Become a No-Problem Parent Today

Hey, welcome back, No Problem Parents. Happy anniversary to Hello World and No Problem Parenting. And that's right, it's November 2022. And we are celebrating our nine year anniversary with promotions and freebies and all kinds of contests and things throughout the month of November. And today's episode is all about how you can become a No Problem Parent. Become that confident leader that I say your kids crave you to be. Before we get into today's episode, I'd like to thank our our podcast sponsor, Turning Leaves Recovery. Turning Leaves Recovery Life and Wellness is a nationally certified life coaching practice. Their personalized high quality care services will guide you toward an empowered and improved quality of life. Tricia Perrott and her team of talented professionals are equipped with strategies and skills that increase client recovery. Do you have habits that are holding you hostage? Addictions, negative attachments, and habits that hold you hostage are all seated in a pressure to perform and a reliance on something outside of yourself in an attempt to provide peace, joy, comfort, relief, value, validity, and worthiness. The team at Turning Leaves Recovery is dedicated and committed to assisting you in achieving your goals for life and recovery, finding your voice again, and improving your quality of life and well-being. They are here for you to guide you through your recovery holistically so you'll learn

how to keep your freedom and recovery for the rest of your life. Go to turningleavesrecovery.com to learn more. All right, let's get into today's episode, which is actually our 100th episode. Oh my gosh, I can't even believe we started this podcast in 2021. And now we are here in 2022 with 100 episodes in and we're ranking it as a top 5% podcast with a goal of hitting top 3% by the end of 2022. So we just have a couple of months and I'm going to shamelessly ask that you all take a screenshot of this 100th episode, share it on your social media, spread the word about the podcast and help us help more families. You can like the podcast, subscribe, leave us a five-star review. And when you share the screenshot, make sure that you're tagging at No Problem Parents.

That's going to get you entered into a drawing to win a copy of our newest Amazon bestselling book, No Problem Parenting, Raising Your Kiddos with More Confidence and Less Fear. All right, let's get into today's episode where you're going to learn all about how to become a no-problem parent. All right, so if you're new to the podcast and to No Problem Parenting, let me introduce myself. I am Jackie Finneman. I'm a 30-year counselor turned parenting coach and parenting strategist. I'm a speaker and a leader with over 50,000 hours of experience.

my success with parents and kids affected by trauma and mental health diagnoses inspired me to broaden my reach and share my 30 plus years of experience with any parent facing any level of resistance or behavior issues in their home, diagnosis or not. Now I do have, my clients will tell you, a down-to-earth authentic and relatable personality. My goal is to add light, hope, and clarity to you the parent as to how you can help your kiddos at home in your day-in day-out routine.

I'm also one of over 100 first cousins and I enjoy all things baseball, hockey, and dirt. I believe dirt matters. So whether that's getting dirty on a muddy four-wheeling trail or helping you clean up the dirt in your relationships, I believe the outcome and the experiences are worth the mess. I live here in central Minnesota with my husband Eric of 25 years and our son Andrew and our very loyal fur dog Bailey.

So how did no problem parenting even come to be and what does it mean to become a no problem parent? Well, when I started Hello World in 2013, I was meeting with families in their home, much like I did as a family counselor with a nonprofit agency for 20 years. But it started to become really expensive for parents to have to pay for me to drive to their home and to meet with them. So I started doing some online sessions, virtual sessions, and that was back in about 2016.

and lo and behold it actually was really awesome to do these online sessions because number one if there was a two-parent home the parents could meet with me during their work lunch hour and they could be in different locations and log into the zoom session or if one of the parents wasn't able to make a session we could record it and then they could watch it later and they could hear right from me rather than one of the parents having to like decipher or try to explain what I had coached them on and suggested for them to do. And so it ended up working out really well. And so since about 2017, I've been mostly virtual with my parent coaching. It saves you time, it saves you money, and you can record the sessions. You know, oftentimes parents would say to me, I don't really want to share everything with grandma or with the daycare provider or my child's teachers. But there are a lot of things that you're saying here that I'm really not sure how to reiterate and share. So if the sessions could be recorded, that would be so awesome because I could just send a clip and say, hey, grandma, here's what we're going to do with this kiddo when they're having meltdowns.

After a few years of doing these virtual sessions, I started to notice some common themes, but some things that I was saying to virtually every family, regardless of if their child was in therapy or had a mental health diagnosis, or if they were just experiencing the regular, typical kind of developmental, you know, behavioral stages. And so I thought, you know what, I'm going to start reviewing some of these sessions. So I did. I looked at well over a hundred sessions that I'd had with clients and I started pulling out some common themes. And guess what? I narrowed it down to three. There are really just three steps to becoming a no problem parent. Seek first to understand why is my kiddo acting the way that they are and why am I responding or reacting the way that I am. Step two is to prepare for the worst. You know, what does that mean? Well,

we can't always be prepared. Life throws us curveballs and our kids most certainly do, especially as they grow, right? But there are certain behaviors that happen day in and day out that just are frustrating and that we find ourselves nagging on our kids or constantly scolding or disciplining or consequencing them. So preparing for the worst behavior helps us be prepared for how to respond with confidence and not get engaged emotionally with the behavior.

We can kind of stay out of the battle. So step two is to prepare for the worst. And then step three is to change the conversation. When we understand why our kids behave the way they do, we're prepared to respond without fear and defensiveness. The conversation naturally changes. We become confident that no matter how big the problem is, we're going to be able to get through it. No problem. And I believe that nowadays we're really giving our kids too much unconditional praise. So much so that the kids don't even believe the praise themselves. You know, we say things like, oh, you're super good at school. You're very smart. You have lots of friends. If the kiddo doesn't believe it themselves, we kind of look like a liar and or we look incompetent. Like our kids will protect us sometimes from big behaviors or their thoughts or feelings because they don't think we can handle it. It's going to hurt our feelings. It's going to upset us. It's going to stress us out or make us become extra worried. And so they'll actually protect us from it. In the No Problem Parenting program, I teach you how to lead with conditional positives and then you can throw on some unconditional. Conditional positives are all about facts. So we lead with a fact and then we pour on a little bit of unconditional praise. We start with defining the problem. When I talk about a problem, I'm referring to a matter or a situation that's regarded as unwelcome or harmful and is needing to be dealt

with and overcome. You see, no problem parents understand that problems are a reality and that they can be dealt with and overcome. A no problem parent says, hey problem, I see you over there trying to put a wedge in my relationship with my child. I got this, no problem. So as a no problem parent, you're prepared to deal with and overcome whatever matter or situation you are presented with that is unwelcome or negative, right? You understand that problems are a part of life and you recognize that they don't define you or your child. You learn the key is to give the problem only the amount of attention that it deserves to deal with it and then overcome it.

In my 30 plus years of working with kids and families, I have seen problems get way more attention than they deserve. I have parents calling me about their five-year-old at risk of getting kicked out of school and now they're already painting the future for their child and predicting all these problems and things that are going to happen and how you know the rest of this kiddo's life is just going to be a struggle. Problems that get too much attention actually create more problems and even worse they put a wedge between our parent and child relationship.

Heck they put a wedge between the parent and parent relationship or parent and professional parent and teacher relationship, right? You get the point. So no problem parents recognize the problem, put it in its place. We're prepared to fully deal with it, follow it through, right? Not give in or give up on the problem. We follow through with it and we have a goal of overcoming the problem all while preserving the relationship with our kid and our family. So when I started no problem parenting, a lot of people, when I created the course and promoted it, a lot of people said, well, what's your guarantee? You got to have a guarantee. Well, I thought you're going to get as much out of the program as you put into it, right? As much time as you invest into it and as much practice. It takes practice. So learning the course is like 96 minutes. It doesn't take a lot of time to learn all the material in the course. It's the practice that takes time. And so my only guarantee for you is that I guarantee you're going to have problems when raising your kids and you're going to make mistakes and you're going to mess up. It's how you respond to the problem that can make or break your relationship with your child. How you handle problems with your kiddo can have a big influence on your child's self-worth, their self-confidence,

and their ability to handle problems throughout their life as they grow to adulthood. As a parent, you do your best and sometimes no matter how great your skills are, your kids decide how willing they are to follow your lead. They get to make decisions about the kind of person that they want to be as an adult. And when it doesn't seem as though they've learned a thing from us or that they maybe choose a less admirable path, our job as their parent is to support them through their hardships while allowing them to make as many mistakes as they might need along the way to become a confident and capable kiddo and adult. So the course is really designed to help you understand logically and emotionally how to parent your kids no matter how big or small their problems are and no matter how willing they are to accept your parenting. Now the second thing that I do in the course is I start out by defining resistance. We are all wired to resist, right? It's natural and while some people are more able to go with the flow and are less resistant or reactive, some kids are able to go with the flow, listen to your direction, and they're less reactive to the problems or to your direction. Many of you have tried everything. You're constantly trying new parenting programs. You're on Instagram and Facebook. You're looking for tips and techniques and you're trying all these different things. And at some point you're kind of like, all right,

I can't take this anymore. I don't even know which technique I should be using, which one is right for me or my kid. It doesn't seem to be working. And we kind of get off path.

Sometimes we don't give techniques and the tips that we learn, we don't give them enough chances to work. We think if we try it and it doesn't work the first time, throw it out the window. Well, these things take practice and we need to be open to the techniques not working the first time, the second time, the third time, or our kids not responding right away. Consistency is key.

But if you're resistant to trying something new because it's going to be hard or it's going to take more time than what you planned for, if you're resistant to that, it doesn't matter what program you take. It's not going to work for you. So what is resistance? Well, there's two things that I reference about resistance. One is the refusal to accept or comply with something. You know, it's like the kid that crosses their arms and says, I'm not doing it and you can't make me. Or the attempt to prevent something through action or argument. So that's like the adult that's crossing their arms or pointing their finger and saying, you better do what I said or else, right?

That's a type of resistance, the refusal to accept or comply with something. Now, the second definition that I talk about with resistance is the ability to not be affected by something, especially adversely. So for instance, some of us have a lower resistance to cold than others. I'm actually one of those people.

Some kids have a lower or higher resistance to things like rejection, pain, bullying, and embarrassment. Heck, some of you parents have a lower or higher resistance to rejection, pain, defiance, and embarrassment. So resistance is something we are either avoiding, defending, or protecting ourselves from. So in the Becoming a No Problem Parent course, we talk about what are the things that you're avoiding? What are the things, the behaviors you don't want to deal with?

What are some of the behaviors you're defending yourself from? Or some things that you're protecting yourself from? Are you trying to put on the facade that you're just fine and your family's fine and your kids are good? Are you resentful that your kid does really well in school or when they're around other people but they don't do so well with you and follow your lead at home?

Are you defending yourself by showing anger or frustration? Or are you defending yourself by ignoring problems, withdrawing from the situation, not having the conversations you need to have with either your partner or your child and maybe isolating yourself and denying that there is a problem. Well, my hope for you by becoming a no problem parent is that by the end of the course, you're going to be less reactive and more confident in your ability to become a no problem leader for your kids. An added bonus is that what you learn in the course can be tweaked and used in any resistant relationship that you encounter. Resistance is everywhere. And despite what we allow others to know about what happens behind closed doors in our homes or from the pictures that we post on social media, most families go through some sort of resistance in their life with each other, especially when it comes to raising kids. So understanding what the word problem means, that it's problems are meant to be dealt with and overcome and we don't need to give problems more attention than they deserve and what resistance means, we don't need to be resisting our kids' negative behaviors or their outbursts, their tantrums, their lying, their meltdowns,

their defiance, we can actually look forward to problems happening because we feel so confident that we are able to handle anything. What we don't know, we're going to seek out and find suggestions and learn about, but we're really going to strive to be that confident leader that our kids crave us to be. If you're ready to kick your parenting fears, your doubts, and uncertainty to the curb, if you want to get clear on why your child's behaving the way they are so that you can sleep at night and be excited for the next day. And if you're tired of battling with your kids and you're ready to let go of some control and allow them to make mistakes without feeling like you're failing as a parent, well, hey parents, it's time. In just 30 days, you're going to learn how to transform your kiddo's behavior, prepare for and even look forward to the misbehavior and change the conversations in your home. You can create a relationship of reciprocal trust with your kids, causing them to believe they can rely on you to help them turn any problem into a no problem. So imagine if you were finally confident that you could problem solve any problem. You had the framework to guide your children to be responsible, respectful, and kind people. And you were prepared to respond instead of reacting with anger. You could parent without fear and worry that you were failing your kids and you didn't feel guilty after losing control

because you knew how to recover. You have a connection with your kids that is trusting and they come to you for advice. And you knew that taking care of yourself was exactly what your kids needed you to do. If you're ready to implement something that works and lead a happy, confident family and have the peace of mind that you are crushing the parenting game, join our community now. There's a link in the show notes for you to get a $100 off coupon. So the course is actually only $297 and it gets you into our Facebook parenting community. You're going to get lifetime access to all four weeks of the classes and some bonuses in there as well.

There's a workbook with step-by-step sample conversations. Every month we do virtual trainings we host events and you're going to have free access to all of those and you're also going to get a 30-minute behavior strategy session with me lifetime access to tips and tools as your child grows i mean you guys were just getting started we're actually going to do a relaunch of the course in february and the price is going to go up so go get your hundred dollar off coupon and get registered join our no problem parenting community today i look forward to meeting you i look forward to helping you in that day in day out struggle that you have with your kiddos you are the best parent for your kid. Sometimes we just need the confidence, the validation, and a person that we can just brainstorm with and say, hey, how do I handle this particular situation? As our kids grow,

more and more problems come up, right? Developmentally, they're going to have different phases they go through and different challenges. Once you are in the no problem parenting community, you have lifetime access. That's going to change next year. The benefits are going to change and we're going to run a yearly program so you'd have to pay for renewal for your subscription. But Those of you who register yet this year in 2022 and become a No Problem Parent, you're going to have lifetime access to all of this.

So I encourage you to head on over there. I look forward to meeting you. And before I wrap up, I want to make sure that you take a screenshot of this episode, share it with your friends and family, and tag at No Problem Parents for your chance to win a copy of our newest book, No Problem Parenting, Raising Your Kiddos with More Confidence and Less Fear. All right, thanks for listening and thanks for all the support.

Again, happy anniversary to us and to all of you parents that have been a part of No Problem Parenting for the last nine years. I am forever grateful and excited for what's to come in the new year. Thanks for listening, guys. Thank you for tuning in to the No Problem Parenting podcast.

Join Jackie next time for more tips, tools, and resources that will help you become the confident leader your kids crave you to be. Who do you know that we could support on their parenting journey? Like this podcast, subscribe, share, or leave a review of the show. Your support of the No Problem Parenting podcast pays it forward and helps us help more families.

Thank you.