love it again it is so hard as a parent because there are so many demands on you we can be pulled further and further away from that initial dream that we had when we set out to have children in the first place and our reason for wanting to have a family and to grow a family and so i think this is just such a valuable empowering program that you've developed for parents and their preteens or teens. But again, you like to get them young, that nine or 10 age, but even your school programs in that like seventh grade year. Tell us a little bit about those. Well, I created a program based on my book. So I wrote a book as well called the success guide for teens is actually coaching questions to help preteens or children to grow and find the career path, understanding the different concepts of purpose or financial freedom. And it's coaching questions. So it's based on three pillars,

discovery, the discover pillar, the transformation pillar, and the influence pillar. And I believe that very few people get into the influence pillar. And I want more people to be influenced, to influence, you know, in every area of their lives. So the discover part is coaching question about self-discovery, finding who you are, and then let them understand the process of how to actually implement all these questions in your life and understanding different laws of love timing, you know, the love process.

And now how can you influence? But now we don't just want to influence, we want to actually conquer our mountain of influence that's what I want them to do conquer the mountain of influence my mountain of influence is education so I am going into the schools because I've been educated for so many years you know so you use the success guide for teens in your success and leadership club in schools that's it yes yes and I really help them to understand that because most of them like the kids who comes to to the program to the club they have they have big ideas but they just don't know how to start so I tell them guys you want to be successful but you start with servant leadership so I really talk about servant leadership I said you have a big heart and they would they came up with that concept where like oh yeah big heart small wallet big heart small wallet I'm like yeah so you have a big heart you need to have a big wallet because you can actually make a bigger impact but I realize most people who have a good heart, they just don't have the finances to even help even more because can you believe more kind hearted people in this world who are leaders, servant leaders who are at the top of their mountain of influence and they actually can build schools and hospitals and they can pour and help people and serve people. Oh, I mean, honestly, Helen, that's why I love this so much because start when they're preteens and they don't need, quote unquote,

need the money. They don't have the job that they have to go to. They don't have the expenses that they, but they can start learning about these to plant the seeds that will grow so they can create the harvest. And exactly like you said, the more, more they learn that at a young age. Oh, I just, I know I'm one of those people that gets all sappy about this stuff, but I just like, I can just feel it for the kids, like to start out at that young of an age, right. You know, out of high school, your university or whatever, and be able to have the income, the financial freedom to put your purpose and your passion and your dream into practice. How amazing is that?

Focus on the vision, have a vision. Like, I don't understand how you don't have a vision for yourself. What do you want to do? I'm like, let's think about it. You know, this is, you cannot just live life just for the sake of living life you need to have i'm not saying you need to cushion and leave room for to grow but come on even when you plan you you go in a destination you get you know where you're going you just don't take the plane and go anywhere all right yeah right you know it's really helpful for them and they gain clarity that's what i love they have clarity of the things that they want to do at the end they're like this is what i want i want to do that. And I'm like, this is it. Let's, let's run with it. Let's do it. I love it so much too,

because they may change their mind as they're growing. They may, their, their ideas or their purpose or that might evolve, but it's so great to start that at 12 and have the opportunity for that to all change or to grow and to evolve and to develop. And I think the thing that inspires me the most in what you're doing right now, Helen, is that we have so many kids that don't know where they belong, don't know their purpose. They're isolating our anxiety, depression, and suicide rates are through the roof, despite all of the help and support that we have for mental health.

Right. And, and despite how, how the stigma of mental health is, is lessening, you know, and there's, there's all these, these resources out there and people don't have to be as afraid to access them, although many are, but even with all of those supports, there's something missing. and I believe as a parenting coach that it starts with the parent and I believe that when parents are empowered and acknowledged and validated and feel confident that the sky's the limit for their kids.

With all the doom and gloom in the world today, this has just been a super fun episode because we can talk about, hey, you wanna get your kid off the couch? You wanna get your kid to start interacting with you and having conversations? You wanna get your kid to reach out to others, to join groups and to find a place where they belong. I really highly encourage everyone to go to thekeysforsuccess.com, get in touch with Helen, learn more about what she's offering.

And for those of you in the States, which probably about 80% of the listeners are in the States right now, no worries. Helen works with kiddos in the States to parents in the States. This is a global program and it is accessible to you wherever you live, as long as you have an internet connection. to learn about when the next masterclass is happening, parents, the best way is to follow Helen at the keys for success on Instagram or Facebook.

And, or you can go, if some people aren't on social media, you can go to the keys for success.com. Helen, thanks so much. Thank you for actually showing to your audience that you are actually working the talk.

So thank you so much. techniques. All right, there you have it, parents, another resource that's accessible to you right from the comfort of your home. Hey guys, if you're enjoying this podcast, do me a quick favor and leave us a review of the show. And if you're feeling super generous, take a screenshot of this episode and share it on your social media with your friends and family. And be sure to tag and follow us at No Problem Parents. Doing so helps us help more families.

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