Widowed, Single Parent, Empty Nester; The power inherent in each of us to create a life of peace and happiness with Special Guest Alexandra Van Horn

we did it. We hit number one international bestseller with our second no problem parenting book, resources and stories that create confidence and connection. Make sure you head into the show notes and grab your Kindle or paperback version today. Hey guys, I'm Jackie Finnaman. I'm a parenting strategist and coach. And after 30 years and with more than 50,000 hours of experience working with kids and families, I promise you there is a solution for your parenting challenges.

The key to this parenting gig is to guide and lead your kids with less fear and more confidence. You don't have to know everything to be the expert of your child. So let's get to the root of what is going on in your home with you and your kiddos. And then we're going to prepare for the worst and change the conversation.

Kick fear, worry, and guilt to the curb. You are exactly the parent your child needs and wants, and you are more capable than you sometimes give yourself credit for. I launched the No Problem Parenting Podcast to reach more parents and share the Cliff Notes version on how to solve a variety of parenting problems in the moment as they are happening in your home. Problems are a part of life and they're meant to be dealt with and overcome.

So I teach parents how to turn any problem into a no problem. In this podcast, you're going to find down to earth, practical, fun, no nonsense, and sometimes best backwards tips and ideas for how to navigate this thing we call parenting. You're going to learn about resources on a variety of parenting topics and increase your rockstar parenting moments. Since starting the podcast in April of 2021, we have over 150 episodes, more than 140 guests.

So go back and look through the episodes and find the topics that resonate with you. And if you want to fast track to my solo episodes, you can head on over to noproblemeparents.com, click on the podcast tab, and you'll see the 15 episodes or so that I've done just with my favorite techniques and talking about no problem parenting, attachment disorders, remembering the pause, making it right technique, some of my favorites. So you can head on over to noproblemparents.com and find it there. And you can subscribe to our emails as well. As always, please follow reviews, subscribe to this podcast. We are already a top 2% podcast. The more followers and subscribers and listens that we get, the higher up we rank and the more parents that we're able to reach. All right, for now, let's get into today's topic and meet our next guest.

Digital Audio Health by Cymotrax. All right, welcome back. No problem, parents. Today, my special guest is Ms. Alexandra Van Horn, the Live Well Long coach. I love that. The Live Well Long coach. Alexandra inspires others to to own their innate abilities to create a life they love.

A transformational life coach and consultant, ordained minister and former training manager at a Fortune 500 company, Alexandra has inspired and helped others reach for and achieve their dreams for over 20 years. Widowed at a young age with three small sons, she learned firsthand about the power inherent in each of us to invent our world through our careful choice of thoughts, words, and actions. She is driven by this passion to help others create lives of peace and happiness.

The author of three books, Alexandra has taught special needs middle school students. Alexandra, I am so excited to welcome you to the show. Well, thank you so much, Jackie. I've been so looking forward to this moment and I really appreciate being here and what you're doing.

I love your website and all of the resources you have. I'm just blown away by your reach, which is awesome. Well, thank you. And you are one of our new resources to join our No Problem Parenting community.

So thank you for that. I'm excited to share your work and your services. And I know my listeners are going to be excited to check you out as well and to go to your site and learn more about you after they hear our conversation today. You know, raising three sons as a widow, a young widow, had to be very challenging and trying.

So I would like to just kind of start right there and have you tell us your story. Okay. Yeah. Well, I married my high school sweetheart. We met in junior year in high school and got married, you know, soon after that, after about two years of college and then finished.

We finished up college part time because we just couldn't wait to get married. And, you know, so worked full time and finished up part time. and um and but he had he was in clinical research and i was in the computer center at a the fortune 500 company i mentioned and uh he contracted colon and liver cancer and so he passed we were both 36 when he passed and it's so young yeah yeah it's young and um and at the time i had We had three sons, four, six, and they were four, six and eight.

So, you know, one of the things was like, it was so hard being a widow and taking care of kids. And at the same time, thank God I had them to take care of because it just kept me, you have to just keep going. You don't have time to really, you have to kind of grieve on, you know, when you have time, you don't have time all the time for that, you know? So I'd be in the middle of the supermarket, reach up for something off the shelf.

and all of a sudden the tears will start streaming down. I'd be like, what? But you know, that's, it's a, it's an adjustment. What was your husband's name?

Oh, Alan, A-L-L-A-N, Alan. I just love to learn when I hear about somebody that has lost a loved one, I love to make sure I learn their name because I think it's so important to continue to say the person's name because they are definitely still with us. So yeah. Oh, cool.

Is that, I just got goosebumps. That's beautiful. Thank you so much for that, Jackie. Yeah.

he uh so you know it was quick too he was diagnosed in august and he passed in december of 91 so um you know now my children are all grown of course and it's been a journey you know there were so many times i'd be like at their class at their school concert their christmas concert sitting there thinking oh he should be here he should be here to see this but obviously it wasn't meant to be you know so um but like you know soon after he passed away some of the the things you know, cause it's initially, it's like overwhelming. You think I've got these three little boys, I have a whole future, you know, and I, and immediately like up until that point, I never really thought too much about my mortality. And then suddenly I was like,

oh my God, I can't die now. You know, I'm it, you know? So, but you know, and so, so it can be overwhelming. So you have to stay in the focus in the, in the present moment, like, okay, what's important today? Well, all right. Do we have food for today in the house? Yes. Okay.

we've got our food taken care of today. I don't have to run to the store, whatever. Do we have reasonably clean clothes to wear? You know? Yeah. Okay. We're good. You know, and is the rent or mortgage paid for the month? Yeah, we're good. Okay. You know, and then after that, anything else that got done, I considered gravy, you know, okay, good. I got to straighten up a little bit.

I got to, you know, run this errand or take them to the library or whatever it was. I considered that gravy, like, you know, the minimum was taken care of. And so it was just a way of, you know, not letting myself get overwhelmed with thinking, how am I going to do this? You know?

Well, and I know that I don't mean to interrupt. I know before we started recording, you had shared with me previously, you had shared with me that, you know, you'd been working at this fortune 500 company, but done when you had your second son and you're pregnant with your second son and you're bringing your first son to the home daycare, your heart is just hogged and you're wanting to be with him. So you had left your career prior to your husband's passing.

Yes. Yes. Yep. Yep. I left my career when I was pregnant with my second son.

And then two years later we had the third and yeah, that was it was, it was a tough decision, but I was glad I, I mean, it was, it was, I was torn. I didn't want to leave my career, but I didn't, you know, I didn't want to leave my child, but I didn't want to leave my career, you know, and I had to pick and I was like, well, I know I want to raise my kids. I wanted to be there for them. And not everybody has that luxury. I did at the time it was tight, but I was able to manage that. But I feel for people that, you know, in a situation where they can't do that, and they just have to make the best of it. And that leads me to, you know, single parenting is tough. And some of us choose to be single parents. And some of us are, you know, the rugs pulled out from under us and we end up being a single parent and financially that can be super taxing, but also,

you know, there's lots of other challenges that come with that. When they were younger, I didn't, you know, I didn't work after, you know, once I left my career and then after my husband passed away, I mean, I wonder if he had a premonition that he wasn't going to be here long because he did have good life insurance. So I was fortunate to not have to go back to work. So that was a, that really, you know, was a blessing and good foresight on his part. Um, cause we, he, you know, had arranged for the life insurance long before he got sick, you know, that was just his way.

And, um, but you know, it was a challenge. Like there'll be times where when they were a little older and they were all on teams or somebody who wanted to go, needed to go to a birthday party and somebody who needed to be at their hockey game or baseball game, whatever it was. And I I had to feel like I needed to be in going three directions at one time. And I would literally, I just, they'd be like in the driveway, come on, we got to go, mom, got to go.

And I'd be like, okay, I can't deal with this. And I'd go back in the house, close the lid on the toilet seat. That was my meditation room. I'd go there and I just sit there and wait until my mind got calm and say, okay.

And then an idea would, I'd ask for guidance. I'm spiritual. I asked for guidance. and then an idea would come like okay you know call this mom see if they can carpool you know or you can get this you know they can get to the birthday party later or sooner or the other mom can you know drop drop them off at the hockey game and and I could pick them up you know different ways of communicating that in the the rush of things didn't seem like it didn't seem like there was an option but when I calmed down and just sat and meditated then the answers would come and I get in the car, peaceful and say, okay, this is what we're going to do.

Yeah. It's so hard to do when we're stressed and taxed and feeling like all that overwhelm and everything. But that is one of the first things I teach with no problem parenting is remembering the pause that whether it's your child acting out and you're feeling reactionary towards that, or you're feeling overwhelmed with all the to-dos, the tasks, the thoughts, just hand on your hard hand on your stomach and pause, or go sit, put, put the toilet seat down.

if you've got three boys at home, you know, what's not done already. Put that toilet seat down, you know, grab a chair and take a minute, take a minute. Yeah. Yeah. And in the midst of things, it's like, you know, it doesn't always occur to you. And then all of a sudden it's like, oh, wait a minute. I'm feeling really crummy right now. Let me step back. What can I do right now to some peace to this moment? You know, and like, you know, through the years, you know, I mentioned in my bio, I'm an ordained minister, but that wasn't, you know, that didn't happen until a few years after my husband passed. And then I, I went to a seminary that had a correspondence program, which was great. Cause I couldn't, you know, still didn't have a way of just disappearing for two years in a seminary and leave the kids, you know? So, so that was great. And I studied a course in miracles, which was wonderful. And that's, that's kind of been my bedrock for life.

And just a way of trans, you know, transcending your, or changing your perspective on a certain, on an immediate situation. Like there would be times when I felt like, oh, I needed to rush to get somewhere to like, maybe something started at a certain time and I needed to be there at a certain time. And, and I would just feel like this anxiety. And then all of a sudden I'd relax and realize, oh, you know what, I'm going to get there at the right time. Maybe not the time I'm supposed to be there, but you know, maybe I'm avoiding a car accident by being a few minutes late, you know, that type of thing, like divine timing, you know, so just kind of breathing into the moment and say, okay, I'm going to move. I'm going to proceed consciously,

but not in a hurried way. I love that. And I don't know if other people listening have experienced that before too, but I've gotten, I've gotten better at that when things don't work out as I think they should, or the timing isn't right or whatever. I will pause and think, you know, I'm not in control. There is a higher power that's in control. And, and that, and that's my, my faith, my belief, whatever, whatever everybody else's is. But I would think there's a reason I'm not doing what I thought I should be doing or that I'm not getting somewhere on time. So I love that you mentioned that. Cause I, you know, I do wonder if other people think that. Yeah. Like sometimes when you think something's going wrong, it may not be, you know, like I did work a little bit on a project for a conference. They called me back to work on this short-term project,

which was organizing an event for a group of visitors that were coming from out of the country to this conference. And part of it was putting together a plan, an excursion. So I hired two buses. I have to get, okay, we didn't know how many people, because it was voluntary. We didn't know how many people were going to want to go on this excursion. So I reserved two buses. Comes time for the buses to load up and there's only one bus. And I'm like, oh my God, how's this going to work? Well, it turned out the exact number of people fit that bus. The other bus didn't show up, but was the exact number. It was just right. I'm like, okay, divine order.

Yeah. Right. So sometimes when you think something's going wrong, it's not. Right. And we spend so much energy worrying about it and panicking. And yet if we can just kind of pause. Things almost always seem to work out. And like you said, even when they don't seem like they're working out the right way, they actually just might be. So give ourselves a little bit of a break and take some pressure off. I love that. Yeah. Prioritizing your life, handling the overwhelm. You talked about how you just had to say, okay, are they fed? You know, is the mortgage paid? What are some other things that, that you did to help prioritize your life? Prayer and meditation, really. And that really was my lifesaver. And I found that, you know, when with a regular practice of that, you become aware of when God, universe, infinite intelligence, whatever term works for the listeners, that there are the force of life, if you know, whatever term works for you, that there is this higher consciousness that is working. Like, for example, soon after he passed, we had a leak in our water tank in the basement. This is New Jersey and Florida where I live now. There's no basements, but we had a water tank and it leaked and there was water all over the floor in the basement. At the same time, we had this carpet that I had planned to put down in the basement, but it was all rolled up and it got soaked from the leak in the water tank.

And so I'm down in the basement, like having a bit of a pity party for myself. Oh no, what am I going to do? How am I going to get this out of here? You know, all by myself, you know, call the plumber and plumber comes, fixes the water tank. It was just the valve. And as he's, and this is young strapping guy, you know, and he, as he's ready to leave, he just looks at the rug and he goes, I'm going to get this out of here for you. I'm like, yeah, thank you so much. And he put it out by the, you know, where the trash would get picked up. And so there's like things like that, that before I was, you know, convinced about the power of prayer and meditation, I would just, you know, just not know that that existed, that there really was very powerful. So things like that happen all the time. Once you stay true, and you still have to stay focused and take action and do things that need to be done. It's not like we're going to sit around and just pray and meditate all day long. But it's, it's really cool. So it's a habit I cultivated over the years. And sometimes I forgot to do it. And then I'd realize, oh, I need to get back to that life isn't going so smooth right now. You know, so like, yeah, I know, it does make sense. And when we do get out of when we're in the practice of it, it's, it's, it's a calming has a calming effect, I think. But then when we get out of practice, and things start to go awry, we go,

wait, well, maybe that was working better than I thought it was working, you know? Yeah, it's like, I better get back to that practice. Even affirmations, you know, people talk about writing in a gratitude journal and, and doing affirmations. And, you know, I'm not super great at sticking to that stuff all the time, but I did find an app and there's lots of free ones out there, but an affirmations app that when I first downloaded it and, you know, you get these alerts throughout the day of these affirmations.

And I was like, if I was stressed or hurried or frustrated or whatever, I'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah, whatever. And I would still read them. Yeah. And I started to notice that when they would pop up after I'd read them, I would kind of like calm down.

Yeah. Yeah. It changes your mind. Like our thoughts make such a difference in how we feel.

I mean, they control our feelings. So we think something positive all of a sudden our body feels better. So, yeah, gratitude, especially, you know, we're not feeling good. Just think, OK, just think about things I'm grateful for.

You know, the roof over my head, the breakfast I had, the sunshine. on, you know, what it doesn't have to be the number of dollars in the bank or, you know, any of that. It's like, what am I just great for the laughter of a child, the barking of a dog, you know, it's like life. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. All those things where it, uh, sometimes it's annoying to even think that, you know, when you're crabby or when things aren't going good or in your bad mood, that's the last thing you want to do is be cheered up. Right.

And, and at the same time, I say this at No Problem Parenting that we only give problems as much attention as they deserve. And then we keep her moving. So it doesn't mean that you don't acknowledge when there's a negative thing going on or a problem, whether that's a problem behavior or, you know, whatever is stressing you out and you're like, go ahead and acknowledge it, but let's not make it the whole day. Let's not make it the attention or the focus for the whole day.

Put those little nuggets of the positives in there. And it actually does change your mood and the way you think and your outcome. Right. And one of the things if people download my free gift, which is.

Yeah, let's talk about that real quick. Yeah. My website is AVH Coaching. That's A as in my initials, Alexandra Van Horn.

So A, V as in Victor, H as in Harry, coaching.com forward slash parents. And it's a free gift, which is seven mindset hacks for overwhelmed parents. And, you know, one of the main things is, you know, respond versus reacting.

That's rule number one. Rule number two is forgive yourself when rule number one didn't work because you reacted because this is life. We're not perfect. so like it boils down to having a a gentle approach to ourselves you know like let ourselves be a soft place to land for us not be so hard on ourselves like oh I blew that I you know I raised my voice or whatever it was that we didn't really want to do and like okay I did it and then it's okay to apologize to a child you know it's it's okay to do that and then and we're still the parents so we can still say I'm sorry I messed up and I'm still the parents I'm going to do better but you still need to go, you know, in your room or whatever the thing is, you know?

Yeah, right. Exactly. You've, you've just outlined it again. This is why we connected and, and why I wanted you on the show, because we do think alike in that respond versus react. And then also I have a thing called the make it right technique and that I learned years ago from, from one of my mentors and, and it works so well when us as parents, when we mess up that we can make it right we can make it up to our kiddos and we don't that doesn't mean we're like giving in exactly whatever the expectation is yeah we still we're still going to follow through and acknowledge we made a mistake or we overreacted or you know whatever it is so yeah i love that give us just a couple more of those seven so the first one is responding versus reacting right the second one is forgive yourself when you reacted because they're not perfect and then the last the third one would be prioritize your self-care you know like being the selfless parent you know it's wonderful our kids are so important I think it's the most important job on the planet because they're the future of our planet and if we just are always putting ourselves last that's not good for them to see either because then they don't value us. So our prioritizing our self-care with sleep, nutrition, you know, going, you know, going and doing something that's fun for us.

And, you know, when we can, whenever we can work it in somehow, or we, I had a lot of friends, my children were little and we would take turns, you know, watching each other's kids. So the other mom could, you know, get a haircut or whatever was, you know, she wanted to do. So that's great. and prioritizing self-care because it's really hard to be patient and kind and do all the right things when you're tired and hungry. Exactly. And I think a lot of times two parent homes, you know, coaches, therapists, people will, will suggest date nights, but when you're a single parent, that doesn't mean you don't get that right night. You can still have that date night with yourself or with a friend. And really we could be putting that into our schedule. Exactly. Make it like prioritizing it, putting it on the calendar and doing what we can to, you know, talk to friends and say, okay, I'll watch your kids Friday night. If you can watch mine or whatever it is,

you know, swap days. And it's important to do that because sometimes I'll watch my grandchildren and I'll say to them, okay, you know, it's time for bed and we don't want to wait till grandma gets tired. Cause when grandma gets tired, she gets cranky and we don't want her to get cranky. You know, so it's the same thing with our kids.

You know, we have to take care of ourselves so that we can be our best. So prioritizing self-care is just as important as prioritizing the kids. Absolutely. So you've had this experience personally of raising three boys, single parenting, doing all the things.

And then your shift at some point in life brought you to life coaching. And so tell us a little bit about your mission with that and a little bit more about your company and what you do. All right, great. Thank you. So my kids are all grown. Two of my sons have children of their own, which I love. And I have an empty nest now. And occasionally I get to see them, but it's, not as often as when you have them living home. And I realized I needed to do more. And so dealing right now, I'm dealing with the empty nest and it's a grief process. It really is.

It's, and probably more so for single parents than for, you know, parents that are still with each other. But still, it's hard either way, because it, and I think, you know, we talk about grief in life, in life, like, okay, someone passed away. So obviously, we acknowledge grief in that regard. But there are so many things that we can grieve, whether it's loss of a job, loss of a lifestyle, moving creates, you know, creates an opportunity to grieve.

so I work with anyone that's at a trends my preference is to work with anyone who's at that point that transition where you know maybe they're just retired and they don't haven't don't know what to create next or they're you know the kids are all grown and flown like I like to say and they're like okay now what what do I do with myself how do I find meaning and purpose and so I'm the the coach that's you know like the wind at your back encouraging you to choose things that light you up. Okay. What would you love right now? You know, cause so many of us go through life asking ourselves, what would I love is usually not on our list. It's usually get the groceries, get the bills paid, get the kids here or there, get them to college, whatever the, you know,

help them get a job, whatever that is, clean the house. You know, there's all kinds of things like that. Right. But what would we love is not something we ask ourselves. And that's important at a stage when you're in transition, it's like, wow, I need to find joy again. I need to find new meaning and asking ourselves what we would love. So that's one of the things I do. And I have a, another offer that I could share. And if, if listeners go to avhcoaching.com forward slash Jackie, spelled J-A-C-I. I have an offer there, which includes, it includes a copy of my book, How to Get and Stay Happy, the digital copy. It also includes a video for creating your environment for transformation, which includes things like you mentioned affirmations. I have a little tip in there of a cool way to program your environment with affirmation. So it keeps you from falling into perhaps a less than positive thought.

A meditation for sleep and a document, 23 guidelines for a peaceful sleep. And it also includes a 60 minute one-on-one session with me. And it normally runs for $3.97, but for no problem parent listeners, it's $39. So that's- Oh my gosh, that is so generous. That is so great.

So they go to avhcoaching.com forward slash Jackie, J-A-C-I. And it's a package that comes up. It's a special package for podcast listeners, a healing package.

I'm calling it a healing package. So it's my book and then a video, a sleep meditation, which is an audio, and then a PDF, 23 guidelines for a peaceful sleep and a 60 minute coaching session. So the book is, I wrote, I wrote it actually when self-publishing first came out that, or at least that I became aware of in 2008, How to Get and Stay Happy. And it's 27 little chapters. There's like two to three pages a chapter. And they're all things that you can do to just keep yourself in a good frame of mind.

You know, everything from drinking enough water to taking a walk in nature, you know, those are the simpler ones. And so it's the digital version. So that's an automatic download that they would get. And it's the kind of book that you just keep on your nightstand or anywhere in the house and just open it up and say, okay, what do I need to see right now?

It's like, okay, that's a good thing. Oh, I should do that, you know, and it gives you an idea. Excellent. That is so awesome.

I love that. You have lots of great tips. I mean, literally, Alexander, you have lots of great tips, lots of free resources. Tell us about what your coaching looks like when a parent does sign up with a coaching package.

Okay. So the first session would be obviously just getting to know you a little bit about where they're at, what they want to create going forward, and getting in touch with their, there's four quadrants to life, so to speak. They're health and wellbeing, love and relationships, our vocation, which doesn't necessarily mean a job. It could be, or it could just be how you spend your time.

And then time and money freedom, which would be, oh, you know, I would love to travel or this and that. But any of those things. And obviously as parents, oftentimes we just think, no, I just got to get through the day, you know? So the coaching session, the initial coaching session is just like, okay, what can I, you know, what can I do to help them have a shift in their mindset of how they can get through their day? You know, and I touched on it with, you know, having some type of spiritual practice and it doesn't have to be, if someone's not into spirituality can just be mindfulness, you know, when you're chewing your food, paying attention to chewing your food, things like that, that just help to calm your mind, to bring your focus to the present moment.

and uh and then through that they get to design their future that they would love and then i give them different steps that they can take mindset i call them mindset hacks that help them stay focused on their dream and then take baby steps you know my mentor mary marzi says as a saying with baby baby steps can take you all the way up mount everest and it's true. So we can get overwhelmed, but you know, just getting back to, okay, do we have food in the house? Do we have clean clothes to wear, et cetera, that same type of thinking, okay, what do I need right now? That'll bring me forward toward my dream.

Oh, that's awesome. I love that. And, you know, again, this is why I love this podcast. Cause I learn about so many resources that are available to people, no matter where they live. And as I talk with each and every guest, I think about other guests and other resources and you, do you want to go on an excursion? And then here you are maybe an empty nester or a single parent.

You're like, I don't have anybody to go with, or I wouldn't even know how in episode 147 of the podcast, I interviewed Gervie Ravery and she has a company called suitcase gals. And so I'm feeling like I need to connect you because I bet some of your, some of your listeners and clients would be interested in that, but yeah, suitcase, you can do mom adventures or empty nester adventures with another group of women. And so I do feel like that prioritizing ourselves really has to be key.

It isn't just something we say, you know, oh, you got to put the oxygen mask on yourself first. And we kind of poo poo that idea. And we think, oh, there's just never enough time in the day. We can't possibly do that. Yes, you can. It's a choice. And no matter how busy and crazy and hectic you are, you can. Yeah. And you know, another thing too, I was talking to someone, you had a client yesterday and our lives have changed so much with, you know, all of the digital world that we live in now. There's just so many more things we need to know about compared to a few decades ago. And so it's important to like, be kind to ourself with, we still do not, you know, we have to be gentle with ourselves as far as, well, maybe my house doesn't look perfect right now. Maybe there's a film of dust on the furniture. Maybe there's a pile of laundry and you know, which there is, there's always laundry, right? We can wash it today. It'll be there tomorrow. But being kind to ourselves. So prioritizing self-care means like, you know,

it's seven o'clock at night and I'm exhausted. I'm leaving everything the way it is, sink full of dishes, whatever it is. And I'm putting my feet up or whatever needs to happen to make me feel good. So prioritizing self-care can mean, you know, just saying no to things that we don't feel are in our best interest right now, regardless of what the neighbors would think or what mom would think if she were to visit or whomever. And then I would add the next day, not beating yourself up for it. Exactly. Good point. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. Cause then, you know, that's a personal experience. I'll do that. And then the next day I'm like, Oh, I had the time last night.

I should have just gotten the dishes done and the laundry and the house picked up because, you know, now it's driving me crazy. And it's like, take a minute and be, it'll still get done. It'll still get done. Exactly.

It'll get done when it needs to get done. Exactly. And like one of the things when my kids were, were little, when they were in school, I was probably one of the more, I don't know, thinking outside of the box kind of moms, you know, and I wanted to take them on an extended trip out West. And so I told the teachers we were going to be gone was part of it was spring break, but part of it was beyond spring break.

And I got assignments for them and we went out West and we traveled the four corners and they had homework assignments on the road and it was great. And nowadays, like when I was teaching, I saw that a lot of people do that now, but back in the day, that wasn't quite so common, you know? So, But so being willing to just think outside the box and say, okay, nothing is being harmed here. I'm not breaking any laws, you know, but I'm adjusting, I'm giving them, I'm enhancing their education by traveling out West and doing homework with them.

And the teachers were aware of it, you know, so just encouraging people to, you know, to be brave and, you know, do things with integrity, but be brave in taking action for your ideas. And in this month of August, we're talking all things back to school and college prep and planning and all that. You have a passion or a mission for hybrid schooling. And that's exactly what you're, you're leading into here. So tell us a little bit more about your, your thoughts on hybrid schooling.

Yeah, well kind of that that idea, like when my kids were little. Yeah, well, this ties into like the body mind connection. My belief is if a child knows that they have to be sick to stay home from school, they will most likely get sick when they want a day off, and they will be sick, you know that they can create a genuine illness. so I was very liberal with my kids when they were growing up as far as them wanting to stay home now my middle son he got perfect attendance awards several years in a row he just always wanted to go you know but the others say every once in a while I'd say you know well what do you think you're discussing in school today you think you're going to miss anything that's important no I don't really think so and of course most kids would say that right they you know and they're all successful entrepreneurs today. So I'm, I'm really a firm believer in, like, in my case, hybrid schooling,

because homeschooling would have been overwhelming for me, I had thought about it. And I and my husband, when he was alive, he was not in support of it. And then after he passed, I knew there was no way I could handle it. You know, so, so hybrid schooling, to me, it was sort of a combination of homeschooling, but they're still in school. So on certain days I would let them be home and we would, you know, build something in the yard or, you know, do something interesting like a field trip.

Or take that extended vacation, get the homework and things and still have them do some of that while they're on vacation. And, and it works out. I love that. I also love it. I mean, your boys were in school when Alan died and, you know, that, that is so hard because much like with us adults, kids will, you know, yes, going back to your regular routine as much as you can, can be so super helpful. And sometimes kids need that break and they don't know how to ask for it other than like you said, to claim they're sick. And so checking in with your kids, whether they've gone through something traumatic, like a loss of a loved one, or they're going through a developmental stage of, you know, an identity kind of stage where they're like, I don't feel like I fit in. Maybe I'm more sad lately. Maybe I'm embarrassed. Maybe I'm feeling awkward. Checking in with your kids on a regular basis about how they're feeling and how they're doing and just giving them permission to sometimes take a day off of school. I love it. And I think as a parent,

your trust and connection with your child improves when you give them those permissions and you're acknowledging where they're at rather than waiting for them to have to ask for it or or misbehave or get sick in order to take that mental health day or that fun day. So I love that you're talking about that and promoting that. Of course, the miracles that I mentioned earlier, one of the messages in there is that everything a person does is either a cry for love or an expression of love. So when a child is acting out, there's something they're asking for. They need to be heard in another way. And sometimes just sitting down with them and just seeing what's really going on for them. And it's like, gee, you're, you know, it seems like you're, you know,

you're upset today. You know, you want to tell grandma about it or tell mom about it, whatever, you know, and see what they can say. And sometimes they might not say anything, but just acknowledging that you noticed that is all they need. Yes. I'm telling you, you're saying all the stuff that's right out of no problem parenting, acknowledging, noticing, wondering, sit with your child and have the conversation. You were super crabby today. I noticed. And that's not typically like you, or it's been like you for a long time. I think we're missing the boat here. I don't think you want to misbehave. There's something else going on. Let's figure it out together. Maybe you don't even know. Right. They're tired. Maybe they were up late last night. Didn't eat something good today or they ate all sweets all morning or, you know. Yeah, exactly. No, I love it. Right, right.

Well, Alexandra, I so appreciate our connection. Thank you for being with me on the show today. Parents, go to the show notes. There's a link tree link for lots of the free resources that Alexandra offers.

Thank you for being with me today. Thank you so much. All right, parents, that's it for today. Make sure you head over to the website, noproblemparents.com.

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